


To Be Taken Care Of

by shitstuck



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Background Vriska Serket/Terezi Pyrope - Freeform, Blood, Body Horror, Cliffhangers, Death, Dialoglogs, F/F, Graphic descriptions of violence, I Decided The Body Horror etc Was Too Much For Teen, Individual Chapter Warnings at the Start of Each Chapter, Infant Death, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Meteorstuck, Mind Those Warnings Kids, Multi, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Some Homophobia and Transphobia, Species Swap, Suicide, Temporary Character Death, They All Still Apply, Trans Male Character, as in regular death this time, kind of?, pesterlogs, temporary suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-13
Updated: 2017-12-06
Packaged: 2018-09-17 05:15:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 14
Words: 39,777
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9306872
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shitstuck/pseuds/shitstuck
Summary: Five minutes is all Dave needs to ruin everybody's lives, apparently, especially his own. An accident in the labs begins the long and painful process of transforming into a troll, and though trolls may look remarkably similar to humans for creatures that evolved on different planets in different universes, they aren't the same at all. The transformation is debilitating, and he is forced to trust Karkat to take care of him and even keep him alive as his very insides shift within him.Rose, meanwhile, begins work on some sort of solution -- after all, Seer of Light may as well mean Knower of Knowledge, right? She should know this. But her experience with breaking the rules is of little help when there are none to begin with, and she can hardly play with fire when it's not herself at risk of burns but her newly-discovered brother.As time wears on with no solution, the meteor crew can't help but wonder: are they doomed? Or is there redemption for their timeline yet?





	1. Dave

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The very beginning -- an awful five minutes, and dealing with it.
> 
> The only warning for this chapter is a bit of blood that appears towards the beginning.

At first, you spend most of your time on the meteor third-wheeling. Your sister is in pretty hardcore lesbians with Kanaya right from the get-go, and Terezi seems to be doing something similar with Vriska. This doesn't stop you from hanging out with them and generally needling them, but it gets old pretty fast. You can't say you're surprised when Rose finally snaps at you and sends Kanaya to apologize the next day. Vriska’s much more openly hostile from the start, and you discover pretty quickly that even with Terezi’s influence she's not above doing some pretty drastic shit to you to get you to leave.

It works, to say the least.

From then on, you hang around the Mayor in Can Town, which has the unfortunate side effect of placing you in relatively close proximity to Karkat, in your opinion the worst troll, second only to Vriska. He’s loud and grating, always shouting about some asinine topic or another, and for whatever reason he absolutely hates you. You don’t really care, you think he’s funny as hell, but being the constant subject of someone’s ire is both tiresome and familiar for reasons you don’t want to think about.

So one day, after a heated Vantas-patented rant about fuck knows what begins with no end in sight, you just get up, turn on your heel, and walk out. You already weren't in the mood. Vriska was hanging around you weirdly that morning. It put you on edge, sent a snake of tension up your spine to bite down in the meat at the back of your neck.

You wander the meteor aimlessly. Once upon a time, Terezi and Vriska were trying to map out the entire lab, but all they really achieved was discovering that there was more lab than actual meteor, and leaving a few obnoxiously colored drawings around, before it gets too deep. Right now, you’re long past any of these drawings. It’s just you and the dark and the creaking noises of the lab, _absolutely none of which are honks_. Nope. No honks here, no ominous murderclowns who are _supposed_ to be trapped in a fridge but how are you really supposed to know, since you can’t open the fridge to check, and besides if he’s so strong and murder-y what’s to stop him from escaping anyway?

Okay. Maybe you’re freaking out a little bit. It’d probably help if you weren’t in one of these legendary endless staircases, so you lift off the ground and fly to the bottom and duck into the first room you see.

 _Not ideal_ , you think, looking around at the cavernous space, _but still an improvement._ In the center of the room are a few massive slime-filled jars containing more mutant beasts, and around it are scattered several humanoid-looking things in jars. Trolloid? Trollian? Karkat would know, but fuck him.

_Holyshitdidthatonemove._

No. There’s no way it just moved. It’s a dead (right? it _is_ dead?) ~~humanoid~~ trolloid mutant thing in a tube of green slime. You shuffle closer anyway, just to make sure.

Oh fuck. Ohhhh fuck it definitely twitched. But you aren’t really sure, because the slime is really murky and this room is really dark (although it’d be less dark if you took off your shades, but fuck that noise). It’s not, like, very big or anything. Shit, if it’s alive, that means it’s trapped. It’s probably weak as fuck from being in this jar for however long, too.

Emboldened by this train of thought (and pushing back the rising dread in your chest), you gently rap on the glass with your knuckles. Unfortunately, the hairline crack just by the lid that you didn’t notice until just now widens until the whole top of the jar breaks and the lid falls into the slime. You jerk backwards a few feet, but the jar doesn’t explode or anything. You hover closer. The lid is sinking, oozing slime. The troll person’s knees have buckled and it’s sinking to the bottom too. The slime is overflowing.

You reach out and touch the slime with the tip of a finger. It’s grotesquely warm and extremely sticky, and there’s a weird sort of suction. You move to pull your hand away but the suction gets stronger the harder you pull until your whole hand is submerged in the goo. Your palm scrapes on the sharp edge of the broken glass, releasing wispy red tendrils into the slime.

Okay, pull more, get more resistance. So relax your hand and pull out slowly and it’ll be fine.

This actually works, which is a relief since your hand has started to tingle ominously and as much as you need your right hand for drawing SBaHJ, you’re beginning to wish you hadn’t shoved your dominant hand into the goo.

Before long, your hand is free of slime, except for a sticky green residue, but it hasn’t stopped tingling, and the cut stings.

Right, okay, gotta get the residue off your hand. Okay, dunkass, go to any bathroom and rinse it off in the sink. Yeah. You can do that.

The slow flight to the bathroom is painstaking, but you can’t go fast because you don’t want to get lost. You just go straight until you see one of Terezi’s garish drawings, and by this time you know where you are well enough to be able to speed up and get to the nearest bathroom.

You rinse your hand off under the tap, taking care to clean out the cut on your hand. The slime comes off perfectly fine, but your hand doesn’t look right. It isn’t until you realize that you never turned the lights on and rectify this that you notice.

The skin of your hand has a distinctly grayish pallor. You’d go so far as to say it’s straight-up gray. The cut has stopped bleeding, thankfully, and it seems to be closing up on its own. The beds of your nails are yellow, the nails themselves thick and opaque.

Are you seeing things? You might be seeing things. Just to make sure, you push your shades into your hair and look back down at your hand. Definitely gray. Your nails even look longer. You swipe a finger across the back of your hand, and all the little nearly-invisible hairs there flutter down like snow. Really gross snow. If LOFAF had had this instead of snow, frog-hunting would have been a very different story.

The skin on your hand is tough and leathery, and the bones aren’t quite the same -- thinner, sharper. There’s a distinct edge between your arm and your hand, and you can feel that the troll flesh has less give to it. It’s unnatural.

Oh fuck. Oh fuck what are you going to do your dominant hand has different bones and different muscles and it’s _gray_ and there are gonna be _claws_ \-- what if it spreads? What if it spreads like a rash until your whole body is a troll?

You should talk to Rose. She’ll know what to do, and bonus, she’ll be able to make you stop freaking out.

You shove your hand deep into your pants pocket and walk to the common room as casually as you can. She and Kanaya are on the couch, and it looks like for whatever reason Karkat’s there too, talking passionately to Kanaya about something.

DAVE: hey uh rose

Your voice cracks.

DAVE: can you come talk to me about something  
DAVE: something maybe a little... private

Kanaya looks at you strangely, but Rose nods and follows you into the hall.

ROSE: What is it?

You take your hand out of your pocket and show her. Your nails are even longer than they were before, and they stick out kind of the way the trolls’ claws do.

DAVE: i was in the labs and one of the glass tubes with a little troll in it broke and i touched the goo and this happened

Rose gingerly takes your hand, feeling around the seam between your arm and your hand. It’s not so much of a seam anymore -- it’s still pretty clear where your human skin ends and your troll skin begins but the line isn’t as sharp as it was before. She tugs gently at the tips of your fingers and presses lightly on your claws.

ROSE: Well, it’s a perfectly ordinary troll hand. Here, one moment.

She decaptchalogues a pen and draws a purple line at the edge of the tough gray skin.

ROSE: This will show us if it’s spreading. I doubt this is the sort of thing that should be kept a secret from the others, Dave. It could be problematic to the timeline, even if it doesn’t spread. Would you like to be the one to tell Karkat or shall I?

Why does she think you’d have any special feelings about telling Karkat in particular?

DAVE: i don’t care

The corners of her mouth curve slightly upwards.

ROSE: Just checking. Come on; I think I’ll want Kanaya and Terezi’s help with fixing this, and we shouldn’t leave anyone out of the loop. Would you rather tell people in increments or all at once?

Pros to telling everyone at once: you only have to do it once. Cons to telling everyone at once: you have to stand in front of everyone at once, and also Vriska.

DAVE: all at once i guess

ROSE: I’ll gather everyone, then. I assume you don’t want to.

You grunt noncommittally.

ROSE: Very well. We may as well wait in the sitting room.

She extends her arm like she wants you to take it like a gentleman from an old movie, so you do.

DAVE: hang on you made me the girl  
DAVE: here

You switch your arms so she’s holding onto your bicep as opposed to her holding onto yours.

ROSE: What’s wrong with you ‘being the girl,’ as you say? Are you implying that femininity is inferior? Why, Dave. I expected better.

DAVE: what no i just  
DAVE: youre impossible

You walk her into the room, where Karkat and Kanaya are huddled on the couch, whispering.

KARKAT: SO WHAT THE FUCK WAS ALL THAT SHIT ABOUT?

ROSE: We're going to gather everyone in here to talk about it. It concerns the timeline, after all.

KANAYA: Oh Dear  
KANAYA: What Happened

ROSE: We’ll wait until everyone’s here.

Vriska and Terezi walk in a minute and a half later.

VRISKA: So what’s this 8ig important meeting a8out? I hope it’s actually something important. Some of us live 8usy lives.

ROSE: Dave, would you care to...

DAVE: yeah sure

You stand up.

DAVE: it’s fucking story time kiddos sit down and get comfy cause mr striders schoolfeeding all you lucky little grubs

ROSE: Dave.

Right. Say the thing. You got this.

DAVE: right  
DAVE: so  
DAVE: uh  
DAVE: i was like  
DAVE: wandering around and i was in one of the rooms with all the bottles  
DAVE: and this one had a bottle with a troll-y-looking person in it  
DAVE: and i swear to god it moved  
DAVE: so i touched the tube and it broke  
DAVE: so i touched the slime and it sucked my hand in  
DAVE: and now it looks like this

You take your hand out of your pocket, long, three-dimensional claw nails and all, and wave it around. Terezi comes up and takes your arm, giving it a good sniff.

TEREZI: 1TS 4 TROLL H4ND

She touches each claw tip, now formidably sharp, and licks your palm. 

TEREZI: CH3RRY C4NDY MUT4NT BLOOD TOO  
TEREZI: JUST L1K3 OUR D34R FR13ND K4RK4T  
TEREZI: 4LTHOUGH 1 SUPPOS3 TH4TD B3 ON3 OF TH3 L4ST TH1NGS TO CH4NG3 4NYW4Y

You take your hand back. Is it you or is the purple line Rose drew a little further away from the edge of the gray? It's hard to say for sure.

ROSE: We decided to make this general knowledge for a few reasons.

Rose stands up and puts a hand on your shoulder.

ROSE: First of all, it would have come out at some point.

(You think you hear Kanaya murmur Phrasing from her seat on the couch.)

ROSE: Second, and more importantly, this may cause some problems with the timeline. Even if the change remains localized to one hand, it may still impair Dave’s fighting, which is especially problematic as he is one of our main fighters. This is not to mention how drastic the changes will be if his entire body transforms.

TEREZI: 1S TH4T L1K3LY

DAVE: i mean  
DAVE: it already looks like it’s spreading  
DAVE: so

You trace the purple line. The line where tough, leathery troll skin meets soft, hairy human skin is maybe a millimeter away from the purple ink, but that’s still farther than it was when Rose drew it.

DAVE: and the claws didn’t stick out so much and weren’t so sharp when it first happened  
DAVE: and now they’re pretty much regular claws

ROSE: I’d like Terezi and Kanaya at least to accompany us to the scene of the crime, so to speak. We’ll have to see what we can do.  
ROSE: Terezi, Kanaya, will you agree to help?

TEREZI: SUR3

KANAYA: Yes But Why Me

ROSE: You did much of the frog breeding, didn’t you? You’re at least a little familiar with the way this machinery functions.

KANAYA: Well  
KANAYA: Yes But Karkat More So  
KANAYA: He Was Also The One Who Created Us And Our Ancestors

ROSE: Very well, Karkat too.

KARKAT: FINE, WHATEVER.  
KARKAT: NOT LIKE I HAVE ANYTHING BETTER TO DO.

ROSE: Dave, would you mind leading us to the lab where this happened?

DAVE: i mean i can try

ROSE: Let’s go, then.

VRISKA: W8! Don’t forg8 about me! You’ll want to have someone like me there to make sure nothing goes wrong.  
VRISKA: I have all the luck, after all, and a little luck can turn the tides.

ROSE: Hm. It certainly couldn’t hurt to have you along, especially with your luck skills. You’re welcome to come, of course.  
ROSE: Dave? Take us away.

##

Finding the room itself isn’t too difficult, just time-consuming. You only make two wrong turns, and you catch them quickly enough that you don’t have to backtrack far.

Not much has changed in the room. The tube is still probably about as intact as it was the last time you saw it, the lid and top section broken up but the slime still fully contained.

ROSE: This is the one?

DAVE: yeah  
DAVE: just touched it and it sucked my hand in

ROSE: Alright. I hardly think it even bears mentioning, but just to be sure, do not touch the slime. At all. Anyone. We don’t know what sort of effects it might have on trolls, but we surely don’t want to find out.

KANAYA: But Surely The Slime Will Help Us Deduce How This Came To Pass

ROSE: Yes, of course. But its effects on human flesh are plain, and possible effects on troll flesh are too unknown and too risky. We’ll have to be careful not to let it touch skin.

KANAYA: How Do You Plan To Manage That

ROSE: Careful use of resources and possibly creative alchemizing. What are the components of a sterile latex glove? Hopefully, we shall find out.  
ROSE: Dave, please refrain from commenting on other uses for latex.

DAVE: what the hell  
DAVE: i wasnt even going to say anything rose whyd you have to put that thought in my mind

TEREZI: WH4T DO YOU M34N BY OTH3R US3S OF L4T3X  
TEREZI: WH4TS L4T3X

ROSE: Latex is a material used to make sterile gloves and condoms, among other things.

TEREZI: WH4T 4R3 CONDOMS

DAVE: kill me now

ROSE: They are tubes of latex that humans with a certain genital set put on their reproductive organs during the act of sex so as to prevent transmission of diseases or pregnancy.

KARKAT: EVERY TIME I ALLOW MYSELF TO FORGET THAT YOU GUYS ARE MAMMALS, I’M FORCED TO REMEMBER.  
KARKAT: PLEASE NEVER TALK ABOUT ANYTHING RELATING TO PAILING OR YOUR WEIRD, PERVERTED REPRODUCTIVE SYSTEMS EVER AGAIN.

DAVE: hate to agree with karkat but i second the motion

Rose just smirks a terrible, knowing smirk.

ROSE: Ah yes, you’d rather keep that between yourselves, wouldn’t you?

DAVE: i swear to fucking god rose  
DAVE: just start figuring out how to fix my damn hand before i kill you

KARKAT: WHAT THE FUCK? I’D RATHER SHOVE A RUSTY SICKLE UP MY DIGESTION SPHINCTER THAN EVEN THINK ABOUT PAILING WHILE ON THE SAME PLANET AS DAVE.

Rose laughs a tiny, evil laugh.

DAVE: evil witch

ROSE: Methinks the lady doth protest too much, Dave.  
ROSE: But I digress.  
ROSE: Dave, Karkat, Kanaya, Vriska, if you have something else you’d like to be doing at the moment, you’re free to go.  
ROSE: Terezi and I need to discuss the timeline.

KARKAT: WHY THE FUCK DID YOU HAVE ME COME AT ALL IF YOU WERE JUST GOING TO COME HERE AND THEN HAVE US FUCKING LEAVE?

ROSE: Plans change, Karkat. This…  
ROSE: I don’t know what I was actually expecting but I don’t think it was quite this.  
ROSE: I will certainly be needing your help at some point later, however.  
ROSE: Besides, we all know where this is now, which will be helpful later.

Rose turns towards Terezi and starts talking to her quietly. 

DAVE: k well im going to can town

KARKAT: WHAT? NO YOU’RE NOT. I’M GOING TO CAN TOWN.

DAVE: well where else am i sposed to go  
DAVE: do you expect me to hang out with vriska or some shit

VRISKA: Fuck you too, Dave!!!!!!!!

DAVE: yeah whatever

KANAYA: Actually Karkat I Was Hoping Maybe We Could Hang  
KANAYA: So To Speak  
KANAYA: We Havent Had Much Of A Chance Lately

Karkat seems surprised.

KARKAT: OH.  
KARKAT: UH, YEAH, SURE.

He and Kanaya leave, leaving you with Vriska. You take one look at her and just walk out. You’re not dealing with any more of her bullshit today.

VRISKA: W8!  
VRISKA: Actually, never mind. That’s r8, get out! Leave!

DAVE: what the fuck is your problem

VRISKA: Am I really the one with the pro8lem here?

DAVE: uh *yeah*  
DAVE: i wasnt the one who got so possessive with my little alien girlfriend that i had to chase away every other friend she might possibly have

VRISKA: I was helping her elimin8 harmful influences! She said herself from the future of an altern8 timeline that she shouldn’t try to d8 you! I was doing what she wanted me to do!

DAVE: thats fucking great except i dont particularly want to date her either  
DAVE: i just wanted to be her goddamn friend  
DAVE: is the concept too alien for you  
DAVE: a friend is someone you chill with and dont date  
DAVE: its not hard to grasp

VRISKA: Oh, I’m so sorry that I care more a8out the possi8le death of the timeline than your little feelings. Go cry a8out something important.  
VRISKA: Some of us have important things to do.

DAVE: like what

Vriska is silent for a while. You wish you could feel victorious, but honestly, it’s not like you have anything important to do either.

DAVE: there is literally nothing to do on this meteor except wait and try not to fuck up too bad

VRISKA: That’s not true! There’s........  
VRISKA: Training! We can’t just let ourselves stagn8. We have to 8e 8etter than we were 8efore when it comes time to fight Jack!

You shake your head.

DAVE: whatever you say man  
DAVE: im out

You walk out. Can Town sounds great. Just you and the Mayor, chilling. No Karkat, no Vriska, no worries.

(Well. You know the “no worries” part is actually bullshit but damn if you can’t pretend.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! (Yes, this was hell to format. But I was having real trouble making that big group scene coherent without all of... that.) Any and all comments appreciated!
> 
> My [tumblr](http://shitstuck.tumblr.com), if anyone's interested.


	2. Karkat

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Karkat talks to Kanaya, and then to Dave. Warning for suicide mentions in this chapter. If that's a big no-no for you, you may not want to be reading this at all, since that's a pretty big deal in this fic.

KARKAT: SO WAS THERE ANY PARTICULAR REASON YOU WANTED TO “HANG,” AS YOU PUT IT?  
KARKAT: OR WERE YOU JUST EVER-SO-KINDLY SAVING ME FROM HAVING TO BE IN THE SAME ROOM AS STRIDER FOR ANY LONGER

KANAYA: I Must Confess That I Was Partly Hoping To Avoid Being Alone With Vriska  
KANAYA: But That Does Not Erase My Actual Desire To Hang

KARKAT: SO BEYOND ACTUALLY HANGING, WE’RE BOTH JUST AVOIDING PEOPLE. GREAT.

KANAYA: Well  
KANAYA: I Suppose  
KANAYA: But The Difference Is That Youre Avoiding A Crush Whereas I Am Avoiding An Unpleasant Person

KARKAT: I DON’T HAVE A FUCKING CRUSH ON DAVE!

KANAYA: Karkat  
KANAYA: As The Humans Say  
KANAYA: Lets Be Real  
KANAYA: You Have A Strong Pitch Interest In Dave

Is she doing what you think she's doing? Is she… making advances?

KARKAT: ARE YOU...  
KARKAT: SUGGESTING WE TALK ABOUT IT?

KANAYA: Oh Uh  
KANAYA: If Youd Like To  
KANAYA: Certainly  
KANAYA: Id Understand If You Didnt Want To Though

You bite your lip and look at the floor. Even just the fact that she’s saying she’d understand if you didn’t want to talk is kind of ridiculously pale.

It sounds… nice.

KARKAT: NO, NO  
KARKAT: I COULD GO FOR THAT.

KANAYA: Well  
KANAYA: Good  
KANAYA: Would You Like To  
KANAYA: Make A Pile

Your face darkens with blush. She’s coming on strong. And it’s hard to tell with the rainbowdrinker glowing, but you think her face is looking a little green.

KARKAT: YEAH, OKAY.  
KARKAT: UH.  
KARKAT: I THINK I HAVE SOME BOOKS IN MY SYLLADEX, AND MAYBE SOME RANDOM SHIT FROM VARIOUS CHESTS, BUT EVERYTHING ELSE IS PROBABLY ACTUALLY FUCKING HAZARDOUS.

KANAYA: I Have A Few Scraps Of Fabric But I Am Unsure My Modus Will Allow Me To Use Anything  
KANAYA: Oh  
KANAYA: It Appears I Happen To Have A Few Available And Appropriately Soft Items  
KANAYA: How Fortuitous

You spend a short few minutes building and shaping the pile, which is nicely varied between your books and miscellaneous shit and Kanaya’s handful of snugglecubes and warmthplanes. It takes a bit of awkward maneuvering, but you find a comfortable but not too salacious position after a couple minutes. Curled up like commas, facing each other, with easy access to common papping spots.

KANAYA: So Tell Me About Your Feelings For Dave  
KANAYA: They Seem To Be Pretty Pitch

KARKAT: WELL, IT WOULD SEEM THAT WAY, WOULDN’T IT?  
KARKAT: BUT THAT’S HALF THE PROBLEM.

KANAYA: Oh  
KANAYA: Surprise Noodle

KARKAT: IT’S JUST...  
KARKAT: HE’S SO INSUFFERABLE, RIGHT? ONLY  
KARKAT: ONLY SOMETIMES I JUST *PITY* HIM SO MUCH!  
KARKAT: I’M NOT ENTIRELY SURE WHAT HIS WHOLE DEAL IS BUT HE’S SURE HAVING A SHITTY TIME RIGHT NOW.  
KARKAT: HE’S CHANGING INTO AN ENTIRE OTHER SPECIES!  
KARKAT: YOU HANG OUT WITH ROSE ALL THE TIME, YOU SHOULD KNOW BETTER THAN ANYONE HOW DIFFERENT OUR SPECIES ARE PHYSICALLY!  
KARKAT: THERE’S NO WAY THIS’LL BE ANY SORT OF A PAINLESS OR COMFORTABLE PROCESS. HIS ENTIRE BONE STRUCTURE WILL BE SHIFTING!  
KARKAT: HAVE YOU SEEN THE WAY THEY MOVE? IT’S SO... ALIEN.  
KARKAT: IMAGINE SLOWLY TURNING INTO ONE OF *THEM.*  
KARKAT: SO MUCH WOULD CHANGE!

You’re waving your arms around, getting pretty worked up. Kanaya puts a cool hand on your cheek, but she looks a little dismayed.

KANAYA: Wow  
KANAYA: Are You Sure You Want To Be Talking To Me About All This  


KARKAT: WHAT DO YOU MEAN?

KANAYA: You Seem To Be Quite Pale For Him  
KANAYA: Did I Misinterpret Your Feelings  
KANAYA: Oh Dear  
KANAYA: Am I Being Too Forward

KARKAT: UH  
KARKAT: I DON’T THINK YOU’RE BEING TOO FORWARD.  
KARKAT: I MEAN FIRST OF ALL, I’M PERFECTLY CAPABLE OF REFUSING A PILE IF I SEE FIT. IF I HADN’T WANTED THIS, I WOULDN’T BE HERE.  
KARKAT: COME ON, KANAYA, YOU KNOW ME THAT WELL AT LEAST. RIGHT?

KANAYA: I Suppose  
KANAYA: Yes

KARKAT: AND THE WHOLE “CONFUSED FEELINGS” THING IS THE PROBLEM!  
KARKAT: I CAN’T DECIDE IF I’M PALE, BLACK, OR RED FOR THE ASSHOLE!

KANAYA: To Be Fair  
KANAYA: It Does Seem A Little Tame For A Proper Black Crush

KARKAT: THAT’S ANOTHER THING! NONE OF THEM ARE FUCKING RIGHT!  
KARKAT: IT'S TOO TAME FOR A BLACK CRUSH, TOO SHARP FOR A RED CRUSH, AND TOO... KARKAT: WELL, TOO PHYSICAL FOR A PALE CRUSH!

KANAYA: I Think  
KANAYA: Well  
KANAYA: This Is Really Not My Area Of Expertise  
KANAYA: But Perhaps You Could Try A Vacillation Thing  
KANAYA: That Seems Similar To What Youre Describing

KARKAT: I SUPPOSE, YEAH.  
KARKAT: WHAT QUADRANTS DO YOU THINK?

KANAYA: Well Youre The Expert  
KANAYA: Look At It From The Outside

KARKAT: WHAT ABOUT RED/PALE?  
KARKAT: NOT COMMON, CERTAINLY, AND IT MIGHT BE HARD TO GET IT TOGETHER AT FIRST, BUT NOT AS FREAKISH OR DIFFICULT AS BLACK/PALE OR SOMETHING.  
KARKAT: I THINK PALE DEFINITELY HAS TO BE PART OF IT.

KANAYA: What About All Those Black Feelings Though  
KANAYA: Perhaps You Shouldnt Dismiss Black Pale Just Because Its Rare  
KANAYA: Just Look At You  
KANAYA: Mutantbloods Are Not Exactly Common

KARKAT: I SUPPOSE.  
KARKAT: STILL, THE REASON YOU NEVER HEAR ABOUT IT IS BECAUSE IT’S *HARD.*  
KARKAT: I DON’T KNOW IF I’D BE ABLE TO SUSTAIN SOMETHING LIKE THAT.  
KARKAT: ESPECIALLY WITH A HUMAN! HE DOESN’T KNOW SHIT ABOUT QUADRANTS!

KANAYA: Hm  
KANAYA: I Suppose My Advice Going Forward Would Be  
KANAYA: Dont Overthink It  
KANAYA: Im Sure I Dont Need To Remind You About The Grid Disaster Of Year One  
KANAYA: Try Not To Think Too Hard Or Plan Too Much  
KANAYA: Let It Happen As It Happens  
KANAYA: Youre The Only Two People Involved This Time And Maybe It Should Stay That Way

KARKAT: ARE YOU SAYING THAT  
KARKAT: YOU DON’T WANT TO  
KARKAT: DO... THIS?

KANAYA: Oh  
KANAYA: Well Maybe It Would Have To Be A Part Time Thing  
KANAYA: Or Maybe You Could Do Red Black Vacillation  
KANAYA: Either Way  
KANAYA: I Dont Want To Be The Reason You Cant Make It Work With Dave

KARKAT: WE’LL FIGURE SOMETHING OUT.  
KARKAT: I’LL FIGURE SOMETHING OUT.

KANAYA: Well Best Of Luck Then

KARKAT: THANKS, I GUESS.  
KARKAT: NOW WHAT’S YOUR PROBLEM WITH VRISKA?

KANAYA: What Do You Think  
KANAYA: I Think My Problems With Her Are Fairly Standard  
KANAYA: Shes Just A 8itch  
KANAYA: Not Much More To It

KARKAT: I GUESS.  
KARKAT: UH, ANYTHING ELSE?  
KARKAT: I FEEL BAD BEING THE ONLY PERSON WHOSE ISSUES GOT DISCUSSED.  
KARKAT: HOWS IT GOING WITH ROSE? I KNOW YOU HAVEN’T HAD A CHANCE TO TALK TO HER SINCE DAVE…  
KARKAT: SINCE DAVE.

KANAYA: Actually I Am A Bit Worried About Her  
KANAYA: She Is Not Known For Being The Most Considerate Of Herself When Others Are Threatened  
KANAYA: Especially Dave  
KANAYA: Im Concerned Shell Harm Herself For The Sake Of Healing Dave  
KANAYA: Im Worried Shell Obsess Over Finding The Perfect Solution When Such A Thing May Not Exist

KARKAT: YEAH, SHE DOES SEEM TO DO THAT SOMETIMES.  
KARKAT: REMEMBER THE TIME WHEN THEY LITERALLY FOUGHT SO HARD OVER WHO GOT TO DIE NOBLY THAT THEY BOTH ENDED UP DYING?  
KARKAT: THEY GODTIERED ANYWAY, BUT STILL.  
KARKAT: FORTUNATELY, YOU’RE NOT THE ONLY ONE WHO CARES.  
KARKAT: SHE AND DAVE ARE BASICALLY MOIRAILS, REMEMBER?  
KARKAT: AS LONG AS THEY DON’T ISOLATE EACH OTHER TOO MUCH OR FIGHT OVER MARTYRDOM, THEY’LL BE FINE.  
KARKAT: THEY BALANCE EACH OTHER OUT SURPRISINGLY WELL, DESPITE CONSTATNLY GETTING SICK OF EACH OTHER’S SHIT.  
KARKAT: WHICH YOU HAVE TO ADMIT IS FAIR.

KANAYA: Yeah  
KANAYA: I Worry That He Wont Be Able To Take Care Of Her While This Is Happening To Him  
KANAYA: What If Theyre Too Occupied With Their Own Problems To Help The Other

KARKAT: WELL, HOW ABOUT THIS.  
KARKAT: THEY’RE BOTH OBVIOUSLY GOING TO NEED EXTRA SUPPORT RIGHT NOW. WHY DON’T WE JUST PICK UP THE SLACK?

KANAYA: Are You Suggesting We Act As Substitute Moirails

KARKAT: WHY NOT?  
KARKAT: THEY’RE OBVIOUSLY GOING TO NEED IT. AND THEY’RE HUMAN.  
KARKAT: IT’S NOT LIKE THEY’LL REALLY KNOW THE DIFFERENCE.  
KARKAT: ROSE MIGHT, BUT I DOUBT SHE’LL MIND.  
KARKAT: SO YOU TAKE CARE OF ROSE WHILE SHE NEEDS IT AND I’LL TAKE CARE OF DAVE.  
KARKAT: IT’LL BE GREAT!  
KARKAT: AND THEN WE CAN GO BACK TO REDDER SHORES WHEN THIS IS ALL OVER.

KANAYA: It  
KANAYA: Doesnt Sound Too Bad  
KANAYA: Actually

KARKAT: PLUS THIS HELPS MY ISSUES WITH DAVE, ACTUALLY.  
KARKAT: I GET TO TEST OUT BEING IN A MOIRALLEGIANCE AND IF THAT’S NOT RIGHT, I’LL JUST FIX IT WHEN HE’S BETTER.  
KARKAT: NO FUSS.

KANAYA: Thats Actually  
KANAYA: Really Helpful  
KANAYA: This Was Great Karkat

She glides her claws through your hair, occasionally scritching at the base of your horns. Damn, that’s good. Your eyes close of their own volition. You probably shouldn’t be doing this so out in the open -- it’s gotten a little intense for a public pile -- but ehh. You can’t bring yourself to care. Kanaya combs her fingers through your hair and you let yourself drift a little. Yeah. You definitely wouldn’t mind having an actual moirail for this. 

You let worrying about who you actually want it to be fall to the back burner. You’ll figure it out.

##

You seek out Dave later, after you and Kanaya detangle and clean up the pile. It’s intact in your sylladex right now, actually.

You don’t have a valid excuse to be around Dave beyond “I’m taking your human sister’s place as your moirail temporarily, mostly for your benefit but partly for mine,” so you’re going to assume he’s still in Can Town while pretending to assume he’s already left. But he’ll definitely still be there, unless he’s with Rose, in which case you probably shouldn’t interrupt anyway. You suppose he could have gone back to his room, but you hope not. It’ll be way harder to come up with an excuse to be around him then, and you’re not really patient enough to wait until he comes out. 

So, Can Town it is.

You hear Dave before you see him, rambling to the Mayor about something or other, words becoming clearer as you near the door. You wonder briefly how he hasn't scented you yet before you remember the humans’ dull senses.

(You wonder if the skin on his hand is more sensitive than the rest of his skin. You want to ask him.)

DAVE: ...and i just  
DAVE: i worry about rose yknow  
DAVE: you dont know her as well as me  
DAVE: you dont know how she gets  
DAVE: remember how i told you how she told me she was gonna let me blow up the green sun and then knocked me out so shed get to do it instead  
DAVE: shes as bad as me  
DAVE: once she gets her mind on something shell ignore everything else in favor of that  
DAVE: last time both of us died  
DAVE: i dont mind so much if its just me but she shouldnt be playing with other peoples lives like that anyway  
DAVE: and i dont want her to get hurt  
DAVE: specially not just for me

This is… not a good direction for anyone’s thoughts to go. Probably a good time to step in. You make sure your approach is obvious, taking slightly heavier steps than normal, and he quiets at your approach.

He’s reclining against one of Can Town’s sturdier structures, the Town Hall. His legs are stretched out, his ankles crossed, and he seems to just be sitting there talking while the Mayor bustles around and works.

Well. Inasmuch as someone can work on a fake town made of cans.

Still.

The point is that Dave is just uselessly lazing around, so your first idea is to get him working. Or, you assume he's not doing anything, but then the Mayor toddles into view, with odd scraping footsteps that seem louder than usual. He looks fine, but maybe he twisted an ankle? No, he’s doing it evenly with both feet as he plunks down next to Dave and and starts telling him about current events in the town in that way he does, gesticulating cheerfully and not making a single sound.

KARKAT: HI

DAVE: oh  
DAVE: hi

The Mayor waves and points to the can he’s holding.

KARKAT: WHAT IS THAT, PART OF THE MUNICIPAL CENTER? WHY, WHAT HAPPENED THERE?

DAVE: big storm apparently  
DAVE: aka i fell to the ground in a fit of ennui and knocked it over  
DAVE: the mayor repositioned me to a sturdier structure  
DAVE: and so  
DAVE: here we are

Dave lifts his troll hand and examines it against the light. What little of his expression you can see is indecipherable. The gray is maybe the width of a claw frond away from the smudged line of purple pen on his wrist.

KARKAT: WELL, IT’S DEFINITELY SPREADING.

Fucking duh. Could you have said something more pointless and more determined to grind any kind of pleasant mood to a halt?

DAVE: yeah  
DAVE: im not exactly excited to find out firsthand how different our respective species are  
DAVE: firsthand  
DAVE: christ im like fuckin  
DAVE: im like goddamn terezi with the shitty puns over here  
DAVE: whats next  
DAVE: oh shit you know whats next  
DAVE: i guess im pretty HANDY with puns  
DAVE: geddit  
DAVE: HANDY

Dave starts laughing, a strange, choked sounding laugh that bears little resemblance to his normal laugh. He pushes up his shades and presses his palms into his eyes, and you realize the laughter more closely resembles gasping sobs now.

KARKAT: ARE YOU... OKAY?

Dave doesn’t reply, but he at least looks like he’s trying to calm himself down. You kneel down to be next to him and tentatively touch a hand to his shoulder. When he doesn’t start or otherwise react, you rub his shoulder in what’s hopefully a comforting matter.

KARKAT: DAVE?

When Dave sort of turns his head towards you, you stop even trying to suppress the massive urge you have to hug him. 

KARKAT: FUCK IT. COME HERE.

He wraps his arms around your neck and presses his eyes into your shoulder, and you can already feel the wet spot from his tears. You hold him tight and just let him cry into your shirt, shooshing him like you would a troll. And when his shaking shoulders still and the better half of your sleeve is damp, he starts talking.

DAVE: i just  
DAVE: i just dont want this to happen  
DAVE: i dont want to have done that  
DAVE: and i cant tell if doing that doomed the timeline or what  
DAVE: and i dont know how to fix it  
DAVE: and i dont want rose to hurt hurself trying to fix it  
DAVE: or do something stupid  
DAVE: and

He pauses, sniffs loudly.

DAVE: i dont want to time travel ever again  
DAVE: i know i might have to in order to fix this and i know ill definitely have to during the final battle  
DAVE: but like  
DAVE: i took out the turntables once during like  
DAVE: the first year or some shit  
DAVE: and i just couldnt fucking do it  
DAVE: i could barely even touch them  
DAVE: i just dropped them and the only reason they didnt break when they hit the floor was cause i captchalogued them before they could

KARKAT: WE’LL FIGURE SOMETHING OUT. IT WON’T COME TO THAT.

DAVE: but how do you KNOW  
DAVE: you cant okay  
DAVE: id literally kill myself before i time traveled again  
DAVE: it may as well be the same thing anyway  
DAVE: what with how likely it is for dead daves to pile up

KARKAT: DAVE.  
KARKAT: LOOK AT ME.

You wait until he actually looks at you, meets your eyes with his watery red ones.

KARKAT: I PROMISE THAT YOU WILL NOT HAVE TO USE TIME TRAVEL ON THIS METEOR.  
KARKAT: I’M NOT MAKING A PROMISE I CAN’T KEEP HERE. YOU VERY WELL MAY HAVE TO USE TIME TRAVEL DURING THE FINAL BATTLE.  
KARKAT: BUT I CAN PROMISE THAT NO MATTER WHAT, YOU WON’T NEED TO PICK UP YOUR TURNTABLES AGAIN WHILE WE’RE ON THIS METEOR.  
KARKAT: OKAY?

Dave tips his head forward into your thorax, clutching your shirt, nodding.

DAVE: sorry for  
DAVE: gettin your shirt all wet

KARKAT: IT’S OKAY.

His shoulders slump down and you can feel him relaxing, as though a great weight has been lifted from his shoulders. You just keep rubbing his back and softly shooshing him. His breathing deepens and slows until you realize he’s literally fucking fallen asleep on you.

You’re stuck here now, you suppose. You decaptchalogue your husktop and put on one of your old favorite movies with the sound on low, and shift around a little. You’ll be good for a while.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My [tumblr](http://shitstuck.tumblr.com), if anyone's interested.


	3. Rose

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> News, a conversation, and a few plans. Here's where that body horror tag is beginning to come into play. In this chapter, it's only hand-related, but since Rose "Verbose" Lalonde is the narrator, it's pretty detailed. Blood is briefly mentioned once or twice.
> 
> I also made a minor change to chapter one, but you don't have to go back and check it -- the only difference is that Dave cut his hand and bled in the slime a little. You're welcome to go back and read the three sentences I added, but it shouldn't be necessary if you don't want to.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *happily adds Rosemary to relationship tags*
> 
> (and don't worry, it'll get better than what's here.)

After a long half hour of talking with Terezi, all you’ve managed to deduce is that you somehow haven’t diverged from the alpha timeline yet, which means that the most obvious solution -- time travel -- is out. You think you’ll see what you can do on your own before you call in Karkat and Kanaya. There’s sure to be something you can figure out yourself.

Unfortunately, this optimistic mentality does not miraculously grant you the ability to read the abstract symbols familiar to the Game on the buttons and labels. You waste perhaps twenty minutes hemming and hawing before you finally equip your CompuBand and message Kanaya, who unfortunately tells you after several minutes’ pause that she is Otherwise Occupied At The Moment Sorry.

GA: By Which I Mean Karkat Is Sleeping In Close Proximity To Me And If I Were To Move He Would Likely Awaken And He Gets Little Enough Sleep As It Is

So both of the people who have ever used any machinery akin to this are occupied. You must wait until one of them is freed, which clearly won’t be until Karkat wakes up. This is likely to be a good several hours, considering how little he sleeps and how irregularly.

Fucking excellent.

You may as well find some other way to occupy your time, then. Terezi has no doubt reunited with Vriska by now, and they’ll be off doing... whatever. Karkat and Kanaya are both obviously occupied. That leaves Dave, who seemed to be quite intent on spending some alone time with the Mayor.

You must occupy yourself, then. But perhaps Dave would be amenable to quiet company? If you brought some knitting, for example, or a book, and occupied yourself. Maybe then he would find it more acceptable to have his alone time with the Mayor infringed upon. You know you tend to get on his nerves at times -- God knows he gets on yours -- but maybe if you essentially ignored him in favor of simply existing in proximity it wouldn't be so grating.

This sounds acceptable. And if he ends up refusing your company, you’ll have an alternative with which to occupy yourself, even if you must be alone.

Having decided this, you head to your room to pick up a tome or two and some needles. You generally like to keep your sylladex relatively free, so that if you need a space for something you’ll have one. Your casual knitting needles (as opposed to the Quills of Echidna or some such device) stay in your room unless you're using them or plan to. Not that you carry the Quills around either; those have a place of honor on a shelf you alchemized early on.

You also captchalogue your most recent project, a sweater. It’s only your second attempt at something more complex than a scarf or a laptop cozy, excluding the bunny (which was an outlier and should not be counted). The first attempt... well, you _tried_ to put it on, but the fact was that you'd somehow neglected to leave an opening for your head. This one was shaping up to be much more successful so far, fortunately.

On an impulse, you grab the velvet pillow that somehow made its way onto the meteor and a blanket from your bed. The meteor is not a warm place, after all.

When you reach Can Town, you almost aren't sure Dave is in there until you look in and spot him hovering high on a wall, looking frustrated as he awkwardly holds a stick of blue chalk in his right hand.

ROSE: Hello.

He seems to jolt slightly at the surprise, but it’s hardly a blip in his composure.

DAVE: sup rose

ROSE: Oh, not too much.  
ROSE: Kanaya is apparently occupied with Karkat, and Terezi and Vriska are no doubt perfectly satisfied to entertain themselves, and I was making no progress with the machinery, so I thought I might visit you.  
ROSE: What are you doing?

DAVE: wait hang on  
DAVE: what are karkat and kanaya doing  
DAVE: occupied  
DAVE: what

You can't say you’re surprised he fixated on that particular tidbit.

ROSE: All I heard was that he was asleep, which was why Kanaya was unavailable.  
ROSE: Why? Worried she’s taking your place?

DAVE: what no  
DAVE: the way you phrased it was suspicious  
DAVE: you did that on purpose

ROSE: If you say so, though I am dismayed at such a baseless accusation.  
ROSE: Me, phrasing things in a suspicious manner? Never.

DAVE: fuck you

ROSE: I’ll have to pass.  
ROSE: Why are you drawing with your right hand? Aren’t you left-handed?

DAVE: yeah but the troll hand like bends weird  
DAVE: all my muscle memory or whatever is fucked up  
DAVE: like look

He’s been drifting towards you this whole conversation, and now he takes his troll hand and, with his other hand, bends the thumb around until it touches the pinky from around the back.

It’s an extremely uncomfortable sight. The meat of his palm is bent convex, looking distorted. You can see four bones, sharp and oddly-shaped, standing out through the thick flesh. The strange underside of the troll equivalent of metacarpals, standing under the flesh.

It’s disgusting, unnatural. You can't look away.

ROSE: Does that hurt? Could you do it without the aid of your other hand? Is that as far as you can go?

DAVE: uh  
DAVE: not really  
DAVE: i dont think so but maybe  
DAVE: and i dont really want to know

ROSE: Fascinating. May I touch?

DAVE: i guess  
DAVE: feels pretty  
DAVE: ech  
DAVE: like  
DAVE: uncanny valley yknow

ROSE: Precisely.

You grin.

DAVE: rose your goth is showing

You merely chuckle and gently prod his stretched palm. Each bone seems slightly more cylindrical than human bones, less bulbous on either end but just as thin in the middle.

ROSE: Go back to a more normal hand position.

His troll “metacarpals” stand out sharply on the back of his hand, and when he brings up his other hand for comparison at your request, you can see that although his human hand is still thin, bony, and long-fingered, the bones on his troll hand are literally sharper.

ROSE: Troll skin must be extremely tough if they can expect to be punching people with bones this sharp without breaking the skin.

DAVE: i hope youre not about to ask me to test that  
DAVE: because the answer is no

You’d be lying to yourself if you said you hadn't wondered, but of course you wouldn't ask that of Dave.

ROSE: Of course not. Mind if I try something that won't hurt?

DAVE: knock yourself out i guess

You experimentally pull at his first and second knuckles in opposing directions. As you suspected, they have a considerable amount of give.

ROSE: Troll skin -- tough and stretchy.  
ROSE: Your ligaments must be much more forgiving than human ones.

DAVE: rose im not all troll yet so itd be great if you could stop talking like i am

ROSE: Of course. My apologies.  
ROSE: Troll ligaments must be much more forgiving than human ones.  
ROSE: But how do they stay in place? It doesn’t take as much force to pull them apart as human ones, although human ones generally snap.  
ROSE: I’ll have to ask Kanaya a few questions.

You decaptchalogue your notepad and pencil and quickly jot down a question -- _What is the gravity like on Alternia?_ You want to know if the ligaments are softer because there was generally less strain on them, and lower gravity seems like it might cause that.

While you’re at it, you write a few quick notes about your observations of Dave’s hand.

ROSE: Have you noticed anything else strange or different about your hand?

DAVE: this sounds weird  
DAVE: but i think it might be lighter  
DAVE: like thats part of why i couldnt draw with it  
DAVE: i kept misjudging distances even though my arms the same length  
DAVE: like it takes less work to move it or something

ROSE: Hmm.  
ROSE: I suppose that makes some sense.  
ROSE: The bones are likely composed differently than human bones, meant to be lighter.  
ROSE: I wonder how that affects their strength.  
ROSE: Not to mention that even though there’s very little fat on your human hand, there's next to none on your troll hand.  
ROSE: If I had to guess, I would think based on the amount of give to your palm that the thickness there comes from literal thickness of the skin.  
ROSE: More questions to ask Kanaya.

You jot that one down quickly -- _What is the thickness in your palms? How do trolls store fat? Do trolls store fat at all or do they store energy some other way?_

DAVE: kay but promise me youre not gonna try and test any of this stuff on me  
DAVE: or kanaya or anyone else

You blink.

ROSE: Of course not.  
ROSE: Dave, I’m not about to go breaking other people's fingers to find out how strong the bones are. What kind of person do you take me for?  
ROSE: Your fingers are safe, as are Kanaya’s and everyone else’s.

He still seems concerned, but seems almost content to let it slide.

DAVE: well alright  
DAVE: just like  
DAVE: try and keep everything in perspective  
DAVE: i know how you get sometimes  
DAVE: i know it tends to turn self destructive  
DAVE: dont try to deny it rose okay we both remember what happened when you went grimdark  
DAVE: so im saying  
DAVE: dont do that

ROSE: Do what, Dave?

DAVE: dont play coy with me right now rose  
DAVE: dont get all self destructive and emo  
DAVE: okay promise

ROSE: Dave, you can’t possibly expect me not to act emo.  
ROSE: Have you ever met me?

DAVE: you know what i mean rose

You don't want to make a promise you can't keep. You know what he means. You get shit done, is what he means. But... he may not be entirely incorrect in noting that getting shit done sometimes comes at the detriment to your health and safety.

ROSE: ...okay. I promise I won’t, quote, “get all self destructive and emo,” alright?  
ROSE: I mean it.  
ROSE: I’ll try my best.

DAVE: good

You descend into awkward silence then, a rare occurrence with Dave, lasting perhaps five minutes before your CompuBand buzzes within your sylladex.

\-- grimAuxiliatrix  [GA] began pestering tentacleTherapist  [TT]  \--

GA: Hello Rose  
GA: Just Wanted To Let You Know That I Will Be Free In A Few Minutes  
GA: If You Wanted To Meet Somewhere To Talk About  
GA: Whatever It Was You Wanted To Talk About  
TT: It sounds as though you may have gotten your hopes up, for which I apologize.  
TT: I merely wanted to ask a few questions about troll physiology and see what we can do about some of that machinery in the lab.  
GA: Oh  
GA: No That Sounds Perfectly Nice  
TT: Really?  
TT: I can't help but feel that anyone else would find it perfectly boring.  
TT: I can't speak to that, of course, as I am the one gaining all the knowledge here.  
GA: Well Id Like To Learn Things You Too  
GA: About You  
GA: Too  
GA: Id Like To Learn Things As Well In General With No Specific Qualifiers Relating To You Or Otherwise  
GA: Um  
TT: No, do continue.  
GA: Uh  
GA: Really  
TT: Only joking.  
TT: Joking aside, however, would you like to meet in the lab in about five minutes?  
TT: Ahem, sorry. The Lab.  
GA: Sure  
GA: See You There  
TT: Excellent.

\-- tentacleTherapist  [TT]  ceased pestering grimAuxiliatrix [GA] \--

You cut yourself off before you can finish the trope and say It’s a date! and inevitably embarrass yourself. It’s a close call.

DAVE: who was that

ROSE: That was Kanaya. I’m going to meet her in The Lab in a few minutes.  
ROSE: If you don't mind? I can stay if you’d rather.

You realize too late that you forgot to consider Dave when making your date plans. Meeting plans. Rendezvous plans. It’s not a date.

DAVE: nah go on  
DAVE: have fun on your little date

ROSE: It’s not a date!

You... might speak a little too quickly and defensively. 

DAVE: sure sure  
DAVE: go ahead and say that  
DAVE: but we both know the truth  
DAVE: and you cant hide from the truth this time  
DAVE: youre losing this game of hide and seek with the truth  
DAVE: the truths all seeing eye has found you  
DAVE: or  
DAVE: wait  
DAVE: wouldnt that be your all seeing eye that had found the truth  
DAVE: shit  
DAVE: i got confused

ROSE: No, do go on, it's just as entertaining as when you are able to follow a slightly more coherent train of thought.

DAVE: fuck off  
DAVE: im off my game today  
DAVE: go on your date already

You smile.

ROSE: See you, Dave.

You go to leave, but pause before you walk out the door, and turn back to Dave.

ROSE: Dave?

DAVE: huh

ROSE: I'll fix this. I promise.  
ROSE: I'll get you back to normal.

You don't add a silent If it's the last thing I do in your head.

##

Kanaya arrives slightly before you do, unfortunately. You’d been hoping to arrive first to have a chance to prepare a bit, but then again you did just spend nearly the last hour in the lab in question. You’ll just have to make do.

KANAYA: Hello Rose

ROSE: Hello, Kanaya.  
ROSE: I hope you weren’t waiting long.

KANAYA: Of Course Not  
KANAYA: So What Were You Hoping To Achieve

ROSE: I’d like your assistance in determining the functions of these machines, as well as making them operational, hopefully to reverse Dave’s transformation before it can be completed. If that fails, we may still be able to change him back after he’s fully troll.  
ROSE: Of course, we won’t finish today. But any progress is progress.

KANAYA: I Suppose Ideally Wed Have Karkat For This  
KANAYA: Hes The One With The Most Experience With The Actual Machines  
KANAYA: Breeding Bilious Slick Was A Collaborative Effort And He Was The One To Bring Us And Our Ancestors Into Existence  
KANAYA: But I Will Do What I Can

You nod. Kanaya has a habit of underselling her own abilities, so you hope her denouncement of her experience is mostly this tendency showing itself. Besides, you will bring Karkat in later. Your Sight has informed you that he is otherwise occupied at the moment, though with what you don’t know. You can extrapolate that he is with Dave, however, which is probably good for both of them.

You’ll probably tease him endlessly for it later, but you do sincerely care for him and his health, mental and physical.

ROSE: Excellent.  
ROSE: Well, let’s begin looking. Do you understand any of this writing or symbolism?

KANAYA: Hmm

She skims over the bank of machinery, occasionally trailing her claws lightly along buttons and dormant displays. Her eyebrows furrow deeper and deeper, and she has hardly been looking for three minutes when she turns to you and gives up.

KANAYA: None Of This Writing Is In Alternian  
KANAYA: Which You Surely Already Knew  
KANAYA: But Either None Of It Is In That Strange Other Language That The Machinery For Frog Breeding Was In That Only I And Karkat Could Read  
KANAYA: Or I Have Lost The Ability To Read It  
KANAYA: Are You Able To Understand It  
KANAYA: You Are A Seer Of Light After All

ROSE: Unfortunately, no.  
ROSE: I did try earlier, but they were all incomprehensible to me.

KANAYA: Well  
KANAYA: I Suppose That Leaves Pushing Buttons And Hoping They Work  
KANAYA: Perhaps Someone Like Vriska Would Be Better Suited For This  
KANAYA: Little That I Want To Interact With Her

Yes, Vriska’s abilities as a Thief of Light would make her well-suited for the strategy of pressing buttons and hoping they work. Karkat also managed to successfully create twenty four trolls and, collaboratively, your own universe.

ROSE: I suppose we shall have to wait until she or Karkat is available, in that case.  
ROSE: Might I suggest we occupy our time some other way?

KANAYA: That Phrasing Was Mildly Suspicious But I Will Ignore It For The Moment  
KANAYA: What Would You Suggest

ROSE: I have a few questions I’d like to ask you relating to troll physiology that occured to me after observing Dave’s hand.

KANAYA: Youre Just All About The Suspicious Phrasing Today  
KANAYA: But Yes That Sounds Fine  
KANAYA: Lets Do It Somewhere Other Than This Rather Unpleasant Lab  
KANAYA: The Smell Is A Bit Bothersome

ROSE: Yes, I had noticed that.

The exposed slime gives off a musty scent, almost like mildew or petrichor, and while you don’t ordinarily mind either of those particular odors, it is mixed with the iron tinge of Dave’s blood lingering in the slime as well as the unfortunate smell of what must be formeldehyde. It is altogether fully unpleasant.

ROSE: Well, my room is available, or we could see if the common room is unoccupied.

KANAYA: To My Knowledge The Common Room Is Clear  
KANAYA: That Was Where Karkat And I Were

ROSE: Yes, he and Dave are likely both in Can Town. Last I saw Terezi, she was heading outside to meet with Vriska, where she was "BROOD1NG PROB4BLY."

KANAYA: That Should Be Just Fine Then

ROSE: Yes, let’s go.

You walk very close together, and your hands brush against her cooler ones. You don’t take her hand, and she doesn’t take yours, but neither of you moves away either.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter's a bit shorter than the others so far, and I probably could have gone further, but I was really struggling with that last scene anyway. Any and all feedback is welcome, and if you see an error, don't be afraid to point it out!
> 
> And, as usual, my [tumblr](http://shitstuck.tumblr.com), if anyone's interested.


	4. Dave

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A movie, a minor disaster, and a very long conversation. Warnings for some minor internalized homophobia, some minor body horror, and some not-so-minor passively suicidal thoughts and discussions during the second half, plus some minor abuse talk.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> EDIT: Just made a small change to what Dave's arm looks like at the beginning of the second part. More of his arm is gray and there are hard, slightly darker spikes on the edge of his forearm.

You wake up extremely disoriented and confused. You aren't wearing your shades and you're in a dim room with flickering blue lights -- a TV? Probably.

It takes a full six minutes for you to fully wake up and realize where you are. You’re in Can Town, having fallen asleep on Karkat after having something of a breakdown in his arms. That’s… embarrassing. You should maybe do something about that.

Well. Maybe in a bit. You’re pretty fucking comfortable.

Karkat seems to be watching some Alternian abomination, so you crack an eye open to see if you can tell what it is. Judging by the fact that you can’t see the screen but it’s _Karkat_ that’s watching the movie, it’s probably a rom-com.

You close your eye and shift slightly, both to let him know you’re awake and to get your bearings a bit, and -- whoa, your head is _really_ close to his, that’s awkward.

Back up a sec. (Not literally.)

It seems like you’re essentially on top of him, your head on his shoulder, currently kinda facing his neck. You’re not exactly straddling his lap but there’s a definite tangle situation happening with your legs and it’s just overall awkward. His arms are sort of lazily around your waist, but not exactly. Like, one hand’s chilling on your back and the other is delivering some kind of snack to his mouth.

This is probably the quietest he’s ever been in your presence.

But it’s really uncool to be sitting like this. So you grumble and shove until you're sitting cross-legged a foot away from him, straightening your god tier jammies.

(You don't notice Karkat’s frown.)

KARKAT: OH HEY, YOU’RE AWAKE.

DAVE: yep ive joined the land of the living

You smack your lips for maximum effect, and also in an attempt to help the taste of sleep in your mouth.

DAVE: here i am  
DAVE: living  
DAVE: whatre you eating

KARKAT: JUST GRUBSNACKS. WANT SOME?

He passes you the bowl and you take a few. They’re a little like puffy Cheetos, except green. They taste almost the same, except a little sweeter and a little more bitter. It’s not the best flavor, but it’s pretty tolerable as troll snacks go. 

DAVE: so how do you feel about pretending our last conversation never happened

Karkat turns and looks at you, giving you the patented Karkat YOU FUCKING IDIOT, WHY WOULD YOU EVEN SAY SOMETHING LIKE THAT? IT’S SO BEYOND THE REALM OF REASONABLE THOUGHT I DON’T EVEN UNDERSTAND HOW YOUR PAN COULD HOLD SUCH AN ABSURD THOUGHT look. It’s one you’re familiar with.

KARKAT: NEGATIVELY??  
KARKAT: IT WAS KIND OF AN IMPORTANT CONVERSATION.

DAVE: ok but consider this  
DAVE: forgetting i ever lost my cool like that and continuing on like bros

KARKAT: OR HOW ABOUT THIS:  
KARKAT: WE TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR OUR ACTIONS AND ALLOW OUR FRIENDSHIP TO DEVELOP.

DAVE: sounds fake but okay

He heavily smacks his forehead with the snack hand, and immediately afterwards he shrieks and paws at his hair, freeing miniature cascades of what looks like bright green Cheeto dust.

DAVE: dude chill

KARKAT: FUCK OFF!  
KARKAT: I DON’T WANT TO HAVE GRUBSNACK DUST IN MY HAIR.

DAVE: whatever  
DAVE: can we just like  
DAVE: chill  
DAVE: like  
DAVE: ill sit like a reasonable human being and well watch this shitty movie i wont understand and we can just  
DAVE: leave it for later  
DAVE: okay

He sighs.

KARKAT: OKAY.

You wait to see if he’s going to add anything to that, but when the silence stretches out long enough to become awkward, you force yourself to break it.

DAVE: so what are we watching

Works like a charm.

KARKAT: ONLY ONE OF THE GREATEST CINEMATIC MASTERPIECES TO COME OUT OF ALTERNIA.  
KARKAT: “IN WHICH A SEADWELLER WHO EITHER FAILS OR REFUSES TO FILL ANY OF HIS QUADRANTS BUT THE PALE ONE MEETS A MIDBLOOD WHO, UPON FURTHER INVESTIGATION, IS REVEALED TO HAVE A CULLABLE MEMORY DISABILITY BUT IS PROTECTED BY HER LUSUS AND MIDBLOOD MOIRAIL, WHO HAVE CONCEALED HER CONDITION FROM HER BY PRETENDING EVERY DAY IS THE DAY BEFORE SHE LOST HER MEMORY, AND DESPITE THEIR WARNINGS THE SEADWELLER CONTINUES TO PURSUE HER DESPITE THE CONDITION, ETC. ETC.”  
KARKAT: IT’S ONE OF MY FAVORITES.

DAVE: sounds like  
DAVE: oh shit whats that one shitty adam sandler movie called  
DAVE: fifty first dates or some shit

KARKAT: EXCUSE YOU, FIRST OF ALL --

DAVE: bitch  
DAVE: sorry i couldnt help the meme  
DAVE: it just came out

KARKAT: -- THERE IS ABSOLUTELY NO WAY YOUR HUMAN ADAM SANDLER IS HALF AS COMPETENT AS TROLL ADAM SANDLER, AND THE SAME GOES FOR THIS MOVIE, WHICH IS A NUANCED PICTURE WITH WHAT IS I’M SURE AN ENTIRELY DIFFERENT CINEMATIC MESSAGE.

DAVE: that last bit is actually probably true  
DAVE: most human movies have a lot less government sanctioned killing  
DAVE: but then again i never saw fifty first dates so i cant say for sure

KARKAT: COULD YOU ALCHEMIZE IT? THEN WE COULD COMPARE AND CONTRAST.

DAVE: i dont know ask rose  
DAVE: shes better with that than me  
DAVE: maybe though  
DAVE: plus if were both going to compare and contrast this well both need to have seen all of both movies so wed have to watch this one again so i can see the whole thing

KARKAT: OH YEAH.  
KARKAT: WELL IN THAT CASE, I’LL START IT OVER.

DAVE: nah we can watch it some other time go ahead and finish

You hate just, like, sitting without some kind of seat or at least a backrest, so you drag the couch over. Not to sit on, just to lean back on. And you sit there, a foot away from Karkat, and watch the rest of this movie that you don’t understand literally at all. Seriously, any kind of meaning you extract from this foreign language monstrosity is based on what Karkat explicitly tells you, and it’s basically gibberish.

You sit there after the movie ends, licking grubsnack dust out from under your claws and just sort of thinking. Your normal hand is sort of idly rubbing the edge of the troll skin.

KARKAT: IT’S SPREADING PRETTY FAST.

You almost say, sarcastically, no shit sherlock, but stop yourself.

DAVE: yeah

KARKAT: IT’LL BE OKAY.

DAVE: okay

You don’t believe him.

##

You may have napped a little, but it was a far cry from a full night’s sleep after a long, stressful day. So, after watching another movie with Karkat ( ~~fortunately~~ sadly not Earth’s rendition of Fifty First Dates), you go back to your room and sleep for another few hours. When you wake up, your whole forearm is gray and you’re starving, so you go to the common room to see about some breakfast.

There are spikes on the outside sort of edge of your forearm. They’re not very big or very sharp, but they're hard and a darker color than the rest of your skin.

Terezi has them too, so the other trolls probably also do.

When you arrive in the common room, Vriska, Terezi, and Kanaya are there, Kanaya sitting alone at the table while Vriska and Terezi are sitting on the couch.

DAVE: sup ladies  
DAVE: are karkat and rose cahooting in the lab™

KANAYA: I Dont Think Thats The Word I Would Use But Yes  
KANAYA: Im Afraid Ive Already Done All I Can In That Area

You shrug and go pour yourself a bowl of Froot Loops like you usually do, taking care to neither crush nor drop the box.

KANAYA: Dont Humans Usually Use Their Moobeast Milk With The Small Carbohydrate Pieces

DAVE: uh i guess  
DAVE: i dunno ive just always done it with aj like this  
DAVE: tastes fine to me

KANAYA: Perhaps It Was Not So Standard A Practice As Rose Suggested Then

DAVE: maybe i dunno

You sit next to her and ask what she's doing, since you're bored. Nothing At The Moment, she says, and you kind of get that. After a moment of silence, though, she asks:

KANAYA: So How Is It Going With Karkat

DAVE: what do you mean with karkat  
DAVE: say that like theres something there  
DAVE: its nothing okay god cant a couple of bros watch a movie every now and then without everyone assuming it has to be one of your stupid alien foursquare things

It takes a moment before the regret starts to sink in from snapping at Kanaya, but once it hits, oh does it hit. You didn’t just dodge the question, you got majorly defensive. If this were Rose, she’d be on you like a shark, but this is very much not Rose.

DAVE: fuck  
DAVE: fuck fuck im sorry  
DAVE: i just  
DAVE: man im sorry i didnt mean to insult your entire species i know you guys get protective of your systems and i mean its not like rose and i dont do the exact same thing  
DAVE: so  
DAVE: uh  
DAVE: ill take my cereal and go

Kanaya looks alarmed.

KANAYA: Oh You Dont Have To Go  
KANAYA: I Apologize If My Question Made You Uncomfortable  
KANAYA: I Only Meant To Ask How You And He Were Doing  
KANAYA: Not Necessarily As A Unit

This is so embarrassing. This is the worst thing. Kanaya’s chill. Kanaya’s never done or said anything rude or mean or even a tiny bit offensive to you. She terrifies you just a little bit, because apparently she’s cut multiple people in half with a chainsaw, but really she seems nice and entirely undeserving of your bullshit.

DAVE: im really sorry for going off on you like that  
DAVE: im  
DAVE: yknow about as fine as i can be  
DAVE: he seems fine or whatever  
DAVE: i know you said i didnt have to go to be polite or whatever but today seems like a grand day to spend in my room doing very little so if you dont mind im just gonna

You wave a sharp little wave with your troll hand, the one not holding your still-mostly-full cereal bowl, and head out.

DAVE: see you maybe  
DAVE: have a nice day and all  
DAVE: sorry

Someone might say Wait or maybe even W41T as you’re leaving but you ignore it and just sort of wander for a bit. You head in the general direction of your room, eating cereal as you go, but when you pass the door you just keep going. After a while you stop even walking, electing instead to trail your toes on the ground as you slowly hover a few inches off the ground.

You end up drifting towards The Lab, as Rose dubbed it. You hear some familiar shouting echoing from down the hall. That’s right, Karkat’s in there with her. You briefly consider going in and seeing what they’re doing, but decide against it. You’ve embarrassed yourself enough for today.

Instead you drift around until you don't know where you are. Resolving not to touch anything, you duck into a lab and curl up in a corner. Your cape is a fine blanket, and you finish the soggy remains of your cereal leaning against the wall.

There's nothing to do here.

Here, specifically, yeah, but there's nothing to do on this meteor. It’s like you told Vriska. You are here for three years to just wait. You may be moving near light speed towards a new universe and away from a deadly enemy, but you're all as stagnant as if you were still sitting there in dead space by the Green Sun.

You're the same as if you really had died there.

Except. You're not. Because you didn't die there and now you _have_ to keep living all the way until the next session because apparently everyone’s going to die without you or some bullshit and what’s even the point anyway? Why the fuck should you care? And they don't _really_ need you anyway. What’re you gonna do, swing your sword around and just magically defeat all the bad guys? It’s not going to happen.

And what if you can’t do it? What if you pick up your sword and you just can't swing it at whoever you need to swing it at?

What if you have another… _whatever_ , that happened when you tried to do some sword work about halfway through the first year? You were _pathetic_ , crying and hyperventilating and shaking. What if that happens again during the fight?

You’ll either get killed right away or you'll get everyone else killed and _then_ get killed.

You can't let that happen. Oh god, you cannot let that happen. Rose, Karkat, Terezi, Kanaya, even Vriska, god, John and Jade too -- you could get everyone killed, even the people in the other session! Even --

\-- even the alternate Bro.

Well, that won't be much of anything new for him, will it, since you basically got him killed this time around too.

You can't stand being alone for another second.

You couldn't stand to see another living being right now.

Pesterchum is just so damn convenient, sometimes.

\-- turntechGodhead  [TG] began pestering carcinoGeneticist  [CG] \--

TG: hey

\-- carcinoGeneticist  [CG]  is an idle chum! --

TG: k cool but imma keep talking cause im kinda stuck in my head right now  
TG: do you ever spend too much time alone  
TG: and like your thoughts are just not going in good directions  
TG: but you cant stand the idea of being within a mile of another person  
TG: so you just kinda stay there alone  
TG: except you keep thinking and keep thinking and its  
TG: its stuff that you know is really not good to be thinking  
TG: but theres no one to distract you  
TG: and thats a good thing cause you dont wanna be around anyone  
TG: but you just keep thinking all this bad shit  
TG: and its fucking you up  
TG: unrelated but do you ever wonder whatd happen if you just kinda  
TG: stopped  
TG: went away  
TG: didnt exist anymore  
CG: HOLY SHIT, DAVE.  
CG: ARE YOU OKAY? DO YOU WANT ME TO COME TO YOU?  
TG: NO  
TG: no dont  
CG: OKAY, I WON’T COME FIND YOU.  
CG: DO YOU ACTUALLY WANT TO HEAR MY ANSWER TO THAT QUESTION?  
CG: THAT VERY SPECIFIC, AGONIZINGLY DRAWN-OUT QUESTION?  
TG: i mean if you wanna tell me you can  
TG: i guess i was kinda asking  
CG: YES.  
TG: what  
CG: YES, I DO SPEND TOO MUCH TIME ALONE SOMETIMES, AND YES I START THINKING REALLY SHITTY THINGS.  
CG: ABOUT MYSELF, AND MY LIFE, AND WHAT I COULD’VE DONE DIFFERENTLY, AND SOMETIMES ABOUT HOW NO MATTER WHAT I’LL PROBABLY SEVERELY FUCK UP THE FUTURE.  
CG: FUCK, NOT THAT LONG AGO I DID ONE OF THOSE MEMOS IN WHICH I TALK TO A FUTURE OR PAST ME.  
CG: SHOCKINGLY TO ALL, IT WAS AN ABSOLUTE FUCKING SHITSHOW AND ONLY MADE ME FEEL WORSE, EVEN AFTER I’D BECOME FUTURE ME.  
CG: I AM AND ALWAYS HAVE BEEN INCAPABLE OF CALMLY OR REASONABLY TALKING TO MYSELF, AND STARTING A CONVERSATION IN A FIT OF SELF-LOATHING IS EVEN LESS CONDUCIVE TO THAT KIND OF THING THAN I’M ALREADY PREDISPOSED NOT TO BE.  
CG: ALTHOUGH SOMETIMES I FIND THAT HAVING ANOTHER PERSON AROUND CAN HELP EITHER DISTRACT ME OR MAKE IT GO AWAY.  
CG: THOUGH, ADMITTEDLY, I’VE BEGUN TO REALIZE THAT IT’S QUICKER AND LESS PAINFUL TO PRETEND THAT INCESSANT COMPLIMENTS ACTUALLY DO MAGICALLY APPEASE MY INTENSE SELF-LOATHING.  
CG: BUT THAT’S PROBABLY NOT GOOD FOR ME.  
TG: wait hang on youve been doing those memos again  
CG: HEY, ONE FUCKING TIME SINCE WE TOOK OFF!  
CG: I RECOGNIZE THAT IT’S NOT HEALTHY FOR ME TO RIP ON MYSELF, EVEN IF IT’S A DIFFERENT VERSION OF ME.  
TG: probably not dude  
CG: YEAH.  
CG: STILL DO IT THOUGH.  
CG: ANYWAY. DO YOU WANT TO KEEP TALKING ABOUT SERIOUS THINGS OR DO YOU JUST WANT ME TO DISTRACT YOU?  
TG: i dunno  
TG: i guess i could tolerate a talk about issues or whatever  
CG: ALRIGHT, LAY IT ON ME.  
TG: what  
CG: JUST SPIT IT ALL OUT. SERIOUSLY, IT FEELS REALLY GOOD.  
CG: TRY TO AVOID METAPHORS AND TANGENTS AND JUST TELL ME EVERYTHING THAT’S BOTHERING YOU.  
CG: I WON’T INTERRUPT YOU.  
TG: ok  
TG: fuck i have no idea how to start  
CG: JUST PICK ONE THING. MAYBE LIKE, “I FEEL JEALOUS OF HOW AMAZING KARKAT IS,” AND GO FROM THERE.  
CG: MAKE SURE IT’S ABOUT YOU AND HOW YOU FEEL.  
TG: of course that was your example  
TG: talk about the duality of man  
TG: well alien i guess but whatever  
CG: ANY TIME TODAY, DAVE.  
TG: right sorry  
TG: i guess  
TG: i feel... like shit  
TG: seriously though  
TG: i feel like theres literally nothing worthwhile to do on this shitty rock  
TG: i know vriska said to train but christ i TRIED that  
TG: during the first year i picked up my sword and started swinging it around just practicing or whatever  
TG: but my spine was crawling and i was way too tense and i felt like i was being watched even though i know i was totally alone  
TG: and i started hyperventilating and crying  
TG: it was so pathetic  
TG: if brod seen me hedve whupped my ass  
TG: as well he should have  
TG: and what if that happens during the boss fight  
TG: what if i have to go up against furry bec and my hands shake and i cant do it  
TG: hed kill me and then hed go after everyone else  
TG: or maybe hed decide that im not worth it and just kill me last as an afterthought or whatever  
TG: and then hed kill all of you and everyone in the new session  
TG: ugh  
TG: and that made me start thinking about bro  
TG: it  
TG: it was my fault he died  
CG: I DISAGREE.  
TG: what happened to not interrupting me  
CG: BECAUSE THIS IS A SPECIAL CASE.  
CG: IT WASN’T YOUR FAULT HE DIED.  
TG: it was though  
CG: DID YOU KILL HIM?  
TG: i may as well have  
CG: BUT DID YOU DO IT?  
CG: DID YOU, IN FULL POSSESSION OF YOUR FACULTIES, PHYSICALLY AND LITERALLY KILL HIM?  
TG: well  
TG: no  
CG: EXACTLY. YOU WEREN’T EVEN THERE. YOU COULDN’T HAVE DONE ANYTHING DIFFERENTLY.  
CG: THAT’S THE THING ABOUT THE ALPHA TIMELINE. YOU COULD *NEVER* HAVE DONE ANYTHING DIFFERENTLY.  
CG: IT’S SHITTY BEYOND BELIEF, BUT THAT’S JUST HOW IT IS.  
TG: i hate this  
TG: i hate this i hate this i hate this i hate this  
TG: i wish id never  
CG: ...  
CG: DAVE, IT’S BEEN FIVE WHOLE MINUTES. ARE YOU STILL THERE?  
TG: yeah  
TG: does it ever kind of just hit you that your entire planet is completely gone  
TG: everyone on it is dead  
TG: like yeah growing up it was *mostly* me and bro but i mean there were other people  
TG: we lived in an apartment building full of other people  
TG: everyone who worked at that gas station i used to always go to when i had money  
TG: there were six billion people on that planet and now there are four left living  
CG: I KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN.  
CG: TROLLS WERE SPREAD OUT ACROSS THE FUCKING UNIVERSE, AND ALL OF THEM ARE DEAD BECAUSE OF ME.  
TG: whoa hey now  
TG: nice to meet you pot my names kettle  
TG: mr you could never have done anything differently  
TG: dont blame yourself for that  
TG: ill admit i dont know the full story but theres no way you singlehandedly murdered every single troll in the universe  
CG: I DON’T UNDERSTAND THE THING ABOUT THE “POT” AND THE “KETTLE”, BUT I’LL IGNORE IT IN FAVOR OF OTHER THINGS.  
CG: WAY TO USE MY OWN WORDS AGAINST ME, ASSHOLE.  
TG: s how you know theyre true  
TG: we both gotta work on that shit looks like  
CG: YEAH.  
CG: YOU’RE RIGHT.  
TG: anyway i did have a point  
TG: way back yonder when i started talking about all this everyone on my planet is dead shit  
TG: anyway my point was  
TG: i honest to god do not know if i actually regret playing this game  
TG: i mean  
TG: obviously if i could id bring back earth and everyone on it and shit  
TG: but at the same time  
TG: god this is gonna sound gay but  
TG: im really glad i got the chance to actually meet john and jade and rose and all of you in person  
TG: or at all really since you never wouldve talked to us if we hadnt been players  
TG: shit we never wouldve met if we werent players  
TG: jade sort of orchestrated all of us meeting and she got all her knowledge from skaia  
TG: christ i wouldve been completely alone  
TG: so thats why i cant fully say that yes i regret playing this world ending game  
TG: even if i had somehow been born unlike how it actually happened  
TG: even if i would still exist without sburb  
TG: i cant regret it all  
TG: of course this absolutely doesnt stop me from regretting SOME things  
CG: OH, OF COURSE.  
TG: ohhh yeah  
TG: ywanna list some off  
TG: heres one  
TG: making one of my best friends who i was maybe interested in at one point shoot me a fuck ton of times through her dog and then kiss me is a good one for the list  
TG: your turn  
CG: HM, WELL, SENDING SOMEONE *ELSE* AFTER MY OWN MOIRAIL WHEN HE WAS ON A MURDER RAGE SPREE COMES TO THE FRONT OF MY MIND.  
CG: GOT ANOTHER? I COULD GO ALL DAY.  
TG: hm well lets think  
TG: letting my sister go kill herself in the green sun was pretty great if you ask me  
TG: i did end up going with but i couldnt stop her  
TG: got another one  
CG: OH, DO I EVER.  
CG: THERE WAS THE TIME I LITERALLY GAVE YOUR ENTIRE UNIVERSE CANCER, RUINING BOTH YOUR LIVES AND MY OWN. THAT WAS GOOD.  
CG: YOU’RE UP.  
TG: you know im getting the feeling that maybe this is not such a good thing to be doing  
TG: so  
TG: maybe lets stop  
CG: ...YEAH, PROBABLY.  
TG: hey uh  
TG: im feeling better i guess  
TG: except i have no idea where i am  
TG: um  
CG: WANT ME TO COME FIND YOU?  
TG: yeah that might be nice  
CG: OKAY, I’LL BE THERE SOON.  
CG: DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHERE YOU ARE?  
TG: i mean i walked past The Lab but i doubt that helps much cause i was walking for a while  
CG: ALRIGHT. STAND JUST OUTSIDE THE DOOR SO I DON’T HAVE TO GO THROUGH EVERY ROOM TO FIND YOU BUT DON’T MOVE.  
TG: k  
CG: SEE YOU SOON.

\-- carcinoGeneticist  [CG]  has ceased pestering turntechGodhead  [TG]  \--

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *weeps* I'm formatting this on mobile and ao3 deleted it all and I was halfway through this long-ass chapter.
> 
> Any and all feedback is welcome, as always, and here's my [tumblr](http://shitstuck.tumblr.com/) if you want it.


	5. Karkat

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Lab, a giant headcanon dump from me, an incident more disquieting to some than others, and watching a movie.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yikes. Okay, this chapter's a doozy. I'm sorry, but the infant death section isn't skippable since it comes into play in the next chapter. That being said, warnings for this chapter are mentions of abuse/neglect, the infant death (in this case it was never alive, if that changes anything?), whatever homophobic and transphobic jokes that were in 50 First Dates (which are more than I expected, honestly), internalized homophobia, and because there were a lot of genital jokes in that movie I've also got Dave explaining in layman's terms of how that all works.
> 
> Whew.
> 
> And to make the second section a little more... coherent, each dash is just time that passes in the movie.

When it’s finally late enough in the evening to go to the common room, you find that Rose is there alone.

ROSE: Hello, Karkat.

KARKAT: HI.

ROSE: We don’t talk much, which seems like a shame to me, but unfortunately I lack the time to be social at the moment.  
ROSE: Would you accompany me to The Lab? There are no labels on any of the buttons but I was hoping you would be able to extrapolate their functions, since you have experience using Skaia’s machinery.

KARKAT: OH.  
KARKAT: YEAH, SURE.

ROSE: And I do have a few questions about troll physiology, just to get a second opinion. I already asked Kanaya, of course, but I want to get a wider sample range.

KARKAT: ALRIGHT, HIT ME.

She starts walking and gestures for you to follow.

ROSE: First I’m going to explain a few things about human physiology so that my questions don’t seem so ridiculous, because they very well might.  
ROSE: Humans are mammals descended from apes. We have internal skeletons, and adults have two hundred and six bones. All of us have red blood, which you know, but we can have a wide range of different skin colors.  
ROSE: Admittedly, this range is from brown to brown, but it’s from very light brown to very dark brown.  
ROSE: We survived evolution because we were pursuit predators, who followed prey until it passed out instead of attempting to keep up with it, and because we were so aggressively social that we were able to domesticate animals.  
ROSE: Oh, what else…  
ROSE: We are sexually dimorphic, with a generally male and a generally female sex. We can have a range of hair and eye colors as well, though certain of these often go with certain skin colors. I think that’s most everything that would make sense to you, not knowing our units.

KARKAT: HUH, THAT'S INTERESTING.  
KARKAT: WELL, TROLLS ARE…  
KARKAT: WE’RE TROLLS. I DON’T KNOW. WE START OUT AS WIGGLERS AND THEN WE PUPATE AND BECOME ADOLESCENTS AND THEN WE PUPATE ONE MORE TIME AND BECOME ADULTS.

ROSE: What do the wigglers look like? Where do they come from?

KARKAT: THEY HAVE BODIES THAT ARE THE COLOR OF THEIR BLOOD AND ROUND BUT STILL TROLLISH FACES.  
KARKAT: A MOTHER GRUB LAYS THEIR EGGS AND, IF THEY SURVIVE THE TRIALS, THEY MIGHT BE SELECTED BY A LUSUS.

ROSE: I see, a sort of “queen bee” situation. How many legs do the wigglers have, just to confirm a theory?

KARKAT: SIX. MAYBE YOU’VE NOTICED KANAYA’S GRUBSCARS. THAT’S WHERE HER LEGS WERE AS A WIGGLER. ALL TROLLS HAVE THEM.

ROSE: Vestigial remains of the wiggler phase. Interesting. So it would seem that you are insect-based. You have a few queens and the rest of your species is biologically male. Why do you even have a concept of gender, then?

KARKAT: BECAUSE SOME OF US ARE GIRLS AND SOME OF US ARE BOYS? I DON’T UNDERSTAND THE QUESTION.

ROSE: I mentioned that humans are sexually dimorphic, right? That means we have separate male and female genitals. So, generally speaking, that is how gender is determined. Of course, there are people who identify differently, and of course there are biological exceptions, but that is the most common scenario. How is trolls’ gender determined? What is it based on?

KARKAT: I DON’T KNOW.  
KARKAT: BUT I DO KNOW THAT A MALE LUSUS WILL ALWAYS CHOOSE A MALE GRUB AND THAT KIND OF THING.

ROSE: Perhaps it is the lusus that determines the gender of the troll, then. What makes lusii different from regular animals? Or is there no difference?

KARKAT: LUSII ARE WHITE, FOR ONE THING.  
KARKAT: THEY TEND TO BE SMARTER, THOUGH IT’S REALLY HARD TO TELL HOW MUCH OF A DIFFERENCE THAT MAKES. AND ALL REGULAR ANIMALS HAVE BRIGHT RED BLOOD LIKE YOU AND ME.

ROSE: All lusii are on the hemospectrum?

KARKAT: YEAH, A LUSUS ALWAYS PICKS A WIGGLER WITH THE SAME COLOR BLOOD AS IT.

ROSE: So a lusus looks for the most similar grub it can find, is that right?

KARKAT: AND THE HEALTHIEST, YEAH.  
KARKAT: SOME LUSII ARE MORE DESPERATE THAN OTHERS FOR A GRUB, THOUGH.  
KARKAT: SOME, YOU CAN’T TELL WHY THEY EVEN TOOK A GRUB.  
KARKAT: I MEAN, REALLY, IF YOU’RE LITERALLY ALWAYS GOING TO BE OUT TO SEA, WHY EVEN TAKE A GRUB? HE’S NOT GOING TO DO ANYTHING FOR YOU, ESPECIALLY IF YOU NEVER DO ANYTHING FOR HIM.

ROSE: It seems as though this is a personal slight.  
ROSE: Your lusus or a friends?

KARKAT: ...GAMZEE’S.

ROSE: Really. That’s interesting.

She walks silently for a while, pensive. You reach the door to The Lab just then.

ROSE: Right. I’ve asked you more than is really necessary about your society. Let’s look at a few of these machines.

She leads you to the central bank of computers. It’s just like most of the computer terminals you encountered within the Game, except instead of having twelve screens this one has seven. One of these has a crack in the top left corner, like someone took a small hammer to it.

ROSE: Kanaya has informed me that none of this is in a language she can read, nor does she have any idea what certain buttons could be for.

You look at the bank, but notice that on a perpendicular wall, there’s a terminal that looks a lot more like the ectobiology equipment you used on that dark day when you had twenty-four fucking wigglers on you at once.

One of the tubes is mostly full of slime. You look around sharply, trying to find --

Shit. You’re right.

The broken tube has been emptied of slime. The corpse of a dead troll is now crumpled at the bottom. Slime is splattered on the floor in a several-foot radius.

ROSE: That must have happened after Kanaya and I left yesterday.

KARKAT: WELL, I’VE GOT ONE THING I CAN TRY.

You go back over to the ectobiology bank and press the button that you're pretty sure should create a direct clone of the dead troll in the goo. At the very least, it’ll make _something_ happen.

(Dave’s voice echoes in your mind: where doin this man where MAKIN it HAPEN. You shake your head to rid yourself of the thought.)

Something certainly happens. A candy red wiggler appears in the center of the big platform in the middle of the room.

It's dead.

Rose gasps and you walk over to it and prod it with your touchstub. It’s not even warm, just cool and sort of wet to the touch.

KARKAT: SO THAT WAS A BUST.

ROSE: You don’t say.

Her voice is thin and shaky.

KARKAT: WE’D BETTER GET RID OF THIS THING. ANY IDEAS AS TO HOW WE CAN DISPOSE OF IT? I’D RATHER NOT MAKE A PYRE IF WE CAN AVOID IT, BUT IF THAT’S OUR ONLY OPTION WE CAN DO THAT.

ROSE: Gah.  
ROSE: One thought comes to mind, though it’s not a pleasant one.  
ROSE: We could carry it up to the edge and toss it into space.  
ROSE: We’d either be throwing it into Jack’s face or into an unlucky dreambubble, but I don’t think we exactly want it to rot on the meteor for another year.

KARKAT: THAT SOUNDS FINE.

You captchalogue it and walk in silence up to the top sort of edge of the meteor. Rose seems really upset by the dead wiggler, but that seems like a conversation she’d probably rather have with Kanaya. You don’t see the problem. It’s just a dead wiggler. It’s not like wigglers didn’t die by the thousands on a daily basis back on Alternia.

When you reach the top edge, you unceremoniously decaptchalogue it and toss it back into space.

ROSE: Is… is that all? Not going to say a few words or anything?

Your crabwatch pings. You ignore it.

KARKAT: WHAT DO YOU MEAN? WHY WOULD I DO THAT?  
KARKAT: IT’S ONLY A DEAD WIGGLER. WIGGLERS DIE ALL THE TIME, BY THE THOUSANDS EVEN, AND THEY’RE NOT EXACTLY THE ONLY ONES.

ROSE: Right, right, reproducing by quantity versus quality and letting natural selection weed out the weaklings.  
ROSE: Forgot about how  
ROSE: Harsh. How harsh Alternia was for a moment.

Your crabwatch pings again. You put it on mute.

KARKAT: WHAT WAS THAT SHIT ABOUT “NATURAL” SELECTION? WHAT DID YOU THINK THE JOB OF JADEBLOODS WAS? THEY WORK IN THE BROODING CAVERNS AND CULL SICK EGGS OR WEAK WIGGLERS.

Rose looks shocked.

ROSE: That’s… that’s awful.

KARKAT: WELL, HOW DO HUMANS DO IT, THEN?

ROSE: You -- you must remember, first, that we are mammals. We do not produce our young by the thousands or millions -- they are almost always produced one at a time.  
ROSE: The choice to start a family is a serious one. Parents are expected to care for their child and raise it until it reaches adulthood, and stay in contact even after it leaves the family home.  
ROSE: There are exceptions, of course. Like you said earlier, sometimes you wonder why a person even made the decision to start a family.  
ROSE: And sometimes they don't make the decision, and end up with a child anyway, even if they aren't ready or don’t want it or don’t know how to be a good parent so they shower it with gifts and false affection but then spend all their time drunk anyway, so why would they even want a child? Until you find out that, oh right, they didn’t, you just came in on a meteor anyway.

KARKAT: ARE YOU… OKAY? DO YOU NEED, LIKE, A PILE? SHOULD I GO GET KANAYA OR DAVE?

ROSE: I am fine. Skaia may not have made the best parenting decisions, is all. But I am fine.

You stand there in silence for another few minutes. It’s awkward as fuck, honestly, but she seems like she’s gathering herself, so you let it slide.

The silence isn’t interrupted until you notice your crabwatch lighting up again.

KARKAT: IT’S DAVE.

ROSE: Is something wrong?

KARKAT: SEEMS LIKE IT. I CAN TAKE CARE OF IT.

ROSE: If you’re sure, I think I’ll go see Kanaya.

KARKAT: YEAH, I’VE GOT THIS.

##

It takes some wandering, but you eventually find Dave, sitting next to the door of some random other lab.

KARKAT: HEY.

DAVE: hey

KARKAT: YOU DOING ALRIGHT?

DAVE: meh

He seems lethargic, sort of, scraping dirt out from under the blunt claws on his human hand. You sit down next to him.

KARKAT: DO YOU WANT TO GO TRY AND ALCHEMIZE THAT HUMAN MOVIE WITH THE IDIOTIC SHORT TITLE YOU MENTIONED?

DAVE: sure why not

You stand up, and when he doesn’t stand with you, you extend a hand to him. He takes it with the troll hand, and it’s strange to see Dave, whose hands you don’t exactly feel up very often but you at least know what to expect, and feel this unfamiliar troll’s hand. He doesn’t know how to hold your hand without accidentally digging his claws in awkwardly.

He pulls his hand away sharply when he’s fully upright.

You walk to the common room in silence. It’s empty when you get there.

KARKAT: SO HOW DO YOU THINK WE’LL END UP WITH HUMAN “IN WHICH A SEADWELLER, ETC.”?  
KARKAT: MAYBE IF WE COMBINED THE ALTERNIAN VERSION WITH A HUMAN MOVIE. DO YOU HAVE ANY OF THOSE?

DAVE: ive got a couple yeah  
DAVE: god these are all like weird ones though  
DAVE: i dont exactly want to create some abomination lovechild of saw and fifty first dates i cant even imagine what that would look like  
DAVE: why the hell do i have a copy of fucking saw in my sylladex

KARKAT: WE’LL HAVE TO ASK ROSE, THEN, AND SHE JUST WENT TO TALK TO KANAYA.

DAVE: ill pester her

He spends a few minutes talking to Rose with his stupid little puppet ass.

DAVE: i got the code for one of her sordid vampire romance movies  
DAVE: so hopefully if we have to combine this and fifty first dates it wont change it too much

He spends the next couple minutes trying different combinations of your movie and Rose’s. He ends up with one copy of a movie you’re not familiar with called “In which a young jadeblood meets a suspicious fellow jadeblood who exhibits strange qualities such as having glowing white skin and never eating; the young jadeblood’s friends dismiss the other suspicious jadeblood as an irregularity; the suspicious jadeblood tells the young jadeblood not to associate with him despite continually associating with her, etc., etc.”

It seems pretty good to you.

Dave also ends up with one copy of a movie called “50 First Dates,” which is a much worse and less descriptive title.

KARKAT: HOW THE FUCK IS SOMEONE SUPPOSED TO KNOW WHAT MOVIE YOU’RE EVEN TALKING ABOUT WITH SUCH A SHORT TITLE?

DAVE: i dunno how the fuck is someone supposed to be able to talk about movies without immediately spoiling everything that happens

KARKAT: THAT MAY BE A VALID POINT BUT THAT DOESN’T MEAN YOUR NEEDLESSLY BRIEF MOVIE TITLES ARE BETTER THAN OURS!

Dave sets it up in the human “DVD” player one of them alchemized a while back and the pair of you sit on the couch in the movie room.

You have… a lot of questions.

-

KARKAT: WHAT IS HAWAII?

DAVE: a really warm tropical place everyone wants to go for vacation and to infringe on the culture  
DAVE: kinda like paradise

-

KARKAT: THERE HAS TO BE A JOKE BEHIND “HARRY PARATESTICLES” BUT I DON’T GET IT.

Dave actually has to pause the fucking movie here, he’s bent over laughing. 

DAVE: karkat… karkat… i cant do this

KARKAT: WHAT’S THE JOKE?

DAVE: oh my god

He wheezes for a moment more before actually fucking explaining.

DAVE: most human guys have whats called testicles and there are two of them and theyre also called balls  
DAVE: the joke is that he gave the ugly girl a fake name that sounds like hairy pair of testicles and she didnt realize

KARKAT: THAT’S… KIND OF SHITTY.

Dave pauses a moment.

DAVE: yeah i guess  
DAVE: this isnt exactly the pinnacle of filmmaking though so i mean i dont exactly have high expectations for the jokes

He unpauses the movie.

-

KARKAT: WAIT, SO THE TESTICLE THING.  
KARKAT: IS THAT WHY THE GUY ASKS HIM HOW HIS BALLS ARE?

DAVE: oh my god  
DAVE: yeah balls are apparently like fucking wicked sensitive and it hurts a lot when they get kicked or whatever

KARKAT: WHY? HE LANDED BETWEEN HIS LEGS? WOULDN’T THEY JUST BE TUCKED UP… INSIDE?

DAVE: i cant deal with this  
DAVE: dude balls hang outside

KARKAT: WAIT, HANG ON, HUMAN GENITALS JUST HANG OUT OUTSIDE OF THE BODY?  
KARKAT: WHY THE HELL WOULD THAT BE A THING? YOUR SPECIES IS FUCKING STUPID.

DAVE: theres like a reason for it but i cant remember right now  
DAVE: and hey man thats only half our species  
DAVE: the other half is probably a little more reasonable by your standards

-

KARKAT: WHAT’S WEED?

DAVE: its a human drug  
DAVE: a lot of people make a lot of jokes about it and so have i but probably half of the people making jokes about it have never tried it  
DAVE: i tried it once cause bro was smoking and he left his joint sitting out but it just made me cough

-

KARKAT: WHAT’S ALASKA?

DAVE: another place except this ones really cold and it snows a lot and in winter the sun doesnt rise and in summer it doesnt set

KARKAT: WHAT THE FUCK?  
KARKAT: THAT’S REALLY COOL AND REALLY WEIRD.  
KARKAT: HOW DO PEOPLE LIVE THERE THEN? OR DO THEY NOT LIVE THERE DURING THE SUMMER?  
KARKAT: OH WAIT, YOUR SUN DOESN’T BURN YOU WHEN YOU STEP OUTSIDE.

DAVE: uh nope it doesnt  
DAVE: at least not instantly but it takes a long time and its pretty mild

-

DAVE: jesus that was a cheap joke

KARKAT: WHAT WAS THE JOKE?

DAVE: well there was no way hed be looking at the guy obviously

KARKAT: WHY NOT?

DAVE: well cause  
DAVE: cause hes not gay  
DAVE: he likes women not men  
DAVE: you know hes normal

KARKAT: WAIT, IT’S NORMAL ONLY TO LIKE WOMEN? WHO LIKES THE MEN, THEN?

Dave pauses the movie again.

DAVE: well the women  
DAVE: normally the women like the men and the men like the women

You turn and look at Dave, but he keeps staring steadfastly at the screen.

KARKAT: WHAT ABOUT ROSE? SHE LIKES KANAYA.  
KARKAT: AND YOU LIKE ME.

DAVE: well i guess rose is kind of an exception  
DAVE: and  
DAVE: i dont like you like in a romantic way

But -- but he’d confided in you, and all the talking, and the joking, and all the fun -- was he saying you were completely misinterpreting him?

Your thoracic cavity feels empty, like your pusher just exploded. You look away from him just as he turns his head towards you, trying to blink back tears.

KARKAT: TURN -- TURN THE MOVIE BACK ON.

He does without saying anything.

You don’t want to say anything more, but you can’t keep yourself from watching the movie, and that means you still have questions.

-

KARKAT: IF -- IF IT’S NOT NORMAL FOR WOMEN TO LIKE WOMEN, IS THAT ANOTHER GAY THING?

DAVE: yeah but for girls the word is lesbian

-

DAVE: jeez this guys kind of a jerk

-

KARKAT: WAIT, WHY IS HE WITH THIS OTHER GIRL? HE WAS JUST WITH THE ONE GIRL.

DAVE: honestly i have no idea  
DAVE: i told you ive never seen this one before  
DAVE: wait looks like hes going on a date with this girl even though he has another date the next morning with the main love interest

KARKAT: WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS GUY’S PROBLEM?  
KARKAT: AND HE JUST CALLED THAT WOMAN A GUY AGAIN.

DAVE: yeah thats a pretty shitty joke

-

DAVE: oh man this part is really bad if you know that she has a memory issue

KARKAT: WHAT DID THOSE MEAN?

DAVE: the first one  
DAVE: so whats usually girl bits have like a kind of smell sometimes and people say its fishy so he made it seem like he had his fingers in  
DAVE: yknow in someones bits  
DAVE: and the second one was like a euphemism for masturbation  
DAVE: dear god please tell me i dont have to explain that one

KARKAT: NO, NO, I KNOW THAT ONE.

DAVE: thank god  
DAVE: anyway she thinks hes being a creep and trying to come on to her

KARKAT: THAT’S FUCKED UP.

DAVE: yeah

-

KARKAT: WHAT’S CHINESE?

DAVE: its the language spoken in a country called china although i dont know if that was actually the language she was speaking

-

KARKAT: WOW, THIS GUY’S AN ASSHOLE.

DAVE: yeah seriously

-

KARKAT: WHAT DOES THAT MEAN, SHE PREFERS SAUSAGE TO TACO?

DAVE: its another reference to bits  
DAVE: sausage is the dick and taco is uh its vagina which is the name for the lady bits  
DAVE: except nobody likes saying vagina cause it sounds really technical but theres not really anything else thats not like rude or derogatory

KARKAT: SO SHE’S… NORMAL? NOT LESBIAN?

DAVE: i mean the word for not lesbian or not gay is straight but yeah

-

KARKAT: WHY DOES HE TRY SOMETHING DIFFERENT EVERY DAY? WHY DOESN’T HE KEEP DOING THE SAME THING IF HE KNOWS IT WORKS?

DAVE: cause hes dumb i guess

-

KARKAT: WHY IS THE NEW SIDE OF THE LUSUS MAN GROSS TO HENRY?

DAVE: cause  
DAVE: uh  
DAVE: men arent supposed to show emotion or love or whatever

KARKAT: THAT’S STUPID.

DAVE: i  
DAVE: hm

He looks down.

-

KARKAT: IT’S WEIRDING ME OUT A BIT THAT THE DOUG GUY TALKS LIKE SOLLUX BUT DOESN’T ACT LIKE HIM AT ALL.

DAVE: what nobody has a lisp in any alternian movie

KARKAT: NOT REALLY, NO.  
KARKAT: EVEN THOUGH A LISP OBVIOUSLY ISN’T ANYTHING LIKE A CULLABLE OFFENSE, THEY STILL DON’T LIKE SHOWING THAT KIND OF SHIT IN MOVIES.

DAVE: well i guess earth is better in that respect  
DAVE: although its not really though is it  
DAVE: doug is still pretty much just comic relief and the lisp is just part of that

-

DAVE: gotta respect that he included the snoops struggle

KARKAT: WHO EVEN IS THAT?

DAVE: only the illest master of sick raps on earth

-

DAVE: all those shitty trans jokes and theres a trans character and hes a shitty joke too  
DAVE: whys it gotta BE this way why is everybody LIKE this  
DAVE: like its big shit yeah but its little shit like this too thats just like haha yeah trans people are just fucking jokes and nothing more haha he has to pee cause he used to be a lady  
DAVE: and you can see they all think of him as weird  
DAVE: argh

He seems really upset.

KARKAT: DO YOU WANT TO STOP WATCHING?

DAVE: no its fine  
DAVE: you can just play it

KARKAT: OKAY, IF YOU’RE SURE.

DAVE: im sure just play it

-

Despite everything, you do start crying when she tells him she plans to forget him, and during the subsequent scene when he’s transcribing her journal and erasing him, and when he leaves. You also cry at the end when they reunite, and at the end on the boat with their children.

DAVE: so whaddya think  
DAVE: was it better than your alternian so called masterpiece

KARKAT: I MEAN, NO.  
KARKAT: OBVIOUSLY.

DAVE: i call bullshit  
DAVE: give me one reason why yours is better

You start to answer but realize you don't truly have one. Or, you do, but it’s just IT MADE YOU UPSET, which you don't think counts here. (And besides, a nasty voice whispers, he doesn’t like you in a romantic way, remember?)

KARKAT: TROLL ADAM SANDLER IS BETTER-LOOKING THAN THE HUMAN ONE.

It was the first thing you could think of.

DAVE: i mean thats not exactly difficult  
DAVE: human adam sandler is gross and he looks gross too  
DAVE: alright i guess ill give you that one

You can’t think of anything else to say for a long enough chunk of time to be uncomfortable, and apparently neither can he.

KARKAT: WANNA GO TO CAN TOWN?

DAVE: oh fuck yes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That was exhausting to write and to code and I'm glad it's over.
> 
> All feedback is welcome, as always! Here's my [tumblr](http://shitstuck.tumblr.com) if anyone wants it.
> 
> EDIT: I found a continuity error so I edited this chapter slightly to fix it -- in chapter one, Karkat references knowing that humans are mammals, but in the original version of this chapter, he was surprised when Rose brought it up. All that's changed is that Karkat has always, in the timeline of this fic, known that the humans are mammals. (He doesn't like to think about that too much because it evokes memories of Equius's equine... _artworks_ , which is just an unfortunate train of thought to follow.)


	6. Rose

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A difficult conversation, complete with interruptions and cooling it down with some light reading.
> 
> Warnings for vomiting (really early on but then not again, and not graphic), discussion of infant death, discussion of Alternian society, and some smooching towards the end.

You leave the roof of the meteor at a walk, but stumble into something of a jog as you go on. Eventually the nausea peaks and you duck into any random door and puke in a corner.

_Its tiny little face and eyes and horns, so still and cold and sticky --_

You crouch next to the wall, sweating. You look around for something to wipe your mouth on and perhaps spit into but nothing reveals itself, so you spit into the pile of vomit and wipe your mouth on the hem of your skirt, also smearing it with lipstick.

(Fortunately, your robes tend to freshen up by themselves, so you don’t need to worry about laundering them or wearing a lipstick and vomit stain all day.)

You sit there gathering yourself for another moment before pulling yourself up and heading out. You know you don’t have to change, strictly speaking, but you don’t want to wear this now foul-smelling dress any longer than you have to.

After you’ve changed and freshened up a bit, you head down to the common room, hoping that Kanaya is there. Fortunately, she is, along with Vriska and Terezi.

ROSE: Can we talk?  
ROSE: That is, can I talk to you about something?

Kanaya sets down her book and looks up at you, seeming somewhat alarmed.

KANAYA: Of Course  
KANAYA: I Have A Pile Mostly Constructed In My Room If That Would Be A Better Setting

ROSE: I think, that, yes, that would be good.

You are, as they say, not doing so hot.

Kanaya takes your arm and walks you to her room in silence, shooting concerned looks at you all the way. When you reach her room, she bustles about, tossing things into the pile in one corner of the room.

Her room is a pleasant place to be, and despite the fact that it is a strong contrast to your general aesthetic it is one of your favorite places on the meteor. She’s draped the walls with colorful fabric, which has the effect of warming the space and brightening it up. In the far end of the room is a bed, shrouded in sheer fabrics. Many of the trolls have adopted human beds due to the lack of recuperacoons available, and Kanaya has incorporated this drapery to make it feel a little more like a cocoon.

In the corner opposite the door is your destination, a mostly-formed pile made largely of books and swathes of fabric. Kanaya lays a few more assorted objects on it and you do the same, pulling a few pillows out of your sylladex and a couple other miscellaneous things.

KANAYA: Come Sit

She sits on one side of the pile. You join her, ending up sort of on her lap. She takes your sort of quivering hands in hers.

You understand now why piling is such an intimate activity in troll culture. You’d initially wondered why simply having a conversation was such a big deal, but the act is more inclusive than you’d known. Even forming the pile is an important sort of ritual, almost emotional foreplay, so to speak. It’s also much more physically intimate than you’d expected, not to mention the level of trust necessary between partners for such a deep emotioinal conversation.

KANAYA: Now What Is Wrong  
KANAYA: Did Something Happen

ROSE: Yes.

You tell her about what happened, how you’d been just fiddling with the machinery when that dead baby -- dead wiggler appeared.

KANAYA: Alright But Whats Wrong  
KANAYA: I Dont Understand Why Youre So Upset

ROSE: It’s a dead infant! It’s upsetting by nature. 

KANAYA: Wigglers Die All The Time On Alternia  
KANAYA: Is That Different On Earth

You look down.

ROSE: Maybe you were the wrong person to come to.

KANAYA: I Hope Im Not Doing Anything Wrong  
KANAYA: I Apologize If That Is The Case  
KANAYA: I Am Merely Trying To Understand As Best I Can But I Just Dont See The Problem The Way You Do

ROSE: I think I should go talk to Dave. I think it would be good to speak to another human.

KANAYA: Isnt He With Karkat Though

ROSE: Yes.  
ROSE: Dammit. Karkat said he was upset too.

Your CompuBand buzzes just then.

ROSE: Speak of the Devil and he shall appear. It’s Dave.

\-- turntechGodhead  [TG]  began pestering tentacleTherapist  [TT] \--

TG: hey rose  
TG: i know youre busy with your matefriend over there but i got a quick question  
TT: What is it?  
TG: do you have the codes for any movies  
TG: were trying to decide whether the human or troll version of fifty first dates is better  
TT: Of course.  
TG: sweet send it away  
TT: Certainly.  
TT: Hm, the only one I could find was Twilight. A shame. If the alchemization doesn’t do what you hope it will, you’ll simply have to watch that.  
TT: BADMOVIE  
TT: That’s actually the code.  
TG: honestly karkatd probably like it  
TT: Is that so?  
TT: Dave  
TG: uh yeah sup  
TT: Can I ask you something?  
TG: sure  
TG: but first id like to point out the hypocrisy of you saying that when every time i say that you tell me i just did ask you something  
TG: wiseass  
TG: but yeah shoot

You nearly ask if he’s available to talk at length, but decide to get a feel for how he's doing first.

TT: Are you doing alright?  
TT: Seriously.  
TG: i mean  
TG: i guess  
TG: bit on edge  
TG: about to watch this movie with karkat though so thatll be chill  
TG: be good to do something relaxing yknow  
TG: kinda chill out after the massive freakout i totally didnt have  
TT: You too?  
TG: wait shit what happened  
TT: Nothing you need to worry about now.  
TT: I can tell you later if you want. Go watch your movie with Karkat.  
TT: But  
TT: Would you mind not telling him I told you I’m upset? I don’t want to worry him unnecessarily.  
TG: weird but okay  
TT: Oh please, we both know you probably would have let it slip if I hadn’t mentioned it.  
TG: thats fair  
TG: so youre sure youre good then  
TT: Yes.  
TT: Enjoy your movie.

\-- tentacleTherapist  [TT]  has ceased pestering turntechGodhead  [TG]  \--

KANAYA: What Did He Want

ROSE: The captchalogue code for a movie he plans to watch with Karkat.

You sit in awkward silence for a moment. It is difficult to make a serious decision when sitting in the lap of a beautiful troll girl, but you’re trying to decide whether your issues are really important enough to bother Dave with. On one hand, Kanaya does not possess the perspective you do. What seems to you like an obvious and horrifying tragedy is to her commonplace, and you’re simply not sure you can surmount the cultural gap you’d need to in order to hold any kind of coherent discussion.

On the other hand, you’re not sure exactly what happened, but if he admitted to having a massive freakout, something is clearly very wrong. He’s with Karkat, from whom he seems to draw significant comfort, but he’s obviously not firing on all cylinders. Describing himself as on edge is likely to translate to severely shaken, and you don’t want to bother him if he’s already upset.

You suppose you’ll try to hash it out with Kanaya, then. Perhaps you’ll be able to explain yourself well enough for her to understand how you feel.

ROSE: On Earth,  
ROSE: Well,  
ROSE: Hm.

You take a deep breath and start again.

ROSE: Humans are mammals. We have one child at a time, usually, and we raise the child all the way until adulthood, usually in bonded pairs.  
ROSE: These bonded pairs care deeply for the infant, sacrificing much to allow it to grow.  
ROSE: Therefore, on Earth, babies are deeply cared for in society. The death of a baby is seen as extremely sad and horrific, and is devastating for the parents.

KANAYA: Parents Are The Bonded Pair That Raises The Infant

ROSE: Yes.  
ROSE: Ordinarily, there are two, but I only had one, my mother. As far as I know, all four of us only had one parent, in fact, and some of us less than that.  
ROSE: For instance, I know Jade lived with her grandfather -- the father of her father, or so she thought -- until he died, and Dave’s father raised him as a brother, a fellow child of two parents, instead of a father.  
ROSE: But our situation is more complicated than most people’s.  
ROSE: The gist is that babies are very important in human society.  
ROSE: Are you beginning to see why I am so upset by the dead wiggler?

KANAYA: I Think So Yes  
KANAYA: Your Society Puts Much More Value On Wigglers Themselves Than Ours Does  
KANAYA: As A Jadeblood I Was Expected To Spend My Life In The Brooding Caverns Caring For Strong Wigglers And Culling The Weak Ones  
KANAYA: I Was Also Raised By A Virgin Mother Grub So My Connection To That Life Was Especially Strong  
KANAYA: But That Also Meant I Wasnt Supposed To Be Overly Connected To The Wigglers Themselves So I Would Be Able To Effectively Cull The Ones That I Would Deem Were Too Weak  
KANAYA: So It Is Difficult Because There Is Nothing That Truly Compares In Alternian Society  
KANAYA: Even With Lusii  
KANAYA: When My Lusus Died I Had To Remove The Matriorb From Within Her Body  
KANAYA: For You I Believe Such A Task Would Have Been Horrifying And Grotesque  
KANAYA: But For Me It Was Merely Part Of The Agreement Between My Lusus And I  
KANAYA: Does That Make Sense

ROSE: I think so, yes.  
ROSE: In Alternian society it seems you have a very strong expectation to be independent creatures.  
ROSE: On Earth, it was generally understood that humans are social creatures.  
ROSE: Of course, there were absurd societal expectations to tend with -- men, for instance, were expected to be more aloof than women, and not share their emotions so much, even at the risk of causing serious issues for themselves and others.  
ROSE: But as a whole, the ideal human life was…  
ROSE: Grow up under your parents’ roof, get married, have a few kids, and die. With a job somewhere in there.  
ROSE: It seems to me that the ideal troll life was to have this symbiotic relationship with a lusus so that it would care for you in return for you fulfilling some need, do your duty as directed by your hemocaste, fill your quadrants, and… die, I suppose.  
ROSE: I don’t have a fully three-dimensional grasp of Alternian society. Obviously.

KANAYA: I Think You Have The Most Important Parts Down  
KANAYA: Perhaps The Only Thing I Would Add Would Be To Serve The Empire In Every Way You Can

ROSE: There’s another difference. Humans didn’t have one single dictator that ruled over the entire species. We were divided into factions, nations of varying sizes.

KANAYA: The Empire Was Divided Into Factions As Well  
KANAYA: Except All Of Them Were Under The Control Of The Empress Along With Regional Government

ROSE: I suppose that only makes sense.

You look down at your hands. You’re holding your headband. Kanaya is gliding her claws through your hair, lightly scritching at and occasionally smoothing the pads of her fingers along your scalp. It feels heavenly, to be quite honest.

KANAYA: Im Sorry Something So Distressing Had To Happen  
KANAYA: And Im Sorry I Cant Fully Understand

You smile slightly. You neglected to reapply your lipstick when you were changing earlier, and your lips are becoming slightly chapped.

ROSE: I appreciate the effort on your part.  
ROSE: Thank you for trying.  
ROSE: I think you probably get it pretty well, actually.  
ROSE: Perhaps not enough to fully empathize, but enough for sympathy and comfort.

Her hands still, coming to rest near your ears, cradling your head. You close your eyes. She presses her lips to your forehead, through your bangs.

(You remember your mother doing this, a few times. You had, obviously, in protest at getting lipstick in your hair, smeared your six-year-old lips in the darkest lipstick you could find in her makeup bag and planted a wet one right on her cheek. That had been the start of your foray into the world of makeup, actually, since your mother’s next step had been to purchase you some makeup of your own. You’d continued using hers, as was only natural.)

You open your eyes and tilt your head up to kiss her on the mouth, dispelling any thoughts of your mother. She makes a startled little gasp and locks her lips into a comfortable sort of position with yours. You can feel the front edge of her slim fangs on your bottom lip.

Alternian lipstick, you’ve discovered, lacks the waxy taste of Earth lipstick. It tastes sweeter, almost a bit fruity, with an almost sour tang. You taste it when you run your tongue along the lip held captive between your own. Kanaya parts her lips, and you trace over a fang with the tip of your tongue.

Her tongue is rougher than yours, and longer. You’ll privately admit to having some… less than pure thoughts about its capabilities. Her top lip is firmer than yours, her bottom lip nearly nonexistent to allow her fangs to peek out.

You bring her hands to the scaly, ridged skin of her neck. It’s dry like a reptile’s, but instead of small scales her neck is covered in ridges of carapace like a striped collar.

She curls one hand around the small of your back and nips your lip with the tip of a fang, softly enough not to puncture the delicate skin. If asked, you’d never tell, but you let out a small, high-pitched gasp and strengthen your grip around the back of her neck, pulling yourself closer.

Eventually, you break apart. You rest your head on her shoulder.

KANAYA: Would You Like To Read Something Together

Her voice is soft, sort of low and gravelly like it tends to be in the early morning or late evening.

You smile.

ROSE: That sounds lovely.

You end up with her reading to you in its original Alternian a quadrant romance novel. Understanding spoken Alternian and written Alternian are two very different endeavors, so you’ve started with the first one. While you’re far from understanding every word Kanaya says, you can get the gist of the plot, and she stops after every chapter and explains the subtleties as best she can in English anyway.

Listening to her speak Alternian is fascinating. When you’d first heard the language, it had sounded like a senseless pattern of clicks and growls, but over time it has begun organizing itself in your mind into something understandable. You’ve come to appreciate it, although you still haven’t grasped the subtlest of nuances quite yet.

You actually end up finishing the book together. Her hair is getting long, so you attempt to braid the longer section as best you can for the last few chapters and she nearly stabs you through the chest with a horn when you pull too tight.

It’s nice.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feedback is welcome, as always, and you can comment here or hit me up on my [tumblr](http://shitstuck.tumblr.com) anytime!
> 
> EDIT: I found a continuity error so I edited the last chapter slightly to fix it -- in chapter one, Karkat references knowing that humans are mammals, but in the original version of this chapter, he was surprised when Rose brought it up. All that's changed is that Karkat has always, in the timeline of this fic, known that the humans are mammals. (He doesn't like to think about that too much because it evokes memories of Equius's equine... artworks, which is just an unfortunate train of thought to follow.)
> 
> You don't need to go back and reread the last chapter if you read the original version; it's a pretty minor change.


	7. Dave

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shit gets *intense*. That's legitimately the best summary I could come up with.
> 
> There are lots of warnings here, so I'll go by section (of which there are three, separated by ##):
> 
> In the first section: minor allusions to Dave's abuse, injury
> 
> In the second section (by far the shortest section): near death experiences, temporary loss of heartbeat, mild weird bone grindy stuff that I don't know how to describe but it's like one phrase and then it's not mentioned again
> 
> In the third section: lots of vomiting, blood in said vomit, and after that it's pretty chill until after Dave starts talking out loud again and then there's some teeth that fall out.
> 
> You may notice that I've changed the rating and site warning -- I explain in more detail in the end notes, but suffice it to say I think this story warrants both of those ratings, especially with the addition of this chapter.

Days pass. Your arm turns, and then your shoulder, which actually completely dislocates when the ball bone has changed but not the socket. You can't pop it back into place, either, so you kneel against the wall of Can Town for two and a half hours until the socket bone has fully changed and you can pop it back in.

It’s agony, but you guess it’s not that bad. You’ve suffered worse.

When you finally pop it back in, Karkat is there, watching in concern and apprehension as you sweat and struggle and try not to grind the bones against each other too much.

He holds you when you’re finished, gasping for breath and so relieved. A few tears have collected in the rim of your shades.

KARKAT: ARE YOU OKAY?

DAVE: gotta say ive been better  
DAVE: but yeah im alright

You’ve been through worse than having a dislocated arm for a couple hours. Of course, then the change starts hitting organs.

It hits your left lung first. You’re in bed, not sleeping, when suddenly there's a stabbing pain up by your shoulder. You can't hold back a scream, and then immediately pester the first contact in your shades, not caring who it is.

\-- turntechGodhead [TG]  began pestering gallowsCalibrator [GC] \--

TG: hejo  
TG: fuck fuck duxh hekl  
TG: GOD HEKO MR  
TG: FUCG PKTEASE  
GC: D4V3  
GC: D4V3 4NSW3R M3  
TG: ghhh  
GC: D4V3!  
GC: WH3R3 4R3 YOU  
TG: mt riim  
TG: fugc it HURETS  
GC: 1M COM1NG

\-- gallowsCalibrator  [GC]  has ceased trolling turntechGodhead [TG] \--

It feels like years and like no time at all has passed when Terezi barges into your room with a jarring slam, but it’s been just over a minute and a half.

TEREZI: WH4T 1S 1T

DAVE: my SHOULDER

Talking makes the pain exponentially worse, and every choked gasp and groan sends fresh waves of pain through your body.

TEREZI: 1 THOUGHT TH4T W4S OV3R  
TEREZI: YOU POPP3D 1T B4CK 1N W1TH K4RK4T L4ST D4Y

You can’t speak anymore. You can’t deal with that. You just shake your head. You have no idea where your shades are but _God_ you are so beyond caring right now.

TEREZI: 1M GO1NG TO TOUCH IT

You grit your teeth and nod.

TEREZI: T4K3 OFF YOUR SH1RT 4ND SHOW M3 WH3R3 TH3 L1N3 1S

You do your best, but lifting your troll arm sends a knife into the meat under your ribs. Eventually, she just slices your shirts off with her sword.

(Perks of ascending to the god tier -- your dreamself had a flat chest.)

TEREZI: 1T MUST H4V3 R34CH3D YOUR 4TMOSPH3R3 4SP1R4TOR

Your _what??_

TEREZI: YOUR BR34TH1NG 4PP4R4TUS

Your lungs? Must be.

TEREZI: TH3 ONLY TH1NG TO DO 1S W41T 1T OUT

DAVE: *WHAT*

TEREZI: 1M SORRY! TH3R3S NOTH1NG 1 C4N DO  
TEREZI: TH3R3S NOTH1NG ROS3 OR K4N4Y4 COULD DO 31TH3R UNL3SS TH3Y H4V3NT TOLD M3 SOM3TH1NG  
TEREZI: 1M SORRY D4V3

You’re not proud of it, and if someone asked you, you’d lie, but you break down and cry. Every hitching sob is absolute torture. Terezi awkwardly sits on your bed and sort of hugs you.

The tears stop eventually, but, _God_ , it hurts so fucking much. You eventually migrate into lying on Terezi’s lap while she just awkwardly rests her hands on the bed.

She messes with her glasses a bit, once or twice taking them off her face and licking them. Vriska stops by, lurching in the open doorway with a grin on her face that stops short when she actually sees what a mess you are.

VRISKA: Shit, you weren't kidding.  
VRISKA: Is........  
VRISKA: Are you going to 8e okay?

You don't speak, just tilt your head a bit.

VRISKA: (Is he going to 8e okay?)

TEREZI: HON3STLY 1T COULD K1ND OF GO 31TH3R W4Y  
TEREZI: OBV1OUSLY H1S 4TMOSPH3R3 4SP1R4TORS DONT QU1T3 4L1GN W1TH OURS  
TEREZI: WHO KNOWS WH4T TH3 R3ST OF H1S BODY LOOKS L1K3 ON TH3 1NS1D3

Vriska looks taken aback.

VRISKA: 8ut........ he’s a godtier, r8? So he’d just respawn, wouldn't he?

TEREZI: 1 M34N  
TEREZI: TH3OR3T1C4LLY  
TEREZI: BUT W3 DONT KNOW 3NOUGH 4BOUT TH3 PROC3SS TO S4Y FOR SUR3  
TEREZI: W3 DONT KNOW WH4T H1S MOST R3C3NT S4V3 PO1NT 1S SO TO SP34K  
TEREZI: H3 COULD R3SP4WN 4S 4 FULL-BOD13D TROLL  
TEREZI: OR H3 COULD B3 FULLY HUM4N 4G41N  
TEREZI: OR H3 COULD COM3 B4CK JUST L1K3 TH1S 4ND TH3N WH3R3 WOULD W3 B3  
TEREZI: W3 4LSO H4V3 L1M1T3D KNOWL3DG3 4S TO WH4T 3X4CTLY CONST1TUT3S 4 JUST OR H3RO1C D34TH  
TEREZI: 1F H3 D13S DUR1NG TH3 TR4NSFORM4T1ON W3 H4V3 NO W4Y OF PR3D1CT1NG WH3TH3R H1S D34TH WOULD B3 H3RO1C BY V1RTU3 OF 3NDUR1NG 4LL TH1S SUFF3R1NG

VRISKA: Okay, well, say he does survive. Then wh8? He’ll 8e a troll, so he’ll 8e stronger, r8?

TEREZI: 1 DOUBT 1T  
TEREZI: H3LL B3 1N 4 COMPL3T3LY N3W BODY TH4TS NOT H1S OWN  
TEREZI: L34RN1NG TH3 CONTROLS SO TO SP34K COULD T4K3 MOR3 T1M3 TH4N W3 H4V3

VRISKA: And if he’s not there for the final 8attle our odds go way down........  
VRISKA: This just 8ecame a lot more important to me.

She scoffs.

VRISKA: He should 8e thanking you for r8sing his priority level. 8ecause of you, I’m gonna funnel some luck into him to even his odds a little.  
VRISKA: And thanking me, of course!  
VRISKA: You’re welcome, Strider.

She comes the rest of the way into the room, scratches Terezi’s head, and flounces out.

Karkat peeks his head in, looking like he’s seen a ghost.

KARKAT: DAVE?  
KARKAT: TEREZI IS ALL THAT TRUE?

TEREZI: 1 WOULDNT L13 4BOUT SOM3TH1NG L1K3 TH1S  
TEREZI: 4LTHOUGH FOR TH3 R3CORD TH3 PROS3CUT1ON M41NT41NS TH4T SH3 WOULD N3V3R L13 1N COURT

He slinks in, reluctant in a way you’ve never really seen him act.

KARKAT: I ASSUME IT’S THE TROLL THING CAUSING THIS

TEREZI: 1T H1T 4N 4TMOSPH3R3 4SP1R4TOR

KARKAT: OUCH.  
KARKAT: HAVE YOU MESSAGED ROSE? SHE’LL BE PISSED IF SHE’S LEFT OUT OF THE LOOP.

TEREZI: 1 H4V3NT NO  
TEREZI: YOUR3 W3LCOM3 TO

Karkat fiddles with his device, presumably messaging Rose, as he sits down next to Terezi.

TEREZI: GOD JUST T4K3 H1M

She stands up and moves you over to Karkat’s lap in one fluid motion. You don’t even have time to protest.

KARKAT: HEY --

TEREZI: 1M SORRY 4BOUT 4LL TH1S D4V3

You give her a halfhearted, awkardly-angled thumbs-up. She walks out, closing the door behind her.

KARKAT: WHAT DOES SHE MEAN?

You start looking around for your iShades. You aren't getting back to sleep -- the pain may be a bit more bearable, but it certainly hasn't gone away, and you don't want to make it any worse by talking -- so if you're going to be having a conversation, you’ll need them.

You find them, but they’re not within your reach at the moment. Karkat grabs them for you when you point with your good arm. You put them on and wince as the pain increases.

KARKAT: YOU ALRIGHT?

\-- turntechGodhead  [TG] has begun pestering carcinoGeneticist [CG]  \--

TG: i mean my lung is fucking broken or some shit  
TG: plus like its still spreading really slowly so it gets slightly worse as time goes on

Karkat looks down towards you after he finishes reading your message.

KARKAT: IS IT OKAY IF I TOUCH YOUR HEAD? WILL THAT MAKE IT WORSE?

TG: that should be fine dude knock yourself out

He slides his fingers into your hair and starts, like, massaging your head or something. It feels fucking heavenly, honestly, even with the occasional light skim of a claw tip on your scalp. Against all odds and despite the slowly spreading pain in your chest, you fall asleep like that, with Karkat’s fingers in your hair.

##

You wake up about three hours later to a sharp pain in your chest and troll arm and even your left leg. Karkat seems to have fallen asleep sort of around your back, but he jerks awake when you hit him with your good arm.

Oh God. Your throat is _killing_ you, and you aren't positive your heart is actually beating at the moment. Would Karkat be able to do CPR? Fuck, fuck fuck fuck you don't know but it hurts and you think you’re dying and breathing isn't working.

Karkat hastily does something to his weird Alternian device and then drops it and lays you flat on the bed. You’re wheezing; you can't get enough air and nothing is moving your chest enough and everything hurts, just everything hurts. And Karkat’s hands are on your chest and it _hurts_ , and he’s practically pounding and an awful grinding noise tells you your ribs don't quite attach right anymore.

And he pounds and pounds for years and an instant, and for a while either Rose is there or you’re hallucinating, and twenty eternal minutes later your heart starts going by itself again and you pass the fuck out.

##

You barely get an hour’s rest this time.

When you wake up, it’s to powerfully vomiting all over Rose, who is sleeping on your troll side. You feel sorry for her until you retch again.

Your throat _burns_. There’s a sharp pain there too, and you almost choke for a moment before you puke on the floor this time.

Rose has woken up, which is both a blessing and a curse. She shrieks at the sight of her absolutely destroyed Seer robes, but cuts it off when you nearly tip over the edge of your bed retching.

You think there’s blood in it. Fantastic.

You stop puking before too long, which is lucky, but the sick feeling and awful taste linger. Not to mention the burning pain in your abdomen and neck.

Rose leaves to shower and change. You apologize for barfing on her. Karkat comes in when she leaves with a mop and a bucket, holding the latter as far away from his body as possible.

(Right, the bucket thing. That was a thing.)

You do your best to help clean up all the mess, but the pain in your chest is on the right side now, and just breathing hurts, so “your best” ends up meaning you sit on the bed and don’t get in his way.

KARKAT: RIGHT. YOU’RE NOT REALLY IN ANY CONDITION TO BE ANYWHERE BUT YOUR ROOM BUT YOU CAN’T STAY HERE. IT NEEDS TO AIR OUT.

You still talk to him using your shades. From an outside perspective it almost certainly sounds like he’s talking to himself.

TG: would the common room work

KARKAT: WHAT IF YOU START THROWING UP AGAIN? BESIDES, YOU’RE IN PAIN AND YOU OBVIOUSLY DON’T WANT TO BE IN FRONT OF MORE THAN A FEW PEOPLE AT ONCE.  
KARKAT: I’LL MOVE YOU TO MY ROOM FOR A FEW DAYS.

TG: are you sure  
TG: like you said if i just throw up again itll be all over your room

KARKAT: BETTER MY ROOM THAN THE COMMON ROOM IN FRONT OF EVERYONE.

You shrug.

TG: whatever you say

So you go to his room. Walking isn’t great so you’re about to give up and fly when Karkat puts your troll arm around his shoulders and helps you. You hover slightly anyway.

You’re… not wearing a shirt. Terezi cut it off of you… yesterday? Was that yesterday? Terezi cut your shirt off a while ago and you haven’t put it back on because you’ve been dying or throwing up or asleep ever since. You completely forgot about that and now your naked torso is pressing against Karkat’s fuzzy sweater.

You only have one nipple.

(It’s not on the Karkat side.)

(Why are you thinking about this _holy shit_.)

You honestly don’t think Karkat has noticed. He’s just casually walking and casually sliding his arm around your waist and nope he’s noticed now.

KARKAT: DAVE.

TG: yes karkat

KARKAT: DAVE WHY AREN’T YOU WEARING A SHIRT?

TG: terezi cut it off when my chest started hurting so she could see what was going on  
TG: i never put it back on because i was busy

KARKAT: WHY DIDN’T YOU PUT IT BACK ON WHEN YOU WEREN’T BUSY ANYMORE?

TG: i forgot i guess

KARKAT: HOW DO YOU *FORGET* YOU’RE NOT WEARING A SHIRT?

TG: easy you fill your mind with other things  
TG: for instance  
TG: dying  
TG: puking a lot  
TG: being asleep  
TG: turning into a different species  
TG: just to name a few

KARKAT: FAIR ENOUGH, I GUESS.  
KARKAT: WE’RE ALMOST TO MY ROOM, YOU MAY AS WELL JUST BORROW ONE OF MY SHIRTS.

TG: its not gonna fit but okay

KARKAT: IT’LL FIT FINE! YOU’RE TALL AND I’M WIDE SO IT’LL BALANCE OUT AND FIT FINE.  
KARKAT: IT MIGHT BE A LITTLE LOOSE, I GUESS.

TG: whatever ill wear your itchy sweater

KARKAT: MY SWEATERS AREN’T ITCHY! THEY ARE SOFT AND COMFORTABLE, AND FUCK YOU!

TG: whatever you say  
TG: ugh im gonna go to sleep when we get to your room

KARKAT: YOU’VE BEEN SLEEPING A LOT, THOUGH.

TG: yeah but ive also had my heart stop for like half an hour and thrown up a bunch  
TG: im just really fucking tired

KARKAT: OKAY.  
KARKAT: WE’RE HERE.

Karkat’s room is pretty dark, just like every room on the meteor. There’s a bed in one corner, a pile of books and movies in another, and a table with his weird buggy computer in a third.

TG: k im passin out  
TG: yeet

You shoot him a peace sign and flop onto the bed.

KARKAT: HOLD YOUR HOOFBEASTS, I NEED TO GIVE YOU A SHIRT.

He rummages through the pile.

Your chest looks weird, to say the least. The gray skin radiates out from your shoulder in a blurry-looking circle. You have, as you discovered earlier, one nipple. The troll side is just smooth skin.

Karkat gives you a sweater that looks just like the one he’s wearing. You start laughing and strongly regret it, but you just can’t get the image of his closet being filled with fifteen sweaters, all exactly the same. It’s just the funniest thing right now, and maybe it’s kind of stupid, and laughing really hurts so you’re kind of also crying, but Jesus, that’s funny.

KARKAT: WHAT’S SO FUNNY?

TG: do you  
TG: how many of those do you fucking have

KARKAT: SEVEN OR EIGHT. WHY?

TG: oh my god

KARKAT: STOP LAUGHING, YOU’RE GOING TO HURT YOURSELF.  
KARKAT: I DON’T GET IT. WHAT’S FUNNY?

TG: youre like fucking spongebob

KARKAT: WHAT THE FUCK?  
KARKAT: IN WHAT WAY AM I LIKE FUCKING SPONGEBOB?

TG: i cant take this you wear the same fucking thing every day oh my god

KARKAT: SO?

TG: i cant even explain why its so funny but god it so fucking is

He grumbles and shakes his head, coming over to help you put on the shirt. You get it over the troll arm with minimal struggle, but your normal arm is a bit more of a challenge. You manage to get it on eventually, and then Karkat sits down in front of his big buggy computer.

Is it okay for you to use his blankets and everything? You assume so. That doesn't stop you from glancing up every few seconds as you’re pulling them up, but he keeps looking steadfastly at his computer. You also hook your shades over the bedpost before you start trying to sleep.

_Holy Jesus fuck is it awkward._

You’re tired as fuck, but he’s just silent and it's really unnerving, and the dead quiet is honestly kind of raising your hackles.

You put your shades back on and message him in hopes that he’ll break the silence, or at least take your mind off it.

TG: hey karkat  
TG: karkat  
TG: im bored  
TG: kaaaaarkat  
CG: OH MY GOD. SHUT THE FUCK UP.  
CG: WHAT DO YOU WANT?  
TG: i dunno attention  
TG: im bored and im like tired and all but im also kind of weirdly antsy  
CG: I CAN TELL.  
CG: WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME, THEN?  
TG: man i dont know  
TG: whatever

What you actually want is for him to come over and touch your hair like he was doing earlier, before you started throwing up.

KARKAT: YOUR CHIN IS STARTING TO TURN.

TG: shit really

You bring your left hand up instinctively and rub the weird ridgey skin on your neck.

TG: what happens when this hits my brain

The thought gives you pause. None of you know anything about how similar or different human and troll brains are.

KARKAT: I DON’T KNOW.

TG: what if it kills me

Karkat doesn’t speak for a moment, bowing his head. He brings his hand up and covers his mouth.

KARKAT: I DON’T WANT TO THINK ABOUT IT.

TG: sorry

KARKAT: NO, YOU’RE FINE!  
KARKAT: JUST...  
KARKAT: I DON’T LOVE THINKING ABOUT THE POSSIBILITY OF YOU DYING. WHETHER YOU COME BACK OR NOT.  
KARKAT: THOUGH I’D OBVIOUSLY PREFER THAT YOU DID COME BACK.

It’s morbid and sad, but also kind of good to hear, you guess.

You suppose you haven’t had a lot of validation in the area of people caring whether or not you live or die, so that’s kind of nice.

TG: i guess im kind of curious what my hornsll look like

KARKAT: A BOONBUCK SAYS THEY’RE SMALLER THAN MINE.

TG: ill take that  
TG: youve gotta have the tiniest horns that are like physically possible for the species  
TG: what kinda teeth you think ill have  
TG: like fangs like kanaya or shark teeth like terezi or dog teeth like you

KARKAT: DOG TEETH? YOU MEAN BARKBEAST TEETH?  
KARKAT: I’LL HAVE YOU KNOW THAT I’VE BITTEN A BARKBEAST AND WON, SO MY TEETH ARE BETTER THAN BARKBEAST TEETH BY DEFAULT

TG: hang on okay i wanna think about my teeth but first i gotta know what the fuck thats all about  
TG: i need the full story

KARKAT: WELL. ALRIGHT.  
KARKAT: IT’S ACTUALLY NOT THAT INTERESTING. A GROUP OF WILD BARKBEASTS ATTACKED MY HIVE ONCE. CRABDAD HEADED MOST OF THEM OFF BUT ONE GOT IN.  
KARKAT: I WAS ABOUT FOUR AND A HALF SWEEPS OLD, SO NOT EXACTLY THE SICKLEKIND EXPERT I’VE BECOME SINCE THE GAME.  
KARKAT: SO WHEN IT BIT THE SICKLE OUT OF MY HAND, I DID THE FIRST THING I COULD THINK OF AND BIT ITS JUGULAR.  
KARKAT: IT WAS FAR FROM A KILLING BLOW BUT IT BOUGHT ME ENOUGH TIME FOR CRABDAD TO ARRIVE AND SAVE MY ASS.

TG: id say thats at least moderately interesting

KARKAT: EH, FOR A TROLL IT’S PRETTY STANDARD FARE.

TG: yeah but im not a troll  
TG: or at least not yet

KARKAT: I SUPPOSE THAT’S RIGHT.

Most of your chin is the dry warmth of troll skin instead of the hairier, oilier human skin of the rest of your face. You realize with a short sound of indignation that the little beard that had started growing in the last year has fallen out.

Damn, you’d liked it. It had been just one more change that had happened when you’d godtiered that had made you feel -- you could never describe it.

DAVE: oh hey talking doesn't hurt anymore  
DAVE: whoa my voice sounds all weird now though

You bet your vocal cords have changed. Your voice comes from a lower place in your chest now, but it's not any lower than it's been since it dropped a few months ago. It also has a more gravelly quality, like all the trolls’ voices do.

The bottom of your mouth is different, which is definitely a weird sensation.

DAVE: dude like the inside of my mouth is changing  
DAVE: i bet it looks fucked up come see

You open your mouth and let him look, until your gums start hurting.

DAVE: ow what the fuOW

You’re not really in a _ton_ of pain -- that was a noise of surprise. Something’s definitely pushing at your gums, like a baby teething in fast motion. And then the first tooth falls out, and you spit it into your palm, and it’s followed by the awful sensation of every one of your bottom teeth pushing their way out of your gums.

And you spit half of a mouthful of teeth into your hands.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Man, that's a cliffhanger, isn't it!
> 
> All feedback is welcome, as always, and I can be found here or on my [tumblr](http://shitstuck.tumblr.com).
> 
> I would like to quickly mention something -- I did change the rating and the big site warning for this fic. The former was because between all the infant death in the last few chapters and then... well, this whole chapter, I figured it really warranted an M at this point. As for the "creator chose not to use archive warnings," I wasn't sure how much of all this would classify as violence or how graphic would be too graphic, so I figured I'd play it safe.


	8. Karkat

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'm reading through the chapter and I just don't think there's a way for me to summarize this in one sentence, at least not without spoiling it. So I won't, and you'll have to read it to find out what it's about.
> 
> Warnings for: the barest mention of blood right in the beginning and then not again, internalized homophobia (but not in the narrator -- we just see the repercussions of one character's internalized homophobia) and a short panic attack related to said internalized homophobia and abuse (again, not the narrator's perspective, so it's mostly descriptions of body language and how Karkat calms him down).

You and Dave lock eyes and stare at each other for a moment but you can't tear your eyes away from the handful of bloody teeth for long.

DAVE: what should i do with them

KARKAT: I’M NOT SURE, BUT THAT MEANS YOUR MOUTH IS STARTING TO CHANGE, SO BEFORE TOO LONG THAT’LL HAPPEN TO YOUR TOP ROW OF TEETH TOO.

DAVE: do you have a trash can in here

KARKAT: UH, YEAH, HANG ON.

You grab him the waste receptacle and he drops the teeth in.

DAVE: i think there are new ones coming in  
DAVE: look

KARKAT: I GOTTA SAY, I’M RELUCTANT TO LOOK IN YOUR MOUTH AGAIN, WHAT WITH WHAT HAPPENED LAST TIME.

You look anyway. You can see the white tips of teeth peeking through his gums.

KARKAT: THAT’S WEIRD.  
KARKAT: BUT THEY’LL PROBABLY BE IN BEFORE TOO LONG, SO IF YOU DO END UP TOOTHLESS IT WON’T BE A BIG THING.

DAVE: its a fucking shame all my teeth just fell out  
DAVE: im hungry

KARKAT: I CAN GO GRAB YOU SOMETHING TO EAT.

DAVE: thatd be great actually  
DAVE: sure

KARKAT: ANYTHING IN PARTICULAR YOU WANT?

DAVE: better make it something we can both eat  
DAVE: and not something i have to chew obviously

KARKAT: YEAH, THAT MAKES SENSE.  
KARKAT: BE RIGHT BACK.

You head out to the common room to see what’s there that Dave could possibly eat with only half a mouthful of teeth. Only really liquids, right? Maybe something with the consistency of grubsauce.

The common room is completely empty when you get there, so you message Rose.

\-- carcinoGeneticist  [CG] has begun trolling tentacleTherapist  [TT] \--

CG: WHAT FOODS DO WE HAVE THAT HUMANS AND TROLLS CAN BOTH EAT AND DON’T NEED TO BE CHEWED AT ALL?  
TT: A strange question. Why do you need something like that?  
CG: I GUESS I MAY AS WELL TELL YOU.  
CG: DAVE’S TEETH FELL OUT.  
TT: Holy shit.  
TT: The change is really moving along.  
TT: Unpleasant as it sounds, I think it would be best for Dave to refrain from eating until his entire digestive system has transformed. We don’t know enough about the differences between our respective systems to say for sure what he’d be able to eat.  
TT: One would suppose that he could palate foods that both humans and trolls can, but his stomach is a troll stomach while his intestines are human, and since our species have different diets our digestive systems must be different at some level.  
TT: His stomach would digest the food in a different way than his intestines would expect.  
TT: When was the last time he did eat?  
CG: PROBABLY YESTERNIGHT SOMETIME.  
TT: Not ideal, but doable. He’ll have to tough it out without food. I’m sure he’ll be fine though. He can -- and should, in fact -- have water, and drinking lots of water will have the added effect of filling his stomach slightly. He won’t gain any energy from it, but it’ll help.  
CG: I DON’T LOVE THE IDEA, BUT YOU’RE PROBABLY RIGHT.  
CG: THANKS FOR YOUR HELP.  
TT: Of course.

\-- carcinoGeneticist  [CG] has ceased trolling tentacleTherapist  [TT] \--

You fill up a glass of water for Dave and head back to your room.

When you get there, there are twice as many teeth in the waste receptacle and Dave is facedown on the bed, not moving.

KARKAT: DAVE?

He doesn’t respond. Normally he’s a very light sleeper. Usually you walking into the room is enough to wake him.

You set the water down and gently shake his troll shoulder. He doesn’t move, but you see now that he’s still breathing. You roll him onto his back.

\-- carcinoGeneticist  [CG] has begun trolling tentacleTherapist  [TT] \--

CG: I GOT BACK TO THE ROOM AND DAVE’S ASLEEP AND HE WON’T WAKE UP  
TT: I’m coming.

\-- tentacleTherapist  [TT] has ceased pestering carcinoGeneticist  [CG] \--

Rose arrives a minute or two later, looking extremely rushed, with Kanaya in tow. She feels Dave’s forehead, then cradles his head in her arms. At first you can’t tell what she’s doing, but then you realize she’s sitting him up to look at his neck.

ROSE: It’s reached his brain.  
ROSE: All we can do is wait.

She lays him back down, gently removing his shades.

ROSE: Are you okay with him staying here? It’ll probably take the better part of a day for this to be done, assume he wakes up right after his brain has changed.

KARKAT: YES.

ROSE: May I stay for a while?

KARKAT: SURE. YEAH.  
KARKAT: WOULD YOU MIND LETTING THE OTHERS KNOW?

ROSE: I can do that, yes.

You lapse into awkard silence as Rose fiddles with her husktop headband.

What are you supposed to do? Just watch and wait? You’ll be the first to admit that you’re not great at waiting.

KANAYA: Youre Anxious

ROSE: Yes.

KARKAT: OBVIOUSLY.  
KARKAT: OH, SORRY.

KANAYA: I Was Talking To Both Of You  
KANAYA: Youre Obviously Terrified For Dave  
KANAYA: Ill Watch Him For Now  
KANAYA: You Two Should Go Do Something Not Related To This

ROSE: But what if --

KANAYA: I Will Take Care Of It  
KANAYA: I Know How To Do Your Human Resuscitation And What To Do If He Starts Vomiting  
KANAYA: I Am Perfectly Capable Of Watching Him And Unlike Both Of You I Will Not Grow More Anxious By The Moment While I Do So  
KANAYA: Go Watch A Movie Or Hang In Can Town Or Read A Book  
KANAYA: Dont Come Back For At Least Two Hours  
KANAYA: I Will Enforce That

KARKAT: YOU CAN’T KICK ME OUT OF MY OWN ROOM!

KANAYA: Karkat For Your Own Good I Think Youll Find I Can  
KANAYA: Go Watch A Movie Or Some Shit  
KANAYA: I Dont Care But Neither Of You Is Allowed To Be In Here And Neither Of You Is Allowed To Stew

Rose stands up and deposits a kiss on Kanaya’s cheek.

ROSE: I actually have a movie I think we can both enjoy.

KARKAT: OKAY. FINE.

You and Rose head out to the common room. She puts a human movie into the device and sits on one side of the couch, inviting you to sit.

KARKAT: WHAT ARE WE WATCHING?

ROSE: Something relevant to both of our interests.  
ROSE: A human vampire romance movie called ‘Twilight’.  
ROSE: I think it will suffice to take your mind off things.

KARKAT: SURE, WHY NOT.  
KARKAT: HOW BAD CAN IT BE?

##

You actually end up enjoying the movie quite a lot, despite Rose’s frequent comments and criticisms. At the end of the movie, you go into a long rant about how perfect they obviously are together, and Rose lifts a finger to stop you.

ROSE: I have the books.

KARKAT: THERE ARE BOOKS?

ROSE: Four of them.  
ROSE: The other three were going to be made into movies, but the world ended before that could happen.

KARKAT: I HAVE A MIGHTY NEED.

ROSE: I have some mighty tomes.  
ROSE: Why don’t we go get them right now and then go back and check on Dave?

KARKAT: SURE, SOUNDS GOOD.

Rose’s room is messier than you’re expecting, which is stupid in retrospect, because you saw her room over the monitor before she arrived. It still comes as a surprise when books, blankets, and clothes are strewn about the floor and you can only make out the bed because it’s the largest thing in the room. She roots around in a corner for a bit before picking up four huge black hardcover books.

ROSE: If you have trouble with the English, you’re welcome to come to me.

KARKAT: I’LL LET YOU KNOW, BUT I’LL PROBABLY BE OKAY.

ROSE: I hope you enjoy them.

You walk back to your room together. Dave Hasnt Moved Or Woken Up, Kanaya tells you.

You don’t go to sleep that day. Instead you stay awake, reading Rose’s books and watching Dave for any kind of sign. He doesn't wake up, doesn't so much as twitch. More of his face changes, and some of his hair starts turning black.

This makes you sad, in a weird way. His hair will be tough and stiff like troll hair, and not soft and springy like his human hair. You liked how it felt.

(No one’s in the room when you have this thought, so there’s no one to judge you when you impulsively run your hand over his hair.)

Rose comes in and takes over sitting in your husktop chair and watching Dave while you sleep in the pile. You don’t sleep for long, but his ears are stretching out into proper troll ears when you wake up, and half of his hair is black.

KARKAT: DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHEN HE’LL WAKE UP?

ROSE: Well, likely not until his whole brain has changed. If the external progress is the same as the internal progress, when all or almost all of his hair has changed.  
ROSE: Judging by the amount of time that has passed, I’d say maybe another day or half day yet.

You look down at your hands.

KARKAT: I WISH HE WOULD JUST FUCKING WAKE UP ALREADY.

ROSE: Me too.

So you settle in to wait. It’s another boring night of racing through Rose’s books and watching Dave intently. You’re nearly finished with the first novel by the time early morning hits, and you’re in the middle of a really intense section when your cursory glance at Dave catches a change.

You drop the book and rush over. The only thing that’s actually changed is his pattern of breathing, but it’s less even and a little faster, so you’re getting ready to do what Rose called CPR when his eyes flutter a little.

KARKAT: DAVE?

After what feels like an eternity, his eyes open and immediately squint. They’re not red anymore. They’re golden yellow and dark gray, like any troll before adult pupation. You’re taken aback slightly.

He coughs.

DAVE: sup

He looks so _different_ , and he sounds it too. His voice sounds more like a troll’s now, like he’s meant to be speaking Alternian, but he doesn’t speak English with the accent you and the other trolls do.

DAVE: god my mouths all weird  
DAVE: i think  
DAVE: hang on

He sits up a bit and sticks his tongue out. You can see his teeth now, looking a lot like Sollux’s probably would’ve if he hadn’t had twice as many than normal in his mouth. His tongue is longer now, thin and flat-tipped, instead of weird and thick like a human’s.

DAVE: thags fuckin weirg

KARKAT: STOP TALKING WITH YOUR TONGUE OUT, HOLY SHIT.

He directs it at you before finally putting it back in his mouth.

Christ. He’s like a fucking two-sweep-old.

KARKAT: ARE YOU FEELING ALRIGHT?

DAVE: think so  
DAVE: have i got horns yet

KARKAT: NO.  
KARKAT: ACTUALLY, I WANT TO LOOK. COME HERE.

You part his hair and start looking around where the base of his horns should be, and you find something. He cries out when you touch the first one. It’s barely as long as your touchstub is wide.

KARKAT: HA! HOLY SHIT! YOUR HORNS ARE SMALLER THAN MINE!

DAVE: what  
DAVE: there is no way thats true

He reaches up and puts his touchstubs -- his troll ones, although you suppose his other hand will be trollish pretty soon -- up to your horns. You flinch.

DAVE: thats like two and a half fingers long

He hunts through his hair for his own horns. You can see on his face the moment when he finds one, and then he frowns.

DAVE: thats only one finger  
DAVE: dammit  
DAVE: i owe you a boonbuck  
DAVE: whatever not like a boonbuck is anything more than pocket change

He still looks grumpy.

KARKAT: YOU DON’T HAVE TO GIVE ME A BOONBUCK, SHITLIPS. WHAT DO THEY EVEN DO? I DON’T KNOW AND I DON’T GIVE A FUCK.

You grin.

KARKAT: BESIDES, HORN ENVY IS A PERFECTLY NORMAL THING TO EXPERIENCE --

DAVE: shut the fuck up

KARKAT: -- ALMOST EVERY TROLL WILL EXPERIENCE IT AT SOME POINT IN THEIR LIFE --

DAVE: shut UP oh my god

He’s absolutely falling over laughing.

KARKAT: -- EVERYBODY GETS HORN ENVY EVERY NOW AND THEN, DAVE, IT’S NOTHING TO BE ASHAMED OF.

He grabs your shoulders and shoves you a bit, so of course you choose the only sensible response and wrestle him off the bed.

Eventually, you and your superior bulk and mastery of your body manage to pin him down.

_You could kiss him right now._

That sounds like the best fucking idea anyone ever had, so you try to give off all the signals you’ve read about -- you start moving closer, you look at his lips -- and finally, you close your eyes --

It feels like you’re trying to keep a hummingfeatherbeast alive together, like it’s this tiny, fluttering thing between your lips that you’re trying to keep going. You can feel his breath on your face. His lips are warmer than you thought they’d be. You realize that you have no idea what to do next. Research has suggested that you should be moving your lips, but you don’t know how or if humans do it differently. Unsure, you freeze and back away.

Dave looks dazed. He’s blushing so hard his cheeks are turning red enough that you’d be able to tell him from a rustblood across the room. But there’s a worried tilt to his eyebrows, a frightened cast to his eyes, and his breath hitches and speeds up.

KARKAT: WAS THAT OKAY -- I’M SORRY, ARE YOU --

He pushes you off suddenly and bolts to the door, but he can’t seem to get the knob. You get up as slowly as you can, keeping your hands in front of you.

He seems to give up on the doorknob and just smacks the door with his hand and slumps to the ground. At first you’re worried he’s passed out, but no, he’s shaking hard and breathing too fast.

KARKAT: DAVE?

He looks awful, frankly. You think he’s crying. You _feel_ awful.

(His tears are the same color as yours -- but maybe they’ll change when his blood changes.)

KARKAT: DAVE, I’M COMING CLOSER. IS IT OKAY IF I TOUCH YOU OR SHOULD I LEAVE YOU ALONE?

DAVE: i  
DAVE: uh  
DAVE: y-yeah

You start by just resting your hand on his shoulder. He shudders. He’s still breathing too fast.

KARKAT: BREATHE AT THE SAME TIME AS ME

You take big, deep, slow breaths, and watch as he struggles and hitches his way to matching your time.

A knock at the door, and he jumps so severely he nearly hits his head on the doorknob.

KARKAT: SHH, SHH, HEY, IT’S OKAY. IT’S PROBABLY ROSE COMING TO CHECK ON YOU.

You pull him a bit closer and rub circles on his back.

KARKAT: WE DON’T HAVE TO LET HER IN UNTIL YOU’RE READY, AND IF YOU WANT I CAN TELL HER TO COME BACK LATER.

DAVE: just  
DAVE: need a minute

KARKAT: THAT’S OKAY. I’M GONNA MESSAGE HER, JUST TO MAKE SURE SHE UNDERSTANDS.

You shoot Rose a quick message explaining that Dave’s awake but that he needs a minute, so she should wait there for a bit.

After another couple of minutes of rubbing circles into Dave’s back and maybe feeling at the stiff hairs on the back of his neck a bit, he stands up and opens the door. Rose looks immensely relieved to see him and hesitates a moment before pulling him into a hug. Dave freezes for a moment but wraps his arms around her, clearly taking extra care with his troll arm.

ROSE: I’m glad you’re awake

DAVE: uh thanks  
DAVE: sorry about that i guess

ROSE: Dave, you have no reason to be apologizing.  
ROSE: Now, I have a few things I want to check on. How far has the change progressed?

DAVE: uh well i have horns now

ROSE: Really?

DAVE: yeah but theyre really small

ROSE: Oh really.

DAVE: listen you can shut the hell your mouth i already got shit from karkat i dont need this bs from you too

ROSE: I would like to try and see how far down it’s gone, if you don't mind.

DAVE: oh yeah sure

He pulls your shirt over his head. Almost everything above the waistband of his pants is gray. There’s a thin sliver of human skin on his right hip. The gray on his arm goes most of the way down to his elbow.

DAVE: now i dont have any nipples

KARKAT: WHAT THE FUCK?  
KARKAT: WHAT ARE NIPPLES?

ROSE: Well, on human males, I'm not quite sure, but on human females they’re what we feed our very young through with milk.

KARKAT: EURGH.  
KARKAT: HEY, YOU KNOW WHAT’S WEIRD? YOU DON’T HAVE GRUBSCARS.

DAVE: grub what

KARKAT: GRUBSCARS.  
KARKAT: THOUGH I SUPPOSE THAT MAKES SENSE, SINCE YOU NEVER HAD LEGS TO LOSE DURING PUPATION.

ROSE: Grubscars are what remains after you lose the vestigial third and fourth limbs during your first pupation, then?

KARKAT: YES.

ROSE: It’s interesting that he lacks them. This means that instead of transforming from someone who grew up and lived as a human to someone who grew up and lived as a troll, but from someone who grew up and lived as a human to what is essentially a newborn that happens to be Dave.  
ROSE: That makes me wonder…  
ROSE: Yes, he lacks a navel but still possesses his scars from before he transformed. That’s fascinating.

Dave shifts, looking uncomfortable.

DAVE: so what

ROSE: So it means that you’re starting out in a brand-new troll body, but that the scar tissue in your human body translated into troll scar tissue.  
ROSE: Which doesn't exactly bring us closer to understanding how to fix this. But it’s most likely the reason you’re even capable of functioning right now.  
ROSE: The scars mean that your skin tissue, and we can infer, your brain tissue is still calibrated to be Dave, as it were.  
ROSE: It’s not helpful information, really, but it’s interesting.  
ROSE: It’s also not as if we could do anything about it even if it wasn’t that way.

DAVE: cool cool can i put my shirt back on now  
DAVE: well its not technically *my* shirt but whatever

ROSE: Yes, of course.

When Dave’s putting your shirt back on, you notice the stark white contrast of a forest of scars on his gray skin and wonder, not for the first time, what happened to put them there.

You know some about his life. Not a lot, but some. You know he had his lusus, and you know his lusus was pretty shitty, even by troll standards. You don’t know how many of the stark white lines are from the game or if his hive was in a dangerous place or if his lusus really did make almost all of them, like he’s sort of implied once or twice.

ROSE: I’m going to step out now and I think have a cup of coffee. Have a nice…  
ROSE: Have a nice time, I suppose. I’ve lost track of whether it’s day or night, and the fact that the trolls use “night” when we use “day” is not helping.

DAVE: yeah times kinda bullshit out here anyway  
DAVE: see you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So real quick, in re the troll horns: judging by the wildly varied shape alone, they aren't functional as fighting horns. The only purposes I see for them is as an intimidation tactic and/or as some sort of sensory organ. Since moth's antennae are olfactory organs, and since Terezi "sees" by smelling, I figured it would make sense if trolls had a more developed sense of smell. This means having anything (except hair, which they're sort of desensitized to) in close proximity is pretty overwhelming, and that's why the boys are reacting when their horns are touched.
> 
> This is actually sort of an experimental headcanon for me -- I'm trying it on, so to speak, since my sort of default headcanon is that they're just regular horns and any pale horn-touching comes from, like, massaging the bases at most. But I've always liked the idea of troll horns as sensory organs -- infrared like snakes have, or ultraviolet like butterflies were my next couple options, as well as some sort of balance thing.
> 
> As always, thank you so much for reading. All feedback is welcome, and you can reach me by commenting here or at my [tumblr](http://shitstuck.tumblr.com) any time!


	9. Rose

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I fixed it! I do recommend that you either reread the chapter if you've already read it, or if you don't have time I put the changes in the description at the end.
> 
> A problem, an argument, and a big mistake.
> 
> Warnings for discussions of dysphoria in that first conversation, a lot of alcohol in the second half, and a really quick mention of vomit right at the end.
> 
> I do want to note really quick that I've never been drunk because I'm under the drinking age and I'm lame, so if that section seems wonky, that's why.

It’s an excruciating few days for a while there, but when Dave wakes up, he seems to have finally taken a turn for the better. He messages you later with a concern, but thankfully nothing else serious has gone wrong, and you’re hoping that he’s reached the point where nothing else serious will go wrong.

\-- turntechGodhead  [TG]  has begun pestering tentacleTherapist  [TT] \--

TG: hey rose  
TT: What is it, brother?  
TG: i have a problem  
TG: and i dont want to talk to karkat about it because i dont think hed understand as well as you would  
TT: In that case, I’m glad you came to me. What do you need?  
TG: well  
TG: i guess its more something i just want to talk about  
TT: My ears are wide open. Their gaping maw awaits your troubles.  
TG: please never say anything like that ever again  
TG: anyway  
TG: you know how im trans  
TT: I’m familiar with the concept, yes.  
TG: shut up its related to that  
TG: you know how when we went godtier my body was fixed  
TG: like  
TG: dick wise  
TT: Little that I enjoyed that conversation, yes, I recall.  
TG: right  
TG: and you know how im like turning into a troll and trolls got whatever going on down there  
TT: Dave. It’ll be over faster if you just say it.  
TG: i woke up this morning and all my shit was gone  
TG: im like a fucking ken doll except with a vagina  
TT: Oh.  
TT: I’m sorry to hear that.  
TG: ya it fucking sucks and i feel weird talking to karkat about it  
TG: first of all i dont know how much he knows about like my status gender wise  
TG: but second of all i just dont think hed get why its such a big deal to me even with that context  
TG: you know  
TG: theyve all got the same bits  
TG: i did try to talk to him about it for a second when it first happened  
TG: but he was just like so what  
TG: i may have reacted badly  
TT: Do you want me to come find you?  
TG: no im fine  
TG: karkats probably a little upset but ill talk to him later  
TG: ive calmed down a bit anyway  
TG: i just  
TG: you know its been really fucking shitty before this  
TG: i almost fucking died a few times  
TG: but this is the worst ive felt about it yet  
TG: god i was so excited!  
TG: i was so fucking pumped that my body was finally the way it was supposed to be  
TG: and now thats all gone  
TT: I’m so sorry, Dave.  
TT: I can only imagine how that feels.  
TT: I’m going to fix this for you. I promise, you won’t have to deal with this for much longer.  
TG: rose  
TG: thanks but  
TG: if you cant do it i understand  
TG: im just venting you dont have to do anything about it  
TT: Dave, I’ve been working on this the whole time. I haven’t just started trying to fix this now.  
TT: I’ll be fine.  
TG: okay whatever you say  
TG: oh yeah and my horns got longer  
TG: theyre about the same as karkats now but longer and hes losing his shit  
TT: Is that so.  
TT: Are the tops of your horns the same as regular troll horns? Are they darker than Karkat’s horns?  
TG: they are darker yeah  
TG: theyre flatter on top than karkats too but he says that my horns could just be flat on top  
TG: he also says some trolls just have darker horns than others  
TT: So it sounds like they’re still growing, but that they could stop at any point. Are they solid in color or do they have the gradient from dark to light that the trolls’ horns do?  
TG: theyre pretty much just one color  
TG: maybe a little lighter near the top  
TT: I think they’ll get quite a bit bigger, then. Perhaps twice the size they are now at least.  
TT: Where on your head are they?  
TG: near the front  
TG: they were under my bangs at first but now that theyre longer the hair goes around them  
TT: Is this the same place as Karkat’s or is it farther forwards?  
TG: its pretty close but mine tilt forward more  
TT: Interesting.  
TT: I’m curious to know what shape they’ll be.  
TG: me too  
TG: im gonna go then i guess  
TT: Of course. See you later. Message me if you need something.

\-- turntechGodhead  [TG]  has ceased pestering tentacleTherapist  [TT] \--

So. Nothing life-threatening anymore, if not no more serious issues. But you have faith in Dave’s ability to bounce back, from this at least.

You’re in The Lab, of course. Vriska is with you, and the pair of you are essentially pressing buttons until something happens to try and do anything at all. Even with her enhancing the odds of stumbling upon a solution, nothing is working.

VRISKA: Lalonde, this is 8ooooooooring.  
VRISKA: It’s clearly not working. We’re going to have to try something else, 8ecause nothing is happening no matter what we do.

ROSE: Just a little longer. I’m sure we’ll find something soon.

VRISKA: Rose. We’ve pressed every 8utton in this la8. There’s nothing else to try.

ROSE: No, there must be something.

VRISKA: There isn’t! This is never going to work! There is no magic solution here and all the luck in the world o8viously isn’t doing shit to make one!  
VRISKA: It’s time to give up and try something else.

ROSE: What, then?

You know you sound desperate. You are desperate. You just need there to be some way to fix Dave, any way at all.

VRISKA: I don’t know.  
VRISKA: I talked to Terezi a few days ago. She said it was possi8le that if Dave died, he would come 8ack human.  
VRISKA: 8ut it was also possi8le that he’d come 8ack the way he is now, or as a full-8ody troll.  
VRISKA: It might 8e worth the risk.

ROSE: So you’re suggesting we kill him?  
ROSE: You’re suggesting one of us kill Dave, and then we just hope for the slim chance he comes back right?  
ROSE: I won’t risk my brother’s life! I’d rather have him alive and a troll than dead!

VRISKA: I don’t know wh8 your human rel8tionship has to do with this 8ut if you don’t try that, he could very well end up a troll and dead!  
VRISKA: We could aaaaaaaall end up dead!  
VRISKA: Is th8 wh8 you want, Lalonde? For this whole timeline to die 8ecause you couldn’t stomach killing one person to save us all?

ROSE: Aren’t you the one who keeps going on about how he’s one of our most important fighters? About how crucial he’ll be in the final battle? Why would you risk that?

VRISKA: If he doesn’t switch 8ack somehow, we’re all gonna die anyway no matter wh8! 8ut if we can fix him in time for the final 8attle, we might very well m8ke it out of this alive!  
VRISKA: I don’t even need you to agree with me. I just need to get in one lucky shot.

ROSE: You wouldn’t dare.

You draw the Thorns and widen your stance.

VRISKA: Wh8, gonna kill me?

ROSE: If you hurt Dave, I very well might.

She throws her head back and laughs.

VRISKA: Well, isn’t that rich!!!!!!!!  
VRISKA: Missy “So concerned a8out her 8rother that she refuses to kill him to save us all” is threatening to kill me!  
VRISKA: Listen, human, if you’re so concerned a8out Dave’s life, then keeping me alive should 8e just as important to you as keeping him alive.  
VRISKA: First of all, you wouldn’t 8e a8le to kill me anyway. I’m a god!!!!!!!!

ROSE: I think your death would certainly classify as Just.

VRISKA: For a couple threats? I dou8t it.  
VRISKA: 8ut let’s just say for now that it does work. Where does that leave you?  
VRISKA: You know Terezi would 8e furious. May8e even mad enough for revenge.  
VRISKA: Or JUST1C3, as she’d put it.  
VRISKA: And even if she doesn’t kill you, the timeline is fucked 8eyond all hope.  
VRISKA: R8 now our only hope of saving the timeline is getting Dave 8ack to human, and our only real hope for doing that is killing him and hoping we get lucky.  
VRISKA: Otherwise, we’re all fucked, including him.  
VRISKA: Hahahahahahahaha!  
VRISKA: You know wh8 I just realized?  
VRISKA: I pro8a8ly wouldn’t even have to do any work!  
VRISKA: All it would take is just convincing Dave the only chance for all of us is if he dies and comes 8ack, and he’d do it himself!  
VRISKA: Knights. They’re stupid, 8ut they’re relia8le.

\-- tentacleTherapist  [TT]  has begun pestering turntechGodhead [TG]  \--

TT: Block Vriska on Pesterchum. Right now.  
TG: i mean okay  
TG: they could get past that when we were on earth though  
TG: why anyway  
TT: I’ll tell you later. I need you to trust me right now.  
TT: Don’t talk to her, don’t let her into your room.

\-- tentacleTherapist  [TT]  has ceased pestering turntechGodhead [TG]  \--

VRISKA: I’m not stupid, I know you just had him 8lock me.  
VRISKA: 8ut I actually want to live, clearly unlike soooooooome people.  
VRISKA: Let me know when you decide you want us all to live too.  
VRISKA: It’s not just your life at st8ke here, you know. Some of us have plans.

She walks out, flipping her hair as she passes you.

God, what a 8itch.

##

You spend ages thinking, worrying about Vriska and Dave, and Terezi, since Vriska no doubt went off to talk to her.

Frankly, you don’t know what to do.

Your immediate instinct was to reject the notion of killing Dave, no matter whose life it saves. The risks were too great, you thought. Besides, you know he’s died and interacted with is own corpse many more times than you have, and your handful of deaths were certainly unpleasant enough as they were. You don’t want him to go through that again, ideally ever.

But now time has passed. You’ve calmed down, you’ve had a chance to think. And now you’re wondering if Vriska wasn’t right.

The death of the timeline will result in the death of everyone in it, obviously. That includes Dave, and is clearly true. What you, Terezi, and Vriska have deduced and planned for shows that everyone needs to be present for the final battle against Lord English. That’s also true.

And it is possible that Dave will be human again if he kills himself. But you can't see whether or not it’ll work, and from what you’ve heard, Terezi can’t either.

You just don't want to hold his life at stake for such a slim chance.

_God_ , you wish you didn't have to think about this right now.

You stew for another moment. And then you remember the liquor your mother stored in the house, and how you, on a captchaloguing frenzy in a dreambubble took one bottle on a whim.

You find it. You write down the code so you can recreate it.

You sit down in The Lab alone, and you drink.

It tastes awful at first, and you nearly spit out the first mouthful. It burns on the way down, like you’ve just swallowed a bitter candle, but once it’s down it stays that way. You don’t feel any different, and so you take another drink, and then another, and even though it tastes no less awful than the first swallow it somehow becomes more bearable.

You don’t feel any different at first, so you frown and keep drinking. (You don’t realize your mistake here until much later.) Before long, you think you are probably in a state that could be considered “buzzed.” That sounds like a good word for it. Focusing on things is more difficult. You read the label of the bottle as a test and find it embarrassingly difficult. For some reason, this sounds hilarious. You should message someone to tell them how funny it is! And thinking back about the things you were avoiding, about how Vriska was going to kill Dave, or get him to kill himself -- it seems absurd in a way you just can’t put your finger on.

You should _definitely_ message someone right now. You should message Kanaya -- she has a funny sense of humor and she’s so pretty. You want to hang out with her and kiss her. Now _there’s_ an idea. You put on your CompuBand and select her from your chumroll.

\-- tentacleTherapist  [TT]  has begun pestering gallowsCalibrator [GC]  \--

TT: Helloo Knayaa  
TT: I want to tealll you somethign~  
TT: Firsht of all,, your’e SO pretty.  
TT: GGod  
TT: Like, your shuolders.. You colud pick me up antyime  
TT: Andewyay, I was thingking about soemthing that hapeond earlier, and you kjdow?  
TT: I was really upsset, but now ai think maytbe she had a p oitn, you knwo?  
TT: OR it just odestnt really matter,d ows it<?  
TT: I mean, what st hefucking point/  
TT: Its a GGME, ITs not supposed to matter[  
TT: Maybe wehn we die int eh game we DONT die in real life, has anyoene condsitierered that? Mabye it doestn matter.  
TT: Maybe its all stupid anyway  
TT: SO amybe we should kill dAve, if it doestt matter anywya,.  
TT: Mabyee he’sl just wake up! Adn be fine!  
TT: maYbe I;ll jsut Let vriska kill hinm, and it;’l work out lTer  
TT: Aneyway., you shoudl come here! We can hgang out.  
TT: I have drinks  
TT: I;m in thE Lab  
TT: <u.THe Lab<?u>  
TT: Fuck. You knoe the one.  
GC: ROS3 WH4T TH3 FUCK  
TT: Wait a seoncd…….  
TT: Youre not Knayaya  
GC: ROS3 4R3 YOU OK4Y  
TT: What d oy ou mean? I”m fiiine :_)  
GC: YOUR3 TYP1NG STR4NG3LY 4ND WH4T YOUR3 S4Y1NG DO3SNT M4K3 S3NS3  
GC: 4R3 YOU H1GH  
TT: Noooooo.l…  
GC: SOM3TH1NGS UP FOR SUR3 THOUGH  
GC: H4V3 YOU T4K3N 4NY M1ND 4LT3R1NG SUBST4NC3S  
TT: (Hee hee!)  
TT: Mabye a little…  
GC: OK4Y  
GC: 1M GO1NG TO S3ND K4RK4T TO COM3 G3T YOU  
TT: But i want otsee kNayaa  
GC: YOUR3 CL34RLY 1NTOX1C4T3D 1N SOM3 W4Y  
GC: 1M DO1NG TH1S FOR YOUR B3N3F1T SO YOU DONT 3MB4RR4SS YOURS3LF  
TT: :;(  
GC: 1D COM3 G3T YOU MYS3LF BUT YOU 1NT3RRUPT3D SOM3TH1NG 1MPORT4NT  
TT: Oohhh,, what is it?  
GC: TH4TS NON3 OF YOUR BUS1N3SS L4LOND3  
GC: K4RK4T W1LL B3 TH3R3 SOON  
GC: 1 DONT KNOW 1F H3LL BR1NG D4V3 OR NOT  
GC: 1 SUPPOS3 1T D3P3NDS ON HOW W3LL H3 C4N W4LK R1GHT NOW  
GC: BUT YOU SHOULD TRY TO G3T R34DY TO F4C3 TH3M  
GC: 1LL S33 YOU L4T3R  
TT: Youre leaving ?  
GC: L1K3 1 S41D  
GC: YOU 1NT3RRUPT3D SOM3TH1NG 1MPORT4NT  
GC: BY3 ROS3

\-- gallowsCalibrator  [GC]  has begun pestering tentacleTherapist [TT]  \--

It doesn’t feel like long before Karkat barges in and Dave shuffles in behind him.

KARKAT: ROSE WHAT THE FUCK HAVE YOU DONE NOW

ROSE: Iss just a little… hair of the dog

DAVE: shell be fine karkat  
DAVE: take that bottle away from her and shell be okay in a while

KARKAT: WHAT IS IT?

DAVE: booze  
DAVE: alcohol  
DAVE: its a drug  
DAVE: it temporarily alters your brain  
DAVE: it can make people angry or it can make them sad or it can make them happy  
DAVE: sometimes it makes them all three

KARKAT: SO THIS IS TEMPORARY?

DAVE: yeah

ROSE: For yuor infromashion, I am perfeckly cohearnent.

DAVE: sure you are rose

ROSE: Hey, Dabe,  
ROSE: Daeve

DAVE: what is it

ROSE: I jusht thought of this.  
ROSE: Your’e like. A troll now.  
ROSE: An you're a godtier.  
ROSE: So how come you don't have wings?

He frowns and looks at Karkat.

DAVE: i never thought of that  
DAVE: i dont know

ROSE: I maen, Vrissshka --  
ROSE: You can't see her wings. But she has them.

DAVE: maybe i just dont know how to make them show up  
DAVE: huh

KARKAT: MAYBE YOU DON’T HAVE THEM BECAUSE YOU WEREN’T A TROLL WHEN YOU ASCENDED?

DAVE: i guess but then i wouldnt have my other godtier stuff  
DAVE: but the pjs are still magically fresh and i can still fly

ROSE: Hey shpeaking of Vrishka,  
ROSE: She --  
ROSE: Oop! I can't tell you.

DAVE: what is it

ROSE: I can't tell you!  
ROSE: I can whishper it into Karkakat’s ear.  
ROSE: But you need to PROMISE not to tell Dave.  
ROSE: Promishe!

Karkat hesitates, but he nods. You grab his ear (OW!) and pull it to your mouth, and whisper as quietly as you can:

ROSE: (Vrishka thinksh we should kill Dave so he comes back human and shave the timeline.)

DAVE: so what is it

ROSE: (She said she wouldn't even have to do any work, that just TELLING him would be enough to make HIM want to do it himshelf.)

KARKAT: I CAN’T TELL YOU.

DAVE: what

KARKAT: DAVE. I CAN’T TELL YOU THIS.

DAVE: what  
DAVE: why  
DAVE: what is it

KARKAT: I CAN’T TELL YOU.

You let go of his ear and accidentally doof your head into his shoulder.

ROSE: Thanngks, Karkatart.

KARKAT: ALRIGHT, COME ON, LET’S GO.

He starts helping you up and he and Dave pull you up so you’re vaguely upright.

DAVE: seriously what is it

ROSE: I’m not telling…

KARKAT: I REALLY CAN’T TELL YOU, DAVE.

They walk you all the way to your room. You remember that you wanted to see Dave’s horns in person, so you grab one and pull it closer to your face. He makes a funny noise when you touch it and Karkat gets all blustery.

The horns look just like he said they did. You can’t remember everything he said about them, just that he said some things and that’s how they look. The texture is just like Kanaya’s horns, sort of velvety but definitely hard under that.

One of them hands you a glass of water and helps you drink it. You puke on the floor and drink some more water, and it doesn’t take you much longer to fall asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feedback is welcome, as always, and you can leave a comment here or at my [tumblr](http://shitstuck.tumblr.com).
> 
> The changes I made were that instead of Rose letting slip that Vriska thinks Dave should die, she asks whether Dave would have wings now that he's (mostly) a god tier troll instead of a human, and tells Karkat about what Vriska thinks after she makes him promise not to tell Dave.


	10. Dave

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A sweet trick, a secret -- or is it a Serket? -- and a very decisive act.
> 
> Warnings for this chapter: Hoo boy. Lotta talking about death, killing, and suicide. Allusions to past abuse. Some smoochin. A very small amount of blood. And finally, very real contemplation of and committing the act of suicide. Big cliffhanger too -- sorry, not sorry.
> 
> I made some big changes to the last chapter, so if you haven't seen those, go check it out. At very least, look at the end notes, where I list what changed if you already read it.
> 
> This is the big one, folks. One or two chapters left after this one, I think. That's not a concrete number, but this fic is definitely wrapping up. Enjoy!

DAVE: so what did she say to you

KARKAT: DAVE, I MEANT IT WHEN I SAID I COULDN’T TELL YOU.

DAVE: are you kidding  
DAVE: shes probably not even gonna remember anything that happened tonight by the time she wakes up in the morning  
DAVE: are you seriously gonna worry about keeping your “promise”

KARKAT: IT’S NOT ABOUT THE PROMISE!  
KARKAT: IT’S ABOUT HOW I CAN’T TELL YOU.

DAVE: WHY  
DAVE: whats so important  
DAVE: whats the big deal

KARKAT: WHY IS IT SO DIFFICULT FOR YOU TO UNDERSTAND?  
KARKAT: I. CAN’T. TELL YOU.  
KARKAT: IT’S SERIOUS, OKAY?  
KARKAT: I ASSUMED IT WOULD BE SOMETHING STUPID TOO, BUT WHAT SHE TOLD ME WAS DEADLY FUCKING SERIOUS.  
KARKAT: I CAN’T TELL YOU, OKAY? JUST TRY TO GET THAT THROUGH YOUR FUCKING PAN.

DAVE: whatever  
DAVE: im gonna go find vriska

KARKAT: NO!

DAVE: why not  
DAVE: jesus christ am i not allowed to see one of the seven other fucking people on this tiny rock  
DAVE: gamzee barely even fucking counts  
DAVE: i mean shit i dont exactly like vriska either but you didnt even let me say WHY i wanted to see her  
DAVE: i just wanted to see if i could do something about the fucking wings

KARKAT: BUT --

DAVE: christ leave me ALONE for thirty seconds!

You shut your mouth before you can say anything else and storm off. There’s something so satisfying about every loud footfall, so _rebellious_. Stomping like that would’ve been an invitation to get jumped at home. But Karkat doesn’t move, and you almost relish it, until he speaks in a softer voice than he should ever use.

KARKAT: SORRY  
KARKAT: I JUST -- I DON’T WANT TO TELL YOU BECAUSE I’M WORRIED.  
KARKAT: VRISKA WILL PROBABLY TELL YOU WHEN YOU SEE HER.  
KARKAT: SO I WANT YOU TO KNOW THAT I DIDN’T TELL YOU BECAUSE I KNOW YOU, AND I KNOW HOW YOU THINK, AND I WANTED TO PROTECT YOU FROM YOURSELF.

You don’t say anything. You walk away.

The walk gives you a bit of a chance to cool down and regret things. You wish you hadn’t yelled at Karkat now. 

Vriska is on the “top” of the meteor, where you were when you all arrived here. She’s sitting on the edge with her wings out, and she seems like she’s waiting for you.

VRISKA: How’s it 8een, coolkid?

DAVE: so so  
DAVE: how do you make the wings appear

VRISKA: They were there when I ascended.

She's speaking as smugly as ever.

DAVE: okay then how do you make them disappear

VRISKA: You just have to want it. It’s not hard. The only reason you haven’t done it is pro8a8ly 8ecause it just hadn’t occured to you.

DAVE: so like  
DAVE: what i just

You close your eyes and just _imagine_ having wings. It doesn’t work.

VRISKA: Hahahahahahahaha!  
VRISKA: Come on, put some effort into it!  
VRISKA: You gotta really feel it.

It takes a few tries, but eventually you do get them to appear. They fold out from your back, just clip right through the back of your shirt like a bad video game. (Interestingly, they stay under your cape, which flows back much more dramatically when you give a few experimental flaps.)

DAVE: so its not like you need them to fly  
DAVE: they just look cool

VRISKA: What? No, I definitely need them to fly.

DAVE: oh  
DAVE: guess that means i will too once my feet turn  
DAVE: and the rest of my fingers and stuff

VRISKA: Well, that’s weird.  
VRISKA: It’s like you’re 8oth a human godtier and a troll godtier.  
VRISKA: 8ut you’re still o8viously a godtier, and that’s what really matters.

DAVE: for what

VRISKA: The thing Rose didn’t want to tell you.  
VRISKA: Personally, I think you should know, so here it is.

She turns around and looks you dead in the eye.

VRISKA: There’s no w8y to turn you 8ack into a human.  
VRISKA: None at all. So give up hoping for that.  
VRISKA: The only chance is if you die and revive as a human.  
VRISKA: There’s a chance it won’t work, 8ut if you ask me, the risk is worth it.  
VRISKA: Rose wants to pl8y it safe. I s8y 8ullshit.  
VRISKA: Whether you do this or not, we’re all going to die when this timeline disintegr8es.  
VRISKA: 8ut if you do, there’s at least a chance we’ll survive.  
VRISKA: I want to take that chance.  
VRISKA: Unlike apparently everyone else here, I’m not content to lie down and die.  
VRISKA: So I’ll give you a choice. No, a deadline.  
VRISKA: You have 8 d8ys to do it yourself, and then I’m t8king this matter into my own hands.

She grins, showing every one of her teeth.

VRISKA: And you know I have all of the l8ck.  
VRISKA: Got it?

DAVE: crystal clear

You turn on your heel and leave.

##

\-- turntechGodhead  [TG] began pestering tentacleTherapist  [TT] \--

TG: hopefully youre still asleep cause it hasnt been that long  
TG: and if this wakes you up just go back to sleep cause thats honestly more important  
TG: but vriska told me  
TG: god shes scary sometimes isnt she  
TG: anyway  
TG: i get why you didnt want me to know but shes right  
TG: you know shes right  
TG: of course you do thats why you didnt want me to know  
TG: and its clearly going to happen either way now  
TG: she gave me eight days to figure it out and then shes doing it herself  
TG: so  
TG: yeah  
TG: i should go talk to karkat  
TG: we just got in a fight  
TG: i said some shit  
TG: um  
TG: i hope i do come back  
TG: obviously  
TG: i wont do it before you wake up  
TG: im not that big of a dick  
TG: or at least i like to think so  
TG: anyway  
TG: im gonna go  
TG: so  
TG: see you

\-- turntechGodhead  [TG] has ceased pestering tentacleTherapist  [TT] \--

Right. You’re going to go find Karkat next.

You head back down into the meteor and towards Karkat’s room. You have no assurance that he’ll be there, but you doubt he’ll have stayed right there in the hallway outside Rose’s room. When you pass the common room, Terezi is there, and she calls out to you.

TEREZI: D4V3

DAVE: sup

You take a few steps into the common room.

TEREZI: 1 KNOW VR1SK4 TOLD YOU

DAVE: yeah  
DAVE: what do you think

TEREZI: 1 TH1NK YOU KNOW WH4T 1 TH1NK BUT YOU W4NT TO H34R M3 S4Y 1T  
TEREZI: SO H3R3S WH4T 1 TH1NK  
TEREZI: 1 TH1NK TH4T US1NG TH3 GOD T13R R3SURR3CT1ON 1S TH3 ONLY W4Y TO G1V3 YOU 4 SHOT 4T B31NG HUM4N 4G41N  
TEREZI: BUT 1 4LSO TH1NK TH4TS 4LL 1T 1S  
TEREZI: 1TS 4 SHOT BUT 1TS F4R FROM 4 GU4R4NT33  
TEREZI: 1 TH1NK VR1SK4 W4S B31NG H4STY WH3N SH3 G4V3 YOU 31GHT D4YS  
TEREZI: 1 C4N TRY TO T4LK H3R OUT OF 1T OR STOP H3R BUT ON 4 B4S1C L3V3L 1 TH1NK SH3S R1GHT  
TEREZI: 1 4LSO W4NT TO R3M1ND YOU TH4T 1F YOUR D34TH 1S D33M3D H3RO1C OR JUST YOU WONT COM3 B4CK  
TEREZI: SO K33P TH4T 1N M1ND  
TEREZI: 4ND ON3 MOR3 TH1NG  
TEREZI: 1 KNOW 1V3 K1ND OF G1V3N YOU TH3 COLD SHOULD3R S1NC3 W3 GOT H3R3  
TEREZI: 1M NOT R34LLY SORRY BUT 1 DO W4NT TO S4Y TH4T 1 ST1LL C4R3 4BOUT YOU 4ND  
TEREZI: 1 W1SH YOU LUCK 1 GU3SS

DAVE: thanks i guess

TEREZI: NOW WH3R3 W4S SH3  
TEREZI: L1K3 JUST NOW WH3N YOU W3R3 T4LK1NG TO H3R WH3R3 W4S SH3

DAVE: oh up on the roof  
DAVE: just kind of chilling

TEREZI: 1 SUPPOS3 SH3 L1K3D TH3 1RONY  
TEREZI: 1M GONN4 GO M4K3 OUT W1TH H3R OR SOM3TH1NG

DAVE: have fun i guess  
DAVE: watch the teeth

She smiles big and wide.

TEREZI: 1 W1LL

Oh. She's being serious. You didn’t realize they were dating. Of course, you also didn’t notice the romantic tension between Rose and Kanaya until it could’ve been cut with a butter knife, so maybe you’re just unobservant.

When you go looking, you discover that Karkat is not in his room. He’s in Can Town with the Mayor, ranting about something or other. Actually, it’s probably about you.

KARKAT: ...WHY HE WAS UPSET AND I KNOW IT’S DUMB BUT I JUST WISH EVERYBODY DIDN’T THINK THIS WAS THE ONLY CHOICE!  
KARKAT: WHAT IF IT’S NOT! WHAT IF AFTER HE DOES THIS -- WHAT IF WE FIND A WAY TO DO IT AND HE’S ALREADY DEAD!  
KARKAT: MAYBE I SHOULD’VE JUST TOLD HIM.  
KARKAT: MAYBE HE’S ALREADY GONE TO DO IT!

Oh, fuck, you think he’s crying. Shit, shit, shit. You rush in and put your hands on his shoulders. The Mayor is hugging him round the middle.

DAVE: shh im right here

KARKAT: I’M SORRY, DAVE, I’M SO SORRY, GOD, I SHOULDN’T HAVE TRIED TO KEEP IT FROM YOU, I JUST --

DAVE: hey dont worry about it  
DAVE: im fine you dont need to apologize  
DAVE: im sorry i snapped like that earlier  
DAVE: you were trying to protect me and i understand that  
DAVE: i just  
DAVE: havent been protected a whole lot in my life i guess  
DAVE: so i got mad because it was easier than asking questions

KARKAT: YOU’RE FINE, I’M JUST GLAD YOU’RE OKAY.

DAVE: yeah  
DAVE: but you know vriska told me

KARKAT: I ASSUMED SHE WOULD.

DAVE: she said i had eight days to figure it out myself or shed kill me

KARKAT: FUCK.

DAVE: and everybodys all like  
DAVE: hurr durr its a big risk  
DAVE: i mean no shit im gonna be dying here  
DAVE: but like  
DAVE: for the chance to save all of you guys  
DAVE: with the added bonus of getting my fucking body back  
DAVE: its not a very hard decision for me

KARKAT: BUT IT’S HARD FOR THE REST OF US!  
KARKAT: DAVE...

He takes a deep breath and looks down.

KARKAT: I LOVE YOU, OKAY?  
KARKAT: I LOVE YOU AND I DON’T WANT YOU TO DIE, AND I ESPECIALLY DON’T WANT YOU TO STAY DEAD.

DAVE: you  
DAVE: what  
DAVE: like in  
DAVE: that way  
DAVE: like the foursquare way

KARKAT: I --  
KARKAT: I DON’T KNOW.  
KARKAT: I JUST KNOW THAT I REALLY LIKED KISSING YOU THAT ONE TIME, UNTIL YOU FREAKED OUT, AND THAT I REALLY DON’T WANT YOU TO DIE.

DAVE: so like  
DAVE: yes in the gay way

KARKAT: I GUESS, SURE

If he’d said that even a month ago, you’d’ve noped the fuck out so hard. Shit, he kissed you not a week ago, and you noped out even then. But you think you can do this. You want to try.

DAVE: okay

And he leans in, and a distant part of your mind hears the Mayor hopping up and down excitedly, and he cups your face in his hands, and he kisses you.

The entire universe seems to be narrowed down to just your lips, and when his nose brushes yours, and his hands on your face. Where you are, your name, all of your problems, they drift away. It feels like you’re the only two people left in the Incipisphere.

You spend eternity there, and when you come down, his face is flushed and he's smiling. His expression sours slightly, however.

KARKAT: CAN YOU TAKE OFF THE FUCKING SHADES?

DAVE: i guess so yeah

You do take off the shades. Not really a point in maintaining the Strider aesthetic when you probably don't pass for one at all at the moment. Your eyelashes don’t catch the light around your vision the same way they used to; they’re much darker than they were when you were human.

KARKAT: I THINK I MISS HOW THEY LOOKED BEFORE.  
KARKAT: NOT THAT I LOOKED AT THEM A LOT. BUT STILL.

DAVE: yeah  
DAVE: i can see better now though  
DAVE: all the better to see you with and all that

You kiss him again before you can keep talking and keep embarrassing yourself.

##

Time has never more clearly been a social construct than it is these days, but it's a solid six hours later when Rose messages you.

\-- tentacleTherapist [TT] has begun pestering turntechGodhead [TG] \--

TT: I saw your messages.  
TG: well  
TG: good  
TG: i wanted you to  
TT: You haven’t done it yet.  
TG: no  
TG: i said id at least wait til you woke up  
TG: just in case  
TT: Thank you for that much.  
TT: Can I convince you to reconsider?  
TG: i dont think so  
TG: besides id definitely rather do it myself than make one of you do it  
TT: How does Karkat feel?  
TG: he doesnt want me to do it  
TT: Where is he right now?  
TG: with kanaya  
TT: I believe the only thing I can really say here is,  
TT: I love you.  
TT: Good luck.  
TG: love you too sis

\-- turntechGodhead  [TG] has ceased pestering tentacleTherapist  [TT] \--

So.

You’re going to do it, then.

You go back to the lab where it all started. Maybe it’s stupid and overdramatic, but it feels a little poetic, if nothing else.

You message Karkat quickly, then block him, and eventually decide to just shut your shades off and captchalogue them.

You decaptchalogue your sword.

You swallow.

How exactly are you going to do this?

Gah. You think the easiest way is going to be to fall on your sword, just impale yourself right through the middle like a grotesque popsicle. That’s a summer treat you’d rather not eat. And a half-decent rhyme, actually.

Right.

You position the sword against the floor as sturdily as you can. Your palms are getting a bit sliced up, but you honestly cannot bring yourself to care, in the grand scheme of things.

Your heart is racing. Your breath is shaky. Your palms are sweating into the cuts, and they sting even more.

_One way or another, I'm getting out of this body._

And you let yourself fall.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much for reading! As always, I love hearing what you think about the fic, so leave a comment down below or send me an ask or even a message at my [tumblr](http://shitstuck.tumblr.com).
> 
> Sorry for the cliffhanger, but again, I'm kind of not. And, of course, I'm working my hardest on the next chapter.


	11. Karkat

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> :')
> 
> Warnings for: Some smoochin, (a brief abstract mention of a boner _~~whoops~~_ ), stories about Alternia and the cruel, violent society it was, mention and discussion of homophobia and what could probably be considered a homophobic slur (although I don't know enough about the history to say for sure, but I'd say in this context it is that), discussion about being trans in terms that are... not great? So, somewhat transphobic rhetoric. But it's coming from a trans character (and a trans author) if that changes it, and it's really brief. Lots of discussion of and aftermath of suicide, a really brief mention of alcohol, and lots of blood.
> 
> Whew!

Kissing Dave is fucking amazing.

You won’t say he’s the best kisser in the world, although he’s the best kisser you’ve ever kissed. So what if he’s the only living person you’ve ever kissed? He’s still the best as far as you’re concerned.

You discover over the next nebulous chunk of time that you really like kissing. He has a bit of trouble with it at first since his lips are so different from how they used to be, but you eventually get a really solid rhythm going.

(And maybe you pop a wiggly at one point but you just don’t think it would be a good idea to open that can of worms right now. Maybe some other day…?)

And when you’re done for the time being, he rests his head on your thorax and asks if you’ll tell him something about your home.

KARKAT: I TOLD YOU THE STORY ABOUT THE BARKBEASTS, RIGHT?  
KARKAT: HM.  
KARKAT: WELL, CRABDAD -- HE WASN’T EXACTLY THE MOST CARING OF LUSII.  
KARKAT: I MEAN, HE WAS LEAGUES BETTER THAN SOME PEOPLE GET STUCK WITH -- HE WAS ABLE TO RAISE ME THIS FAR AT LEAST, AND I DO THINK HE CARED.  
KARKAT: HE JUST COULDN’T REALLY SHOW IT.  
KARKAT: WE FOUGHT A PRETTY GOOD AMOUNT, LIKE, STRIFING-WISE, BUT HE WAS ALSO REALLY OVERPROTECTIVE.  
KARKAT: I ALWAYS THOUGHT THAT WAS WEIRD. WHY BOTHER PUTTING SO MUCH EFFORT INTO PROTECTING ME IF YOU’RE GOING TO STRIFE ME ANYWAY?  
KARKAT: BUT HE NEVER HURT ME, AND I ALWAYS SORT OF KNEW HE LOVED ME.  
KARKAT: I STILL DON’T KNOW WHY HE CHOSE ME, ACTUALLY.  
KARKAT: A LUSUS TAKES A GRUB BECAUSE IT WANTS AN EXCHANGE, IT WANTS THE GRUB TO DO SOMETHING FOR IT.  
KARKAT: I KNOW VRISKA’S WANTED HER TO FEED IT, AND KANAYA’S WANTED HER TO CARE FOR THE MATRIORB.  
KARKAT: I FED CRABDAD, SURE, BUT IT WASN’T LIKE HE COULDN’T HAVE FED HIMSELF. IF I’D SPONTANEOUSLY DIED, HE WOULD’VE BEEN FINE.  
KARKAT: THEN AGAIN, I DON’T KNOW HOW HE CAN EVEN EXIST EITHER.  
KARKAT: I’M A MUTANT. THERE’S NO SUCH THING AS A REDBLOODED LUSUS -- EITHER IT’D GET CULLED OR IT WOULD DIE BEFORE IT EVER GOT A GRUB.  
KARKAT: I DON’T KNOW A TON ABOUT MY ANCESTOR -- I DIDN’T USED TO THINK HE WAS REAL, AND I STILL DON’T REALLY WANT TO THINK HE’S REAL -- BUT I KNOW HE DIDN’T HAVE A LUSUS. HE WAS RAISED BY ANOTHER TROLL, KANAYA’S ANCESTOR.  
KARKAT: BUT I DON’T KNOW HOW CRABDAD CAME TO BE.  
KARKAT: UGH, I WISH I STILL THOUGHT ANCESTORS WERE HIGHBLOOD BULLSHIT. THE TRUTH IS A LOT MORE ANNOYING.

DAVE: yeah kankris a hell of a guy

KARKAT: IF MY ANCESTOR WAS ANYTHING LIKE THAT ASSNUGGET I HAVE NO IDEA HOW HE MANAGED TO LEAD THE MOST SUCCESSFUL REVOLUTION ON ALTERNIA TO DATE.

DAVE: right but  
DAVE: i dont know i guess i see the resemblance  
DAVE: between you and your ancestor not between you and kankri  
DAVE: i mean there is resemblance but jesus christ hes so much more of a douche than you

KARKAT: WHAT DO YOU MEAN?

DAVE: i dunno i just guess that if in fifty years i found out you were leading a successful rebellion on the anti rebellion planet  
DAVE: i dont think id be surprised  
DAVE: proud as all fuck but not surprised

KARKAT: YOU MEAN THAT?

DAVE: sure  
DAVE: you led these yahoos didnt you  
DAVE: and youre only fourteen  
DAVE: or six i guess  
DAVE: and there were twelve of you  
DAVE: imagine what you could do as like an adult

KARKAT: WELL, YEAH, BUT --

DAVE: i know youre about to say BUT ALL OF THEM DIED AND IT WAS MY FAULT  
DAVE: but they didnt

(KARKAT: THAT’S NOT WHAT I SOUND LIKE, DAVE.)

DAVE: not until yall got to the meteor and everything kind of went to shit anyway  
DAVE: until then you managed to get twelve people out of skaia alive and got damn close to claiming that ultimate reward until our session fucked it all up for you guys  
DAVE: we barely managed to get out alive from our four person session and every one of us died not just once but multiple times including dreamselves  
DAVE: well okay i think john only died once but he died in the offshoot timeline that made davesprite so that counts  
DAVE: huh i wonder how hes doing  
DAVE: i wonder if he got with john or jade  
DAVE: i wonder if he ever realized  
DAVE: well  
DAVE: you know

KARKAT: IF HE EVER REALIZED HOW GAY HE IS?

Dave winces slightly but laughs.

DAVE: i mean basically yeah  
DAVE: i dont know i mean he doesnt have the most perfect troll guy ever to help him out  
DAVE: though he is on a ship for three years with two people hes attracted to so i dont know  
DAVE: one of them is john repressed egbert though  
DAVE: well if he did get with john or jade i hope hes doing well enough not to be shitty about it

KARKAT: YOU’RE INTO JOHN AND JADE?

DAVE: i mean kind of hard not to be  
DAVE: they literally got every good looking gene  
DAVE: but hey i know for a fact youve been in the same position  
DAVE: i know for a fact you did some hardcore flirting with john at the very least  
DAVE: although i bet jade set you straight when you came on to her

KARKAT: I GUESS YOU COULD SAY THAT.

DAVE: but either way ive got you now

KARKAT: SERIOUSLY?

DAVE: sure of course

He lifts up his right hand and looks at it. Just the very tips of his touchstubs are still warm human brown. His thumb has a short but three-dimensional troll claw coming out of it -- it looks like a claw but clipped short.

DAVE: you wanna see the wings

KARKAT: WHAT?  
KARKAT: SURE.

He scoots off of you and stands up.

DAVE: check it

A pair of mutant-red wings unfurl from his back. The tips curl inwards, and they’re glittery and, frankly, breathtaking.

He’s an impressive sight, honestly. His horns are nearly the length of his forearm now, curled back elegantly. They aren’t pointy, but they also aren't as light as regular horns at the tip, so they’d probably get pretty big with time. His lips are dark and full and his teeth are white and gleaming. His hair is a curly thundercloud around his head -- he probably needs a haircut.

KARKAT: HOLY SHIT.

DAVE: i know theyre pretty fucking sweet  
DAVE: i guess i wont be able to fly without flapping them once my feet turn and i dont have any human left

He flaps them once or twice, scattering glitter.

DAVE: holy shit  
DAVE: i cant believe im a literal fairy

He laughs, surprising you.

DAVE: well isnt that just fucking raw  
DAVE: god i never think about this but right now i wish he could see me from the fucking afterlife or whatever  
DAVE: whos the fairy now

KARKAT: IS THIS ABOUT YOUR LUSUS?

DAVE: yeah  
DAVE: see one way people insulted gay people was by calling em fairies  
DAVE: and bro used to do that shit  
DAVE: and fucking look at me now  
DAVE: dating a boy and sporting literal fairy wings  
DAVE: thats fucking hilarous  
DAVE: thats some goddamn irony for you

You know talking about his lusus is hard for him. You think you see wetness gathering in his ganderbulbs. It's probably okay to let it slide this time.

KARKAT: FOR ONCE, YOU’RE RIGHT ABOUT THE DEFINITION OF IRONY.  
KARKAT: CAN I TOUCH THEM?

DAVE: i actually dont know  
DAVE: you can try

The wings are, indeed, physically there, and Dave jerks a bit when your fingers first brush the thin, glossy membrane.

KARKAT: OOPS, SORRY.

DAVE: no youre good it just feels kind of weird  
DAVE: theyre sturdier than i expected

KARKAT: I GUESS THAT’S A GOOD THING.

He looks down and sighs. Dread pools in the pit of your thorax.

DAVE: karkat  
DAVE: you know i need to do it

KARKAT: NO

DAVE: look even if it werent for the sake of the timeline id be taking this chance

KARKAT: WHAT?

DAVE: look no offense to trolls okay  
DAVE: yall got a decent thing going here  
DAVE: but im not a troll  
DAVE: i cant do it okay  
DAVE: ever since my head changed ive been nauseous as hell  
DAVE: i lost my fucking dick  
DAVE: it sounds like a stupid thing but karkat i was born a goddamn girl  
DAVE: ive only had a dick since i godtiered  
DAVE: technically since i woke up on derse but i was always awake and i never spent a lot of time there anyway  
DAVE: and i was so fucking happy when i woke up and i had a dick!  
DAVE: me  
DAVE: the *ALPHA* dave  
DAVE: not a dream dave not a dave from some other timeline  
DAVE: ME  
DAVE: and its fucking gone and it probably sounds stupid but i miss it  
DAVE: and walking and moving around has been really weird since i got my horns  
DAVE: and like i can smell everything but i have no idea what im smelling so its all just too much  
DAVE: maybe its fine for yall in these bodies but i straight up dont have the fucking life experience to be able to use it  
DAVE: i dont want to keep living like this karkat  
DAVE: and i probably wouldnt do it if the timeline wasnt at stake but it is so all i have are reasons to do it  
DAVE: im going to be fine  
DAVE: but i have to do *something*  
DAVE: and i honestly dont see a good reason to put it off any longer  
DAVE: im going to wait until rose wakes up and then im going to do it

KARKAT: WHY THEN?

DAVE: i sent her some messages and i want to make sure shes seen them before i do it  
DAVE: i kind of feel like itd be rude to do it while shes sleeping

You suppose you can understand that.

KARKAT: OKAY.  
KARKAT: I WANT TO COME WITH YOU, THEN.

DAVE: no way

KARKAT: WHY THE FUCK NOT?

DAVE: not only am i not making you see that i just dont want you to see that  
DAVE: and i also dont think i want to have another person in the room when im -- killing myself  
DAVE: go hang out with kanaya or something  
DAVE: ill send you a message

KARKAT: I GUESS THAT MAKES SENSE.  
KARKAT: I DON’T LIKE IT VERY MUCH, BUT I ASSUME YOU’RE GOING TO BE STUBBORN ABOUT THIS.

You pull his face down towards yours and kiss him.

You suppose you’ll just have to look forward to finding out what this is like with human lips.

_God_ , you’re scared.

##

Kanaya is sitting on the floor outside Rose’s respiteblock.

KANAYA: Oh Hello Karkat  
KANAYA: What Are You Doing Here

KARKAT: I WAS ACTUALLY LOOKING FOR YOU.  
KARKAT: NOT FOR ANYTHING SPECIFIC. I WAS JUST GOING TO HANG OUT WHEREVER YOU WERE SO I WASN’T ALONE.

KANAYA: Wheres Dave Then

KARKAT: HE’S…  
KARKAT: HE DECIDED THAT HE’S GOING TO TRY AND ACTIVATE THE GOD TIER RESURRECTION TO MAKE HIM HUMAN AGAIN. RIGHT NOW.

KANAYA: Oh  
KANAYA: I See

KARKAT: YEAH.  
KARKAT: HOW’S ROSE?

KANAYA: Still Asleep  
KANAYA: She Awoke Briefly And Cried About Missing Jade  
KANAYA: She Said She Thought Jade Wouldve Been Better At Finding A Solution For Dave

KARKAT: SERIOUSLY?  
KARKAT: BUT SHE DID THE BEST SHE COULD. WHAT COULD HAVE BEEN BETTER?  
KARKAT: THERE’S JUST NO SOLUTION.

KANAYA: I Dont Know  
KANAYA: She Was Severely Upset And Still Somewhat Intoxicated  
KANAYA: I Doubt She Was Thinking Logically  
KANAYA: Hows Dave  
KANAYA: Besides Going Off To  
KANAYA: Well

KARKAT: APPARENTLY HE WAS HAVING A REALLY ROUGH TIME IN THE TROLL BODY, ESPECIALLY ONCE HIS HEAD TURNED.  
KARKAT: DIZZINESS AND NOT KNOWING HOW TO HANDLE HIS SUPERIOR SENSE OF SMELL.  
KARKAT: AS WELL AS… OTHER PROBLEMS.  
KARKAT: I COULDN’T TELL AT ALL UNTIL HE TOLD ME.

KANAYA: Thats A Shame  
KANAYA: It Does Make One Wonder How A Troll Would Handle Becoming A Human  
KANAYA: Not That Anyone Would Try It

KARKAT: YEAH.

You lapse into silence. Rose throws the door open right as your crabwatch pings.

\-- turntechGodhead  [TG]  has begun pestering carcinoGeneticist [CG]  \--

TG: see you on the flip side

\-- turntechGodhead  [TG]  has blocked carcinoGeneticist [CG] ! --

ROSE: He’s doing it.

KARKAT: I JUST GOT THE MESSAGE.  
KARKAT: WHERE IS HE?

ROSE: I don’t know, but if I had to guess I’d say The Lab.  
ROSE: We are related, after all. I wouldn’t be surprised if we share a flair for the dramatic.

You’re already running.

You take two wrong turns. When you finally arrive, the first thing you see is the candy-bright puddle of mutant blood. The quivering figure lying in it is dressed in all red, but his hair is lighter than spun gold and the skin between his socks and his pant legs is warm brown.

KARKAT: DAVE!

His sword is next to him, stained that awful, mutant red.

He’s crying clear, watery, human tears.

DAVE: protip  
DAVE: falling on your sword the right way is really hard  
DAVE: and also hurts a lot when you keep missing

His voice has that human timbre again, and it leaps up in pitch with a sound like his throat is breaking. It does that sometimes, apparently.

KARKAT: I’M SO SORRY.

_Why weren't you there?_

You captchalogue his sword and carry him back up to your room. You help him wash the blood out of his hair and most of his clothes. It was hard to tell earlier since his god tier “jammies” are red, but a lot of blood had soaked in.

The shirt isn’t even torn.

You let him borrow some of your clothes and let him pick out a movie to watch. He falls alseep with your fingers in his hair, chewing on his nails.

He’s going to be fine. You can rest.

You fall asleep curled around him like a comma.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm honestly not quite sure where TBTCO will go after this -- I'm considering writing an epilogue and then looking into a potential sequel or doing one more chapter and then an epilogue -- but I can say for sure there will be no more than two additional chapters after this one.
> 
> As always, I love feedback, so leave a comment here or hit me up at my [tumblr](http://shitstuck.tumblr.com)!


	12. Rose

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wow, has it been a while. I'm sorry about how long this one took! At the end of the school year last year, I was on fire with writing and as soon as school ended the _worst_ writer's block hit and I practically haven't been able to write since.
> 
> Conversations, conversations, and _more_ conversations.
> 
> Not really any warnings for this chapter - there's some tough discussions about alcoholism, which I'll be the first to admit I have no experience with, so I probably didn't do that as well as other people could've - but other than that we should be good!

When Karkat trips and launches himself down the hall, you sigh.

ROSE: He’d fucking better be okay, or else I’m going to bring him back from the dead and kill him again.

KANAYA: Well Find Out Soon  
KANAYA: Until Then I Think We Should Talk

ROSE: What about?

KANAYA: Rose  
KANAYA: What Were You Doing With The Human Soporific

ROSE: Ah. That.  
ROSE: I was drinking it.

KANAYA: Yes I Got That  
KANAYA: Why Were You Doing That

You look down.

ROSE: It’s complicated.

KANAYA: We Have Some Time

You scratch behind your ear and look at your hands. The edges of your nails are rough and bitten-off.

ROSE: I think there were probably a few factors.  
ROSE: At first I just didn’t want to think about my problems.  
ROSE: Which were -- well, Dave.  
ROSE: I was hoping to avoid this exact outcome, frankly.  
ROSE: Or, not this outcome so much as this course of events.  
ROSE: And it just sort of… spiraled.  
ROSE: I keep thinking -- if only Jade were here, she’s the science girl, she’d know what she’s doing. She’d have found something, some way to stop this.  
ROSE: And my mother.  
ROSE: She was… quite often drunk.  
ROSE: I suppose that was where I got the idea.

KANAYA: Okay  
KANAYA: So You Miss Your Mother And Jade And You Fear For Daves Safety  
KANAYA: None Of Those Is A Good Reason To Put Yourself Into The State You Were In

ROSE: I’m sorry?

KANAYA: You Were Completely Incoherent Rose  
KANAYA: You Cant Be Doing That  
KANAYA: I Want You To Give Me All Of The Soporific You Have Remaining So This Doesnt Happen Again

ROSE: Yes, of course.  
ROSE: You’re right.

There’s a sneaky instinct to give her the bottle but not the notebook where you have the captcha code, and you immediately hate yourself for having the thought. But it’s tempting beyond belief. To have a sort of fail-safe, an emergency stash.

You despise yourself as you decaptchalogue the partly empty bottle.

She doesn’t press further, and your stomach sinks as you swallow and stay silent.

KANAYA: Thank You  
KANAYA: I Apologize If I Was Harsh

ROSE: No, you -- you were right.  
ROSE: I’m sorry.

KANAYA: What For

ROSE: For -- getting drunk. And hiding from you.

KANAYA: Well  
KANAYA: You Shouldnt Have Done Either One Of Those  
KANAYA: But I Dont Think You Need To Apologize To Me  
KANAYA: You Should Probably Apologize To Terezi And Karkat And Dave Though

ROSE: Yes. I -- I will.

KANAYA: Now I Think That Unless Something Has Gone Wrong Well Be Able To Find Out How Daves Doing

ROSE: Thank god.

She stands first, and offers you her arm, and doesn’t waver when you pull on it to stand up.

Jesus, but she’s strong. Her forearms are a sight to behold, and you do. Gladly.

Dave’s room is empty, but you find both of them asleep in Karkat’s room. Dave is human. You nearly collapse right there, you’re so relieved. You can chew Dave out later, you’re just glad he’s okay.

KANAYA: Do I Need To Worry About Your Murderous Rage Now

ROSE: Not until he wakes up.

KANAYA: Thats A Relief  
KANAYA: And This Presents Us  
KANAYA: Or Rather You  
KANAYA: With The Perfect Opportunity To Troll Terezi And Apologize

You look down.

ROSE: I suppose it does.

You fold your hands and don’t move.

KANAYA: Rose  
KANAYA: Do This Now  
KANAYA: Theres No Better Time To Do It

ROSE: … Fine.

\-- tentacleTherapist  [TT] began pestering gallowsCalibrator  [GC] \--

GC: WH4TS 4LL TH1S  
TT: I wanted to apologize.  
TT: For drunk-messaging you the other night thinking you were Kanaya and interrupting… whatever it was you were doing and forcing you to -- well, not to mediate, but to take action.  
TT: For inflicting my drunk self upon you, basically.  
GC: ROS3  
GC: JUST OUT OF CUR1OS1TY WH4T D1D YOU TH1NK YOU W3R3 1NT3RRUPT1NG  
TT: Well -- I assumed you were with Vriska, participating in some quadrant-related activity.  
TT: But I wouldn’t want to assume --  
GC: W3 W3R3 PL4Y1NG HUM4N M4R1O K4RT  
TT: I  
TT: Oh.  
GC: 1 WON  
GC: 1F YOU W3R3 WOND3R1NG  
TT: Well, I wasn’t, really, but congratulations, I guess.  
GC: 1N 4LL HON3STY 1 ONLY OP3N3D YOUR M3SS4G3S 4T 4LL SO 1 COULD P4US3 4ND R3G41N MY L34D  
GC: THOUGH 1 H4V3 TO S4Y TH3 W4Y YOU T4LK 4BOUT YOUR M4T3SPR1T 1S PR3TTY CUT3  
TT: Thank you, I suppose.  
GC: SO 1T 1S FLUSH3D TH3N  
TT: That is the closest description of our relationship in troll terms, yes.  
GC: 1S 1T CLOS3R TO 4 HUM4N TH1NG  
TT: I don’t know if I would say that.  
GC: OH 1 S33 WH4T TH3 PROBL3M 1S  
GC: YOU H4V3NT T4LK3D 4BOUT 1T  
TT: I mind my business, you mind yours.  
TT: You’ll notice I haven’t asked which quadrant you and Vriska are in.  
GC: 4ND YOU WONT 1F YOU KNOW WH4TS GOOD FOR YOU  
TT: Exactly.  
GC: CL3V3R L4LOND3  
GC: CL3V3R  
GC: BUT BL4CKM41L 1S 4 F3LONY  
TT: It’s not blackmail. It’s more of a bargain.  
TT: You don’t nose about me and Kanaya, and I don’t nose about you and Vriska. It’s simple.  
GC: 1 S33 YOUR PO1NT  
GC: F1N3  
GC: W3 H4V3 4N 4CCORD  
TT: We have an accord.  
TT: Have a nice day.

\-- tentacleTherapist  [TT] ceased pestering gallowsCalibrator  [GC] \--

KANAYA: How Did It Go

ROSE: Well.  
ROSE: We came to an agreement.

KANAYA: You Were Supposed To Be Apologizing

ROSE: I did.  
ROSE: And then we came to an agreement.

KANAYA: I Suppose That Will Do  
KANAYA: Now Lets Not Sit On This Floor Until They Wake Up  
KANAYA: No Doubt They Will Want Some More Alone Time Regardless

ROSE: Honestly, I can’t imagine being able to focus on anything until I’ve had a chance to talk to them.

KANAYA: I Understand But We Cant Bother Them  
KANAYA: Lets Just Watch Something

ROSE: Okay.

Kanaya puts on the last movie someone watched -- looks like it’s _Fifty First Dates_ \-- and you try to quiet your swirling thoughts.

##

\-- arachnidsGrip  [AG] began pestering tentacleTherapist  [TT] \--

AG: So? Did it work?  
TT: If I understand correctly what you are referring to, then yes, it worked.  
AG: Called it! Terezi owes me 8 8oon8ucks.

  
\-- arachnidsGrip  [AG] ceased pestering tentacleTherapist  [TT] \--

She really gets on your nerves sometimes.

DAVE: who was that

ROSE: Vriska. Who else?

Dave is… okay. He's currently touching Karkat more than you’ve ever seen him consciously allow himself to touch anyone, which is new but, you think, not a bad thing. He seems like he’s calmed down considerably, at the very least. Karkat seems a bit more rattled, if by “a bit” you mean “significantly.” He’s always been so expressive though, a near polar opposite of what Dave has always fallen short of achieving.

DAVE: fair enough

You are currently in the common room, since Karkat made the executive decision once you and Kanaya entered his respiteblock that it was not large enough to comfortably seat all four of you. Dave is, of course, physically perfect, in the sense that he has no injuries, minor or otherwise.

DAVE: whatd she wanna know

ROSE: Whether “it worked” or not.  
ROSE: Apparently Terezi owes her eight boonbucks.

KARKAT: DOES SHE HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING INSENSITIVE?  
KARKAT: I MEAN, FOR FUCK’S SAKE, IT *JUST* HAPPENED.

ROSE: I agree, it’s both poor timing and poor spirit.

KANAYA: Honestly Im A Bit More Surprised By Terezi  
KANAYA: They Made A Bet And You Cant Exactly Do That Alone

ROSE: I suppose that reminds me.  
ROSE: Dave -- well, Karkat too -- I want to apologize for my behavior last night.  
ROSE: Was that just last night? Or was that two nights ago?

DAVE: ive honestly given up keeping track  
DAVE: youd think that as the time guy id be on top of all this shit which i am but theres no meaningful frame of reference since were in fucking space  
DAVE: it doesnt matter we all know what youre talking about

ROSE: Right.  
ROSE: I made some poor choices, and I’m sorry, both for making poor choices and for how those choices affected you.

KARKAT: APOLOGY ACCEPTED.

DAVE: rose im gonna tell it to you straight  
DAVE: that was fucked up  
DAVE: i kind of thought you of all people would know better than to pull that kind of shit

ROSE: I just wanted to get away for a bit! Excuse me for  
ROSE: Admittedly being an immature baby.

DAVE: rose you know what im talking about

ROSE: Yes, I do.  
ROSE: My mother was one of the most removed people I have ever known. She was hardly present in her own life, let alone her daughter’s!  
ROSE: Sue me for wanting a slice of that, just for a moment.

DAVE: you say that like its not something i can hold you responsible for but i can and i damn well will

ROSE: What if it was *my* life at stake, Dave? What if it was me turning into a troll and the only way to save the timeline was to kill me, or convince me to kill myself?  
ROSE: You can’t tell me you wouldn’t have wanted some respite from all that.

DAVE: i guess i cant  
DAVE: but you at least know thats not anywhere near the realm of healthy right

You exhale slowly. You’re not exactly proud of yourself.

ROSE: I know.

DAVE: please dont do this again okay  
DAVE: promise

You don’t want to make any more promises you aren’t sure you can keep.

ROSE: I gave Kanaya the rest of the alcohol.  
ROSE: Presumably she’ll destroy it.  
ROSE: That should be the end of it.

DAVE: good

He looks down and picks at the skin on the side of his thumbnail. His toes bounce quickly on the couch. You gnaw on the inside of your lip. Kanaya scratches behind her ear.

KARKAT: MOTHER OF FUCK.  
KARKAT: I SUPPOSE I HAVE TO DO EVERYTHING ON THIS METEOR.  
KARKAT: WHO WANTS TO WATCH A MOVIE?

DAVE: honestly id kind of rather not right now  
DAVE: like i know thats your go to chill activity but id rather  
DAVE: i dunno what id rather do actually but i dont want to be sitting still

ROSE: Would you like to take a walk with me?

Karkat gives you a dirty look, but Dave says nah i think ill head to can town anyway, so the tension is diffused. Interesting that he’s so protective, though.

Understandable, of course, but still interesting.

KARKAT: I SUPPOSE I WILL TOO, THEN.

Not that you can really blame him, at this point. He and Dave walk out holding hands.

The air in the room suddenly becomes still and awkward, and you speak hastily to break the silence.

ROSE: I think I’ll go clean up The Lab.  
ROSE: We wouldn’t want to leave it messy like that. It is dangerous, after all.

Without waiting for Kanaya to reply, you stand up and walk out.

Cleaning The Lab is hard work by yourself, but you’re glad to do it. It’s better than sitting and stewing, which you’d done too much of even before the incident. It takes several hours all told, between alchemizing cleaning supplies, figuring out a way to clear out all that slime without touching it, and doing the actual work of cleaning, but you never find yourself wishing you had someone with you to work. It feels cathartic, doing physical labor with only yourself to manage for a couple hours.

You’re finished cleaning and on your way out with the last box full of broken glass to throw off the back of the meteor when you meet Dave in the hall and, without a thought, crush him into a hug.

ROSE: Fuck you.

There are tears in your voice. You speak softly into his neck.

ROSE: I’m so glad you’re okay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you're a returning reader, I can't thank you enough for sticking around this long. If you're a new reader who just found this in a tag or in the recent fics, welcome!
> 
> Comments are always welcome, and you can also hit me up at my [tumblr](shitstuck.tumblr.com) as well. Thanks for reading!
> 
> One last thing - I'm sorry it's so short! There was a lot I wanted to put in that couldn't be done from Rose's perspective, or that just wouldn't come out right no matter how many times I rewrote it (namely, a conversation between Rose and Vriska, which had to be cut because no matter how much I rewrote it they always ended up flirting like cats in heat!), and between that and the writer's block and the fact that if Rose's arc didn't need to be closed this would've otherwise been the last chapter, it just couldn't be as long as the other chapters.


	13. Dave

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> One very long conversation, and one very short one.
> 
> Warnings for fairly graphic descriptions/discussions of violence including impalement, what could be considered self harm, and suicide.

You wake up with Karkat curled around you, his chin tucked protectively over your head. There’s a slow, high, clicking grumble coming from his chest, and something about it makes your heart sit in your throat and your eyes wet with tears. You can’t help but hold him a little tighter as a wash of gratefulness comes over you; that he stayed, that he combed his fingers through your hair so gently, that he’s still here. He begins to stir and the grumble in his chest grows unsteady and quiet.

KARKAT: WASHZAP?

His voice is rough and grainy-sounding with sleep, and he rubs one eye and opens the other in a golden slit.

DAVE: nothin man  
DAVE: you can go back to sleep if you want

He grunts, but blinks hard and keeps his eyes open, meeting yours. After a silent beat he cups your chin in his hand and presses his forehead to your own.

KARKAT: SO WE CAN PRETEND THAT WAS ALL JUST A NIGHTMARE, RIGHT?

You sigh.

DAVE: id love to man  
DAVE: but i feel like we’re gonna have to like talk to people about this shit  
DAVE: like  
DAVE: even though i got back to normal  
DAVE: how do we know this isnt a doomed timeline now  
DAVE: how do we know we didnt break off the instant i touched that goo and now were not just waiting to die

KARKAT: HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN AWAKE?

DAVE: seventeen minutes  
DAVE: why

KARKAT: YOU’RE THE ONE WHO CALLS ME A “MORNING PERSON” AND YET YOU’RE TALKING ABOUT THIS SHIT IMMEDIATELY AFTER I WAKE UP.  
KARKAT: I KNOW IT’S IMPORTANT, OKAY, I DON’T MEAN TO BE DISMISSIVE OF THAT.  
KARKAT: BUT  
KARKAT: I JUST WOKE UP, AND YOU’RE A HUMAN AGAIN, AND I HONESTLY KIND OF WANT TO SIT AND BE HAPPY ABOUT THAT.  
KARKAT: AND MAYBE MAKE OUT A LITTLE.  
KARKAT: IS THAT OKAY?  
KARKAT: I’M NOT SAYING WE SHOULDN’T TALK ABOUT THIS, BECAUSE WE PROBABLY SHOULD, BUT IS IT OKAY IF IT WAITS AN HOUR OR TWO?

DAVE: yeah actually  
DAVE: that sounds nice

Karkat breathes a quiet sigh of relief and closes his eyes.

DAVE: so  
DAVE: you mentioned making out

He laughs softly.

KARKAT: YOU HAVE SUCH A ONE-TRACK MIND SOMETIMES.  
KARKAT: BUT YES, I DID.

Karkat goes to the kitchen and brings you both back some breakfast, and after eating you make out in whoever's room it is for a while. It tastes a little bit like chewed breakfast food, but beggars can't be choosers, right? And it's all going pretty chill until you have a sudden thought that jerks you to a halt.

KARKAT: WHAT’S WRONG?

DAVE: probably nothing but ill be right back

You run to the bathroom and lift your shirt. Your chest is smooth and flat flat flat, with regular-looking nipples and everything. There’s even a trail of thicker hair under your bellybutton, and you don’t have to look to know your junk looks just like it used to. Even the few gross teenager hairs you’d managed to grow on your chin and upper lip are back.

You’re so relieved you drop your shirt and let your head fall forward to thunk on the mirror.

KARKAT: EVERYTHING OKAY IN THERE?

DAVE: shit is beyond okay dude

You open the door to Karkat standing there, obviously. Without a thought, you wrap your arms around him and grin, tears in your eyes.

KARKAT: WHAT IS IT?

DAVE: i got my body back dude  
DAVE: its all right again

You can hear Karkat’s smile in his voice when he speaks, though there’s a tone of mild confusion to it.

KARKAT: I’M GLAD.

He sighs.

KARKAT: DO YOU WANNA… TALK NOW?

DAVE: sure

You take off your shades and sit on the bed with him.

DAVE: where do you want to start

KARKAT: WE COULD WORK BACKWARDS? OR START WHEREVER YOU WANT, EITHER WORKS.

DAVE: okay  
DAVE: dying fucking sucked

Karkat squeezes your hand.

DAVE: i mean ive done it before and it wasnt like pleasant or anything  
DAVE: but i mean getting shot was pretty quick you know there wasnt a lot of time between getting hit and dying  
DAVE: and being blown up by the green sun was just an instant  
DAVE: but this was different  
DAVE: this is the first time ive done it myself  
DAVE: the first time i tried to fall on my sword it missed  
DAVE: just cut my shoulder  
DAVE: and it fucking hurt but it wasnt gonna kill me so i got up and did it again  
DAVE: and i aimed too low and it got stuck on my hip  
DAVE: which also fucking hurt  
DAVE: and by this time i was panicking or some shit so i could barely see and i felt like i was gonna pass out and my hands were all cut up from holding the sword  
DAVE: so i figured this had to be the last time  
DAVE: so this time i used the broken caledscratch  
DAVE: and i lined it up right between my ribs  
DAVE: and i changed it back to a whole sword  
DAVE: and i pulled it out cause if you get stabbed or shot its better to keep the weapon in the wound so it bleeds slower  
DAVE: and i woke up in all that blood and i didnt open my eyes till you came in cause i didnt want to see if it hadnt worked

You notice that you have a death grip on Karkat’s hand. Your cheeks are wet. He pulls you into a tight hug and you gather strength against his chest.

KARKAT: I’M SORRY I WASN’T THERE.

DAVE: i wouldntve been able to do it if you had been

KARKAT: WHY?

DAVE: i dunno  
DAVE: i dont want you to see me like that  
DAVE: i was absolutely fucking pathetic  
DAVE: and i dont think i couldve even made myself want to do it if youd been there  
DAVE: you know  
DAVE: like when i was alone i could work up the nerve  
DAVE: i could just get in one of my down moods  
DAVE: you know how i get sometimes  
DAVE: but with you around  
DAVE: you help me stay out of those moods  
DAVE: and i like talking to you about the shit i wont talk to anyone else about  
DAVE: but i didnt want you to see at my literal actual worst  
DAVE: though to be fair the moments shortly after just about take second place there  
DAVE: i mean what would you have even been able to do if you *had* been there though  
DAVE: you wouldntve been able to kill me

KARKAT: I DON’T KNOW.  
KARKAT: MAKE YOU FEEL LESS SHITTY WHILE YOU WERE FUCKING DYING, MAYBE.

DAVE: you cant tell me you wanted to watch me kill myself

KARKAT: WELL, NOT REALLY, NO  
KARKAT: BUT I FEEL SO GUILTY SOMEHOW  
KARKAT: LIKE IF I HAD BEEN THERE IT WOULD’VE BEEN BETTER.  
KARKAT: WHAT I REALLY WANTED WAS FOR YOU TO NOT HAVE TO FUCKING DO IT AT ALL, BUT I GUESS I FEEL LIKE THE NEXT BEST THING WOULD’VE BEEN TO MAKE IT AS EASY AS POSSIBLE.

DAVE: yeah i guess i see where youre coming from  
DAVE: sorry for pushing you away then i guess

KARKAT: NO, DON’T APOLOGIZE.  
KARKAT: YOU MADE THE DECISION THAT MADE THE MOST SENSE TO YOU. YOU DIDN’T DO ANYTHING WRONG.

_I did something wrong, obviously_ , you think. If only you could go back and fix it.

… Wait. You could go back and fix it. You could go back in time and stop yourself from touching the slime, or breaking the glass, or even coming into the Lab in the first place. Except wait, no, you can’t, because if you do, you’ll cause two doomed timelines and only the you that doesn’t go back will survive.

What’s the fucking point of being able to time-travel if you can’t fix your own dumbshit decisions? This is stupid.

DAVE: i hate this

Karkat hesitates.

KARKAT: I MEAN, THERE’S A LOT ABOUT THIS TO HATE, BUT WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT MORE SPECIFICALLY?

DAVE: theres nothing i can fucking do  
DAVE: i could go back and fix this  
DAVE: but you know i couldnt come back  
DAVE: and id just be creating a doomed timeline  
DAVE: assuming this isnt one already lmao

KARKAT: I HATE YOU FOR SAYING THAT ACRONYM OUT LOUD, BUT CONTINUE.  
KARKAT: FUCK!

DAVE: what is it

He buries his bright red face in his hands and drags them down his cheeks, showing a tiny flash of the scarlet inside of his eyelids.

KARKAT: NOTHING.  
KARKAT: I’M JUST A STUPID MUTANT WHO CAN’T STOP BLURTING OUT THE WORST THINGS AT THE WORST TIMES.

DAVE: what  
DAVE: youre gonna have to give me more context than that

KARKAT: FINISH WHAT YOU WERE SAYING AND WE CAN COME BACK TO IT, OKAY?

DAVE: sure  
DAVE: i was thinking about how i should be able to go back and stop myself from turning into a troll  
DAVE: except i cant really  
DAVE: cause assuming this isnt already a doomed timeline thats a surefire way to make it one

KARKAT: HOW DO YOU KNOW IT ISN’T A DOOMED TIMELINE ALREADY?

DAVE: i  
DAVE: dont  
DAVE: i dont know  
DAVE: davesprite knew cause john and jade were dead so shit was just irreversibly fucked  
DAVE: but we REVERSED the fuckness of this timeline  
DAVE: so i guess i dont know  
DAVE: but shouldnt terezi or rose know  
DAVE: and if its a doomed timeline why wouldnt they tell us  
DAVE: i literally cant think of a single reason why they wouldnt want us to know  
DAVE: i guess thats why ive been operating under the assumption that this isnt a doomed timeline  
DAVE: cause rose or terezi wouldve told us if it was

KARKAT: THAT’S FAIR ENOUGH, I THINK.  
KARKAT: AND I SUPPOSE THE ONLY WAY TO FIND OUT IS TO WAIT AND SEE IF WE ALL JUST DIE AND END UP IN THE DREAMBUBBLES

DAVE: pretty much  
DAVE: anyway  
DAVE: thats what sucks  
DAVE: now its your turn

Karkat sighs.

KARKAT: FUCK, LET’S JUST AIR IT ALL OUT RIGHT NOW.  
KARKAT: SO, YOU KNOW ABOUT QUADRANTS, RIGHT?

DAVE: i have a passing familiarity yes

KARKAT: WELL.

He looks down at his hands.

KARKAT: THE WAY IT’S SUPPOSED TO BE IS, YOU HAVE ONE PERSON IN EACH QUADRANT  
KARKAT: (EXCEPT GRAY, OBVIOUSLY)  
KARKAT: AND THEY DON’T LEAVE THAT QUADRANT.  
KARKAT: AND IF THEY DO, IT’S CALLED VACILLATION, AND THEY SWITCH BETWEEN QUADRANTS WITHOUT EVER BEING IN TWO AT THE SAME TIME.  
KARKAT: AND WE’RE KIND OF IN RED, SORT OF.  
KARKAT: EXCEPT WITH YOU IT’S CONFUSING, BECAUSE EVEN THOUGH I KIND OF WANT TO BE PALE WITH KANAYA, I’M ALSO KIND OF ALREADY PALE WITH YOU.  
KARKAT: AND THAT’S REALLY NOT SUPPOSED TO HAPPEN.  
KARKAT: SOME PEOPLE WOULD HAVE MORE THAN ONE PERSON IN A QUADRANT BESIDES AUSPISTICISM, AND IT WAS KIND OF FROWNED UPON BUT NOT, LIKE, UNHEARD OF.  
KARKAT: BUT YOU’RE NEVER SUPPOSED TO BE IN TWO QUADRANTS WITH SOMEONE AT THE SAME TIME, AND ESPECIALLY NOT IF YOU ALREADY HAVE SOMEONE IN THAT QUADRANT.  
KARKAT: BUT IT GETS WORSE, BECAUSE  
KARKAT: I’M ALSO A LITTLE BIT BLACK FOR YOU.  
KARKAT: AND I DON’T UNDERSTAND! BLACK AND PALE ARE LITERALLY OPPOSITE QUADRANTS AND THEY’RE REALLY NEVER SUPPOSED TO TOUCH!  
KARKAT: BUT YOU’RE SO INFURIATING AND SO PITIABLE AT THE SAME TIME AND I JUST DON’T KNOW HOW TO DEAL WITH IT!  
KARKAT: IT’S NOT SUPPOSED TO BE LIKE THIS!

And it’s weird, cause you kind of know how he feels. Sure, you have little more than a passing familiarity with quadrants, but you think you get feeling like the way you’re feeling is not how it’s supposed to be.

You’re talking about Karkat. Fuck this subtlety shit.

You didn’t think about your future a huge ton before the game. A lot of the time you were focused on the present situation, but even when you weren’t most of the ideas you had for the future were just “get out” or vague ideas about pursuing photography or paleontology or whatever. You never put too much thought into who you’d marry, but you’d assumed you’d either find a wife or stay single like Bro. And talking to Rose and Jade and even John just sort of cemented that idea -- they’d been your only friends, and you’d assumed it would stay that way and you’d marry either Rose or Jade.

Even after you got kicked into the Game, even after finding out Rose was your sister, you figured you’d settle down with Jade or Terezi when the time came, and assumed whatever you’d felt for John was just either regular enough bro feelings or easy enough to ignore forever.

And then Terezi apparently got a note from an alternate version of herself that you and Karkat were bad news and Jade left on a ship for three years and you realized you were happier with Karkat anyway, and it all just went to shit.

Fuck, you literally had some kind of attack when Karkat kissed you the first time cause you had such an intense clash of fear and… desire, for lack of a better word. 

What you really need now is to help Karkat get through his issues like you’re starting to get through yours. What helped you? Well, he did, really, with his easy dissection of why some dumb shit was dumb and his patience when you were the one being dumb.

DAVE: i think  
DAVE: that maybe it might help if you try and worry less about how its supposed to be  
DAVE: like you know how we talked a lot about how weird my human shit was  
DAVE: and how its not bad to not be the way i was “supposed to” be  
DAVE: well  
DAVE: i feel like that same kind of idea can apply here for some of your troll… shit

KARKAT: YOU’RE PROBABLY RIGHT, BUT IT’S JUST…  
KARKAT: FOR YOU, IT’S A BIG DEAL CAUSE YOUR BRO MADE A BIG DEAL OUT OF IT, RIGHT?  
KARKAT: OBVIOUSLY IN A BAD WAY, BUT THE POINT IS IT CAME FROM HIM.  
KARKAT: BUT QUADRANTS ARE MY THING!  
KARKAT: I’M THE QUADRANT GUY, I’M THE ONE WHO KNOWS ABOUT ALL THE MOVIES AND ALL THE RULES AND HOW IT’S SUPPOSED TO BE!  
KARKAT: QUADRANTS WEREN’T JUST A HUGE PART OF ALTERNIAN LIFE, THEY WERE A HUGE PART OF MY LIFE BEFORE I WAS OLD ENOUGH TO DREAM OF HAVING ANY!  
KARKAT: AND I FEEL LIKE, IF I LET GO OF QUADRANTS…  
KARKAT: WHAT’S LEFT?

DAVE: i mean kind of every other facet of your personality  
DAVE: you like movies and you get super defensive of them and you care a lot about everything all the time  
DAVE: youre really good at getting a group of people to get along and not kill each other

KARKAT: I WOULDN’T SAY --

DAVE: dude everyone who wasnt already dead survived the entire game  
DAVE: it wasnt until after everything went completely to shit cause of our session that people started killing each other  
DAVE: and even though you used to be super obsessed with being the best at sickles to be in fish hitler’s army you also never even tried to kill anyone else unlike just about everyone else in your session

KARKAT: EQUIUS DIDN’T TRY TO KILL ANYONE.

DAVE: yeah but he was also super blood racist wasnt he  
DAVE: which youre not  
DAVE: and hey you helped me through a ton of shit  
DAVE: so that counts for something right  
DAVE: my point is quadrants werent the only thing in your life before the game and theyre not the only thing in your life now that the game is over  
DAVE: you can fill the space with other stuff without changing the core of your personality

Karkat wipes a pink tear from his cheek.

KARKAT: THANKS.

You kiss his cheek and hug him tightly.

##

\-- turntechGodhead  [TG] began pestering tentacleTherapist [TT]  \--

TG: hey i have a question   
TT: Ask away, dear brother.   
TG: well i guess its two questions   
TG: number one what were you and terezi even doing when you were talking about the timeline or whatever   
TT: Mostly arguing about theoreticals.   
TT: Were there any specific aspects of this you wanted to know more about?   
TG: nah i was mostly just curious if you actually got anything real done or just sat around being frustrated   
TG: number two   
TG: can you remember the timeline davesprite is from   
TG: like he told me that you was gonna go to sleep to try to stay alive   
TG: so theoretically if it worked then that you is still there  
TT: Yes, I can.  
TG: how did you know it was a doomed timeline  
TT: We didn't.  
TT: This was before we truly had a concept of doomed timelines to begin with.  
TT: The decision for the Dave who is now Davesprite to go back in time and stop John from dying was made because we knew the current series of events wasn’t sustainable.  
TT: John and Jade were both dead and we had completely lost contact with the trolls, so since shit was just absolutely fucked we decided to send Dave back to save John and Jade (and stop you from prototyping Cal, because that was also apparently a terrible mistake).  
TG: so in short you had no sense of impending doom or whatever  
TG: you just realized that shit was so fucked youd both die at some point anyway so you went back to stop that from happening  
TT: Yes.  
TG: ok  
TG: thats all

\-- turntechGodhead  [TG] ceased pestering tentacleTherapist [TT]  \--


	14. Epilogue: Dave and Karkat

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A callback, let’s say, and a coda.
> 
> Warnings for major character death, moderately nasty onscreen death, and potentially drowning.

At first, you spend most of your time on the meteor third-wheeling. Your sister is in pretty hardcore lesbians with Kanaya right from the get-go, and Terezi seems to be doing something similar with Vriska. This doesn't stop you from hanging out with them and generally needling them, but it gets old pretty fast. You can't say you're surprised when Rose finally snaps at you and sends Kanaya to apologize the next day. Vriska’s much more openly hostile from the start, and you discover pretty quickly that even with Terezi’s influence she's not above doing some pretty drastic shit to you to get you to leave.

It works, to say the least.

From then on, you hang around the Mayor in Can Town, which has the unfortunate side effect of placing you in relatively close proximity to Karkat, in your opinion the worst troll, second only to Vriska. He’s loud and grating, always shouting about some asinine topic or another, and for whatever reason he absolutely hates you. You don’t really care, you think he’s funny as hell, but being the constant subject of someone’s ire is both tiresome and familiar for reasons you don’t want to think about.

So one day, after a heated Vantas-patented rant about fuck knows what begins with no end in sight, you just get up, turn on your heel, and walk out. You already weren't in the mood. Vriska was hanging around you weirdly that morning. It put you on edge, sent a snake of tension up your spine to bite down in the meat at the back of your neck.

You wander the meteor aimlessly. Once upon a time, Terezi and Vriska were trying to map out the entire lab, but all they really achieved was discovering that there was more lab than actual meteor, and leaving a few obnoxiously colored drawings around, before it gets too deep. Right now, you’re long past any of these drawings. It’s just you and the dark and the creaking noises of the lab, _absolutely none of which are honks_. Nope. No honks here, no ominous murderclowns who are supposed to be trapped in a fridge but how are you really supposed to know, since you can’t open the fridge to check, and besides if he’s so strong and murder-y what’s to stop him from escaping anyway?

Okay. Maybe you’re freaking out a little bit. It’d probably help if you weren’t in one of these legendary endless staircases, so you lift off the ground and fly to the bottom and duck into the first room you see.

_Not ideal_ , you think, looking around at the cavernous space, _but still an improvement_. In the center of the room are a few massive slime-filled jars containing more mutant beasts, and around it are scattered several humanoid-looking things in jars. Trolloid? Trollian? Karkat would know, but fuck him.

_Holyshitdidthatonemove._

No. There’s no way it just moved. It’s a dead (right? it _is_ dead?) ~~humanoid~~ trolloid mutant thing in a tube of green slime. You shuffle closer anyway, just to make sure.

Oh fuck. Ohhhh fuck it definitely twitched. But you aren’t really sure, because the slime is really murky and this room is really dark (although it’d be less dark if you took off your shades, but fuck that noise). It’s not, like, very big or anything. Shit, if it’s alive, that means it’s trapped. It’s probably weak as fuck from being in this jar for however long, too.

Emboldened by this train of thought, you gently rap on the glass with your knuckles.

Or at least. You try, but another you appears from the future and tackles you out of the way.

DAVE: jesus christ dude what the fuck

DAVE: dont touch that fuckin thing dude

DAVE: okay jeez  
DAVE: but shit i thought we were done with time travel though and now youre makin me finish your loop  
DAVE: fuck you man

DAVE: trust me bro youd rather complete one last loop than go through what i went through  
DAVE: though its not like youre gonna have to

DAVE: oh fuck  
DAVE: youre doomed

DAVE: yeah

You stare at the other you in shock. What the hell could happen to make you purposely doom your own timeline?

DAVE: what the fuck happened

DAVE: well  
DAVE: this

He whips out his sword and you stumble backwards, but he doesn’t bring it anywhere near you. Instead he slashes the glass container you’d been poking around and just stands there as the green slime and broken glass cascades into him, like he’s sacrificing himself or some bullshit.

You suppose he is.

He turns his head and speaks.

DAVE: dont touch the slime

Eventually he’s bowled over and trapped in the slime. You turn away, and a few minutes later look back at his limp form.

You hate cleaning up bodies.

##  
##

It takes a pathetically long time to realize that Dave is gone when he disappears. You assume he’s with Rose, who assumes he’s with you, and nobody else sees him enough to wonder where he is even when they don’t see him for days.

When you do collectively notice his absence, you immediately head a search party and personally scour the meteor for any signs of Dave.

You finally realize where he’s gone when you wake up one morning and see that Rose’s eyes are blank white.

KARKAT: HE WENT BACK.  
KARKAT: I CAN’T BELIEVE HE DIDN’T FUCKING TELL ME.

ROSE: Yes, I’m unhappy with him as well.  
ROSE: I guess the only way to find him now is to search the other dreambubbles.

KARKAT: FUN.

You lose track of Vriska and Terezi pretty quickly, but you, Rose, and Kanaya stick together to look for Dave. Or, “your Dave,” as you now have to specify, because you meet tons of other Daves. There’s plenty of other yous and Roses and Kanayas but even you rarely fall into the trap of a self-argument, because you need to find Dave.

It becomes a bit of an obsession for you and Rose. Kanaya seems concerned sometimes, but she never tries to stop you or slow you down, and she helps as best she can.

The second thing you lose track of almost right away is time. Not that it matters now, you suppose, but you forget how long you’ve been dead and can’t tell if it’s meant to be day or night. Different dreambubbles are frozen at different times of day, and you don’t need to sleep anymore, so you have no sense of how long you’ve been searching besides “ages.”

You’re also not the only ghosts looking for someone, and far from the only group looking for a version of Dave. You meet individual yous, Roses, and Terezis on desperate hunts for their own Daves, and even plenty of Daves looking for their own yous, Roses, and Terezis. Every time you run into one of them you have almost the same exact conversation.

KARKAT: ARE YOU OUR DAVE?

DAVE: what happened to us

KARKAT: YOU TURNED INTO A TROLL.

DAVE: what the fuck  
DAVE: definitely not sorry  
DAVE: youre all from the same timeline arent you

KARKAT: YUP.

DAVE: well see you then

KARKAT: BYE.

Sometimes the Dave stays with you a bit longer, asking questions about how certain things went down in your timeline. Occasionally you’ll run into one who’s surprised to find out the pair of you dated, but most of them either also dated you in their timelines or have just heard it from enough Daves that it isn’t a surprise anymore.

And then you see a Dave sitting in a dreambubble of a room that looks a lot like The Lab.

DAVE: what was your timeline

KARKAT: YOU TURNED INTO A TROLL.

His head shoots up.

DAVE: no shit  
DAVE: karkat  
DAVE: rose holy fuck  
DAVE: you found me

##

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much for sticking with me through this crazy rollercoaster of a fic! There’s a lot I’d change about it if I could write it all over again, but even as it is, I’m pretty happy with it.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for 300 kudos!!


End file.
